| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children 10:09 - Mar 3 with 4690 views | Blueastheycome |
Is that today I can keep these beautiful little angels safe, but in the future, in some way or another, I won’t be able to keep them safe (ranging anything from bullying, the internet, illness to climate change, threat of or actual war etc)
Its truly phenomenal how they turn your world upside down, and in those anxious feelings you have about the future, it really reflects what it really means to be a father/parent.
Anyway, not really sure why I’m really posting this on here. I think sometimes this feeling just unexpectedly creeps up on me in a really big way, as it has done this morning.
Kids, hey.
[Post edited 3 Mar 10:17]
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 10:52 - Mar 3 with 3530 views | textbackup |
I hear you mate.
My oldest is at high school now, as the phone/social media thing is insane. Taken pretty harsh measure to take the phone off her for periods each day.
Saturday, for example, her friend posted a video about the ‘trio friendship now gone’ she’s in a panic thinking she’s talking about her, tears etc.
I mean, where do you even turn? I went all softy softy to start, but ultimately had to end it by saying they were silly little kids with a powerful tool (phone) in their hands that they aren’t ready for. All cryptic bullsht.
As for wars, yeah, no idea, not even considered that far ahead 😂
I never had a care in the world (ITFC aside) when I didn’t have kids. Now every single day is hard work. |  |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:01 - Mar 3 with 3489 views | _clive_baker_ |
I can sympathise with that. When the world seems like its heading to hell in a handcart there's a part of me that feels a bit guilt the I've brought 2 little ones into it. Obviously wouldn't change it for anything, its just that deep deep fierce parental instinct to protect them that's so challenging at times. I've come to the conclusion all I can do is shield them from the bleak goings on for as long as possible, protect their innocence, work hard to give them the best chance of happiness and contentment in the future and keep encouraging them to enjoy life. |  | | |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:03 - Mar 3 with 3480 views | itfcjoe |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 10:52 - Mar 3 by textbackup |
I hear you mate.
My oldest is at high school now, as the phone/social media thing is insane. Taken pretty harsh measure to take the phone off her for periods each day.
Saturday, for example, her friend posted a video about the ‘trio friendship now gone’ she’s in a panic thinking she’s talking about her, tears etc.
I mean, where do you even turn? I went all softy softy to start, but ultimately had to end it by saying they were silly little kids with a powerful tool (phone) in their hands that they aren’t ready for. All cryptic bullsht.
As for wars, yeah, no idea, not even considered that far ahead 😂
I never had a care in the world (ITFC aside) when I didn’t have kids. Now every single day is hard work. |
I'm hoping phones for kids are banned within the next couple of years and I get just the right side of it with mine.
Girls seem to be a lot worse with it, but I'm gong to push back as far as I can against mine having them |  |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:13 - Mar 3 with 3391 views | Jasper |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:03 - Mar 3 by itfcjoe |
I'm hoping phones for kids are banned within the next couple of years and I get just the right side of it with mine.
Girls seem to be a lot worse with it, but I'm gong to push back as far as I can against mine having them |
I think a lot of parents are now taking the initiative to encourage change within schools. This was something that seems to be getting some momentum:
https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/
Feels like there needs to be a collective pushback because its challenging to tell your child they cannot have a smartphone if everyone else at the school has one. |  | | |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:30 - Mar 3 with 3257 views | Mullet |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:03 - Mar 3 by itfcjoe |
I'm hoping phones for kids are banned within the next couple of years and I get just the right side of it with mine.
Girls seem to be a lot worse with it, but I'm gong to push back as far as I can against mine having them |
Different types of worse but the more common stuff with girls tends to be longer term, boys it’s more have it out asap.
Phones are a huge problem and generally parents are the ones who make it worse in my experience. But like anything it’s always part of a wider picture. Parents who encourage their kids to do what they want with them, are the same with all the other rules etc |  |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:32 - Mar 3 with 3227 views | itfcjoe |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:13 - Mar 3 by Jasper |
I think a lot of parents are now taking the initiative to encourage change within schools. This was something that seems to be getting some momentum:
https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/
Feels like there needs to be a collective pushback because its challenging to tell your child they cannot have a smartphone if everyone else at the school has one. |
Absolutely - have read and listened to a lot about it recently as it's presumably newsworthy.
Parents understand that they are terrible for the children
If the children don't have them for a period, they understand that they are much happier without them
But yet, they still want them back, and parents all give in.
I've got friends and family with children hitting high school, and it becomes a necessity - my eldest is in year 3 so am hoping it has clamed down by then
Social media companies are killing our children, and they know it - how many of their kids are on social media? | |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:37 - Mar 3 with 3172 views | StokieBlue |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:13 - Mar 3 by Jasper |
I think a lot of parents are now taking the initiative to encourage change within schools. This was something that seems to be getting some momentum:
https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/
Feels like there needs to be a collective pushback because its challenging to tell your child they cannot have a smartphone if everyone else at the school has one. |
Whilst the idea is great the reality is more complex.
What if your child has to travel a decent distance on public transport to their school? In that situation a smartphone is pretty important for keeping track of the child as well as allowing them to work out alternatives to get home when transport is messed up.
I understand the reasoning but I think parents pushing for blanket bans that affect other parents decisions isn't ideal. It's perfectly possible to allow a phone and restrict it's use at the same time. This functionally is built into the operating systems and fully in the parents control.
I am fully supportive that once the kids are at school the phones should be locked away in the locker and unusable, no problem with that whatsoever. There is no place for phones in the classroom or during break times. I am also supportive that kids access to content on the phone and the time they use the phone should be restricted and that is already well within the parents power.
As an aside, are people who want phones banned also for the banning of consoles and laptops? It's very easy for kids to communicate in that ecosystem in the same way as a phone and get into the same arguments.
It's about how they are used, not what is used.
SB |  | | |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:38 - Mar 3 with 3159 views | Blueastheycome |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 10:52 - Mar 3 by textbackup |
I hear you mate.
My oldest is at high school now, as the phone/social media thing is insane. Taken pretty harsh measure to take the phone off her for periods each day.
Saturday, for example, her friend posted a video about the ‘trio friendship now gone’ she’s in a panic thinking she’s talking about her, tears etc.
I mean, where do you even turn? I went all softy softy to start, but ultimately had to end it by saying they were silly little kids with a powerful tool (phone) in their hands that they aren’t ready for. All cryptic bullsht.
As for wars, yeah, no idea, not even considered that far ahead 😂
I never had a care in the world (ITFC aside) when I didn’t have kids. Now every single day is hard work. |
Thanks for the post.
I hear you about not having a care in the world prior to children. That was me too.
I think the biggest change for me as well that I didnt see coming how having kids just totally changes your perspective and viewpoint on life. I’m definitely more sensitive these days and I can’t help extrapolate tragedy/tragic events or whatever I’ve heard on the news into “what if that had been my children etc”.
All this worry… They better come visit me when I’m old and drive me to Town games when I am no longer able to! [Post edited 3 Mar 11:45]
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:39 - Mar 3 with 3143 views | baxterbasics |
Our youngest of five turns 18 this week but it doesn't seem to get much easier!
I do wish we'd exercised more control over phone use.
My main tips would be:
Remember it's not your job to be their 'best friend' as tempting as this is - it's more important to help them become decent human beings who are also prepared and robust enough for the disappointments of life. Distinguish between wants and needs.
Focus on what you can control and stop worrying about what you can't.
Always show a united front with the other parent, sort out your parenting disagreements between you privately.
That's it. Good luck, and enjoy the precious moments while you can. It goes by very quick. |  |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:41 - Mar 3 with 3124 views | textbackup |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:03 - Mar 3 by itfcjoe |
I'm hoping phones for kids are banned within the next couple of years and I get just the right side of it with mine.
Girls seem to be a lot worse with it, but I'm gong to push back as far as I can against mine having them |
It is mate, boys will be soon (weather/light nights) playing football on a field somewhere, where as girls will be stood at the side chatting and making TikTok’s or whatever they do.
We’ve managed the phone situation ‘ok’ I think, and I’m more than happy to be the bad parent by taking it away. But still had a few situations | |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:43 - Mar 3 with 3107 views | EuanTown |
I think your thoughts are those of every parent for every generation. We as parents have all had reason to fear for our children. Those reasons may alter slightly with every generation. Wars, drugs, crime etc. but mostly we get through it. Some unfortunately will not and that is the way of life.
You can but try your best. You can educate them, bright kids will have a better understanding of right and wrong, sensible kids will consider risk and reward. But don't fret too much. Remember you can only do so much.
One lesson I live by is this.
A life lived in fear is a life half lived.
Fear can be a number of things, not just fear itself, worry, angst etc. remember you have one life live the best one you can. Bring your children up to have the best one they can, so long as the best does not harm others.
Children's innocence is erroded by outside influences that sometimes you can have very little control over. Work with lifes rich tapestry. Explain and educate, make them aware and to question, not just believe what they are told.
Why? Should always be answered in an appropriate way and never dismissed. Truth may sometimes hurt but it is better than lies.
Make time to be together and have fun because you never know when you may not have time again |  | | |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:46 - Mar 3 with 3085 views | NthQldITFC |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:13 - Mar 3 by Jasper |
I think a lot of parents are now taking the initiative to encourage change within schools. This was something that seems to be getting some momentum:
https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/
Feels like there needs to be a collective pushback because its challenging to tell your child they cannot have a smartphone if everyone else at the school has one. |
It's not new but it's blindingly obvious (and always has been) that clearly identified threats have been ignored by both legislations and individuals as technology has become more addictive and profitable. From effectively unrestricted Internet access for kids even during school hours via smartphones, to the worship of the disposable culture of "chuck it out and get a new one" driving planet-killing consumerism.
We have had, and still do have, our priorities all wrong as we're blinded by the light of gadgetry, fad and one-upmanship.
We'll do nothing about these threats other a bit of hand-wringing and more of the same consumerism until the end of times because we're not wise enough to recognise, let alone keep a check on, the consequences of our cleverness. |  |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:46 - Mar 3 with 3080 views | textbackup |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:38 - Mar 3 by Blueastheycome |
Thanks for the post.
I hear you about not having a care in the world prior to children. That was me too.
I think the biggest change for me as well that I didnt see coming how having kids just totally changes your perspective and viewpoint on life. I’m definitely more sensitive these days and I can’t help extrapolate tragedy/tragic events or whatever I’ve heard on the news into “what if that had been my children etc”.
All this worry… They better come visit me when I’m old and drive me to Town games when I am no longer able to! [Post edited 3 Mar 11:45]
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Southport - for example - my two daughters do dance classes, so immediately went into meltdown worrying it could have been them. Then hated myself for thinking about them/myself more than the actual victims!
We have a day out in London and I have them on edge where they don’t walk by the curb side incase someone goes by and tries nicking their phones! (Not allowed to walk and have phones out anyway) But, it’s the reality. I’d rather they had that in their minds from a young age, than get to 18 and have it happen to them as they didn’t think.
As you said, kids hey!! 😂 | |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:07 - Mar 3 with 2860 views | baxterbasics |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:46 - Mar 3 by textbackup |
Southport - for example - my two daughters do dance classes, so immediately went into meltdown worrying it could have been them. Then hated myself for thinking about them/myself more than the actual victims!
We have a day out in London and I have them on edge where they don’t walk by the curb side incase someone goes by and tries nicking their phones! (Not allowed to walk and have phones out anyway) But, it’s the reality. I’d rather they had that in their minds from a young age, than get to 18 and have it happen to them as they didn’t think.
As you said, kids hey!! 😂 |
Sadly you can't keep them completely sheltered from the realities of life and the scary things that are out there.
But I think kids can handle more than we think - important to discuss things like Southport, or crime in general with them, in appropriate language, because they will hear about it anyway. Being as reassuring as you can without lying.
*Edit - also remind yourself, that in the context of all human history, we still live in one of the safest and most prosperous times and places ever, with opportunities previous generations never had. Lots to be positive about. I do worry kids are being bombarded with doom and negative messaging about modern life. Be optimistic and hopeful. [Post edited 3 Mar 12:09]
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:09 - Mar 3 with 2842 views | OldFart71 |
As a parent who now has Grandchildren in their twenties I do in many ways feel sorry for parents of young children today because the freedom I had as a child was marvellous in that we could roam around the countryside either walking or cycling or play on our local recreation ground without fear. My own kids now both grown up also had more freedom than those of today due to there not being so many dangers. I know my daughter worries about her daughter, my Granddaughter as she is away at Uni and travels back when able to by car or train. Sometimes on her own, sometimes with her boyfriend. Anyone who say's they don't worry about their kids isn't normal. I still do even though one is in her forties and the other early fifties. I worry that they work too hard and my youngest seems to be on the go even when not at work. I sometimes look back and think I missed much of my kids upbringing as I was always at work and most of that in their early years was on shifts. My advice although I appreciate that in many cases two have to work to pay rent or a mortgage is to make the most of your kids when they are young and spend as much time as you can with them. | | | |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:12 - Mar 3 with 2813 views | Blueastheycome |
Cheers everyone for the insightful responses so far, with some good advice.
I would just like to add that since I posted this thread, one of them opened a cereal bar but immediately dropped it on the floor, breaking it into two pieces. They no longer want a perfectly good 50p cereal bar cause its broken in two, and demanding another one…so you can add my feelings of petty annoyance alongside my feelings of terror for the future ! [Post edited 3 Mar 12:13]
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:19 - Mar 3 with 2746 views | Reuser_is_God |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:03 - Mar 3 by itfcjoe |
I'm hoping phones for kids are banned within the next couple of years and I get just the right side of it with mine.
Girls seem to be a lot worse with it, but I'm gong to push back as far as I can against mine having them |
We’ve had to stop ours watching YouTube.
Far too many “vlogging” families with spoilt kids getting anything & everything that want & generally thinking they run the show.
Ours have to watch actual films/series now & their attitude is so much better for it. |  |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:26 - Mar 3 with 2682 views | Jasper |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:37 - Mar 3 by StokieBlue |
Whilst the idea is great the reality is more complex.
What if your child has to travel a decent distance on public transport to their school? In that situation a smartphone is pretty important for keeping track of the child as well as allowing them to work out alternatives to get home when transport is messed up.
I understand the reasoning but I think parents pushing for blanket bans that affect other parents decisions isn't ideal. It's perfectly possible to allow a phone and restrict it's use at the same time. This functionally is built into the operating systems and fully in the parents control.
I am fully supportive that once the kids are at school the phones should be locked away in the locker and unusable, no problem with that whatsoever. There is no place for phones in the classroom or during break times. I am also supportive that kids access to content on the phone and the time they use the phone should be restricted and that is already well within the parents power.
As an aside, are people who want phones banned also for the banning of consoles and laptops? It's very easy for kids to communicate in that ecosystem in the same way as a phone and get into the same arguments.
It's about how they are used, not what is used.
SB |
I don't think its about demanding a blanket ban, it was about bring the likeminded parents together in the school to discuss what is best for their children. Some of the stats are terrifying, so personally I think the benefits of a smartphone for children are far outweighed by the potential damage, but its up to the individual parent to make that decision. However, I do think it becomes a lot easier as all the parents in my son's year group are in agreement. I don't think a child in primary school needs a phone of any sort, but again that's my opinion for my son. | | | |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:36 - Mar 3 with 2627 views | itfcjoe |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:41 - Mar 3 by textbackup |
It is mate, boys will be soon (weather/light nights) playing football on a field somewhere, where as girls will be stood at the side chatting and making TikTok’s or whatever they do.
We’ve managed the phone situation ‘ok’ I think, and I’m more than happy to be the bad parent by taking it away. But still had a few situations |
It's so difficult - and can't get everything right always....tie it all up with hormones raging around as well and it's just navigate through and hope they come out the other side in good shape! | |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:38 - Mar 3 with 2598 views | Eireannach_gorm |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:37 - Mar 3 by StokieBlue |
Whilst the idea is great the reality is more complex.
What if your child has to travel a decent distance on public transport to their school? In that situation a smartphone is pretty important for keeping track of the child as well as allowing them to work out alternatives to get home when transport is messed up.
I understand the reasoning but I think parents pushing for blanket bans that affect other parents decisions isn't ideal. It's perfectly possible to allow a phone and restrict it's use at the same time. This functionally is built into the operating systems and fully in the parents control.
I am fully supportive that once the kids are at school the phones should be locked away in the locker and unusable, no problem with that whatsoever. There is no place for phones in the classroom or during break times. I am also supportive that kids access to content on the phone and the time they use the phone should be restricted and that is already well within the parents power.
As an aside, are people who want phones banned also for the banning of consoles and laptops? It's very easy for kids to communicate in that ecosystem in the same way as a phone and get into the same arguments.
It's about how they are used, not what is used.
SB |
A smartphone is NOT necessary to keep track of children or to communicate with them. Plenty of less smart technology for that. How was parenting possible before smartphones? Children will push the boundaries as far as they are allowed so the grown up people need to make a stance. Of course it is much easier to give in and that's the problem. My one and a half year old grandchild wants the phone everytime she sees it and cries when not given it. Would be very easy ( and irresponsible ) to give it to her. Children do not need smartphones and their lives would be a lot better without them. |  | | |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:46 - Mar 3 with 2539 views | itfcjoe |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:19 - Mar 3 by Reuser_is_God |
We’ve had to stop ours watching YouTube.
Far too many “vlogging” families with spoilt kids getting anything & everything that want & generally thinking they run the show.
Ours have to watch actual films/series now & their attitude is so much better for it. |
We let them watch YT in the morning, but they just watch people playing computer games at the moment and it hasn't led to 'wanting' stuff, and ensure it's somewhere central rather than holed up in rooms or on tablets so we can see if it is anything they shouldn't be......but I know I should have set up parental controls etc but don't know how to effectievly!
I always make them stick other bits on though if I'm there as can't stand the noise in proper old man style | |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:54 - Mar 3 with 2482 views | itfcjoe |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 11:37 - Mar 3 by StokieBlue |
Whilst the idea is great the reality is more complex.
What if your child has to travel a decent distance on public transport to their school? In that situation a smartphone is pretty important for keeping track of the child as well as allowing them to work out alternatives to get home when transport is messed up.
I understand the reasoning but I think parents pushing for blanket bans that affect other parents decisions isn't ideal. It's perfectly possible to allow a phone and restrict it's use at the same time. This functionally is built into the operating systems and fully in the parents control.
I am fully supportive that once the kids are at school the phones should be locked away in the locker and unusable, no problem with that whatsoever. There is no place for phones in the classroom or during break times. I am also supportive that kids access to content on the phone and the time they use the phone should be restricted and that is already well within the parents power.
As an aside, are people who want phones banned also for the banning of consoles and laptops? It's very easy for kids to communicate in that ecosystem in the same way as a phone and get into the same arguments.
It's about how they are used, not what is used.
SB |
This sounds a bit like "my children can handle guns ok, why should they be banned"
They are causing irrefutable damage to our children currently, and are in the most part totally unnecessary with what they can do | |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:59 - Mar 3 with 2426 views | StokieBlue |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:54 - Mar 3 by itfcjoe |
This sounds a bit like "my children can handle guns ok, why should they be banned"
They are causing irrefutable damage to our children currently, and are in the most part totally unnecessary with what they can do |
This is why I was reluctant to get into this debate.
Absolutely no consideration in this reply to other people's situation or nuance. Nowhere have I told you what to do with your own decisions.
I'll be leaving it there. I've been very clear in my response that it's situation dependent and that restrictions are easy to apply at the parental level.
SB [Post edited 3 Mar 13:02]
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 13:16 - Mar 3 with 2280 views | Ryorry |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:38 - Mar 3 by Eireannach_gorm |
A smartphone is NOT necessary to keep track of children or to communicate with them. Plenty of less smart technology for that. How was parenting possible before smartphones? Children will push the boundaries as far as they are allowed so the grown up people need to make a stance. Of course it is much easier to give in and that's the problem. My one and a half year old grandchild wants the phone everytime she sees it and cries when not given it. Would be very easy ( and irresponsible ) to give it to her. Children do not need smartphones and their lives would be a lot better without them. |
Absolutely spot on.
I travelled alone by public bus (one every half hour) 6 miles to & from school every day, from the age of 7 on (albeit in the first year, a girl a year older usually got on at the next stop). A few hundred yards walk at each end.
Coming home, the bus was often full of adults who'd got on in the town centre, so I'd either have to wait for the next one, or catch an alternative service which stopped 2 miles short & walk the rest. My parents had a landline, but there weren't any phone boxes anywhere near the bus-stops.
Yes they were different times, but not without danger too - predatory people, traffic etc. Being launched into the deep end like that helped me to become aware, resourceful, and not to be afraid to ask for help if needed. If no-one was around, well, I was agile and a fast runner! |  |
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| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 13:29 - Mar 3 with 2196 views | itfcjoe |
| One thing that a terrifies me as a parent of small children on 12:59 - Mar 3 by StokieBlue |
This is why I was reluctant to get into this debate.
Absolutely no consideration in this reply to other people's situation or nuance. Nowhere have I told you what to do with your own decisions.
I'll be leaving it there. I've been very clear in my response that it's situation dependent and that restrictions are easy to apply at the parental level.
SB [Post edited 3 Mar 13:02]
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Restrictions are not easy to apply at a parental level, often children will be better at tech than their parents and have been able to pull the wool over their eye. I could when I had parental controls on the internet as a kid. It's very naive to suggest there is - there a hundreds of videos TikTok showing people how to get round controls
Social media is not supposed to be used by U14s, it's incredibly easy to get around this - kids are resourceful and will find ways to get around things if they want to.
Good luck staying ahead of your children and their tech savviness, I hope one day you don't realise how naive your postings on this matter sound | |
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