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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair 10:27 - Sep 25 with 707 viewsWeWereZombies

Please allow me to introduce myself at this HAA meeting

I am a sixty five year old man and I have @rse hair, there I have said it.

I am also very bad at DIY and hate doing it, so why do I live half off grid to the extent that my private water supply is often so claggy (even after a five micron filter and ultra violet treatment) that my shower doesn't work and I can't be @rsed to take the front off and sort it out so have a bath instead.

What's that got to do with @rse hair you ask? Well,despite my age I am fastidious in my cleaning and every so often as I work that flannel into the crevice I find a small dried (but now dissolving) lump of poo matted into the @rse hair. This is unpleasant.

I should wipe better you say? How dare you. I am fastidious in that as well. I'm sure these small lumps of poo somehow sneak out later on. Or somebody else plants them there. I even have some of those moist toilet tissues for the messier evacuations, but I only use them in the winter when I can put them in the woodburner - flushing them down the toilet means they end up in the septic tank and then Scottish Water may refuse to empty it, would not please my neighbours.

So my argument is that there can be no intelligent design. What happened? In six day God created the Earth? And then on the seventh he had a rest, went down the pub at lunchtime and saw his team get beaten on Sky so spent the rest of the afternoon getting leathered? And on the eighth day, according to the gospel of Hazel O'Connor, he created punk? And on the ninth day he created @rse hair?

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:32 - Sep 25 with 584 viewsKeno

I read that initially as horse hair

I feel your pain brother

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:43 - Sep 25 with 569 viewsNthQldITFC

The improvisational answer lies within you full and frank disclosure. You have arse hair, and you have a woodburner. All you need is to fashion a reliable harness and bracing point which will allow you to present on a regular basis, your hairy rear end to the woodburner in a controlled and reliable manner, thus singing off the offending stinking pelt.

Of course, given your self-professed lack of DIY skills this may all turn out badly.

As to intelligent design, I am really not qualified to offer an opinion, if you will pardon my reticence.

The only thing I know is that I might be wrong about everything else.
Poll: Are binary opinions good or bad?

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:52 - Sep 25 with 549 viewsWeWereZombies

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:43 - Sep 25 by NthQldITFC

The improvisational answer lies within you full and frank disclosure. You have arse hair, and you have a woodburner. All you need is to fashion a reliable harness and bracing point which will allow you to present on a regular basis, your hairy rear end to the woodburner in a controlled and reliable manner, thus singing off the offending stinking pelt.

Of course, given your self-professed lack of DIY skills this may all turn out badly.

As to intelligent design, I am really not qualified to offer an opinion, if you will pardon my reticence.


An alternative I have been pondering is to seek out an @rse barber, there must be such people. After all half the High Street is nail bars these days, where are the @rse barbers? Unfortunately I live too far from Essex to carry out a pragmatic and cost effective search. And I am worried that, in the way that a regular barber suggests spray or gel after the cut, an @rse barber would say 'Would you like anything on it?' and then suggest Vaseline.

Poll: How thick is Matt Hancock?

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:52 - Sep 25 with 548 viewsKeno

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:43 - Sep 25 by NthQldITFC

The improvisational answer lies within you full and frank disclosure. You have arse hair, and you have a woodburner. All you need is to fashion a reliable harness and bracing point which will allow you to present on a regular basis, your hairy rear end to the woodburner in a controlled and reliable manner, thus singing off the offending stinking pelt.

Of course, given your self-professed lack of DIY skills this may all turn out badly.

As to intelligent design, I am really not qualified to offer an opinion, if you will pardon my reticence.


Oh I have a solution!

presuming there is a Mrs Zombie, Mr Zombie or some kind of gender neutral non-binary partner buy one of these and let them burn the offending arse hair away ...



PS if there is no 'significant other' you could offer a higher bid charity auction and allow the lucky TWTD winning bidder to perform this duty for you

Anyone up for that???

Poll: What sort of fight should Downes have to get back into the team?
Blog: [Blog] My World Cup Reflections

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:54 - Sep 25 with 543 viewsKeno

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:52 - Sep 25 by WeWereZombies

An alternative I have been pondering is to seek out an @rse barber, there must be such people. After all half the High Street is nail bars these days, where are the @rse barbers? Unfortunately I live too far from Essex to carry out a pragmatic and cost effective search. And I am worried that, in the way that a regular barber suggests spray or gel after the cut, an @rse barber would say 'Would you like anything on it?' and then suggest Vaseline.


Here you are Zomby another option, get Stansa from Games of Thrones to wax you off


Poll: What sort of fight should Downes have to get back into the team?
Blog: [Blog] My World Cup Reflections

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:54 - Sep 25 with 543 viewsWeWereZombies

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:52 - Sep 25 by Keno

Oh I have a solution!

presuming there is a Mrs Zombie, Mr Zombie or some kind of gender neutral non-binary partner buy one of these and let them burn the offending arse hair away ...



PS if there is no 'significant other' you could offer a higher bid charity auction and allow the lucky TWTD winning bidder to perform this duty for you

Anyone up for that???


There was a Mrs. Zombie but we are long time divorced now. Your suggestion must never reach her.

Poll: How thick is Matt Hancock?

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:55 - Sep 25 with 540 viewsAlanRetentive

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:43 - Sep 25 by NthQldITFC

The improvisational answer lies within you full and frank disclosure. You have arse hair, and you have a woodburner. All you need is to fashion a reliable harness and bracing point which will allow you to present on a regular basis, your hairy rear end to the woodburner in a controlled and reliable manner, thus singing off the offending stinking pelt.

Of course, given your self-professed lack of DIY skills this may all turn out badly.

As to intelligent design, I am really not qualified to offer an opinion, if you will pardon my reticence.


I do not see how song would aid in the removal of the unwanted follicles. Perhaps you mean 'singeing'? I would like to point out for legal reasons that in offering this correction I am not in fact endorsing the proposed remedial action.

*** Puch Maxi N Owners Club, Social Distancing Officer (SoDOff) 2020 ***

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:59 - Sep 25 with 533 viewsNthQldITFC

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:54 - Sep 25 by WeWereZombies

There was a Mrs. Zombie but we are long time divorced now. Your suggestion must never reach her.


Divorced? Was it the foetid rectal fleece?

The only thing I know is that I might be wrong about everything else.
Poll: Are binary opinions good or bad?

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 11:00 - Sep 25 with 529 viewsWeWereZombies

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:55 - Sep 25 by AlanRetentive

I do not see how song would aid in the removal of the unwanted follicles. Perhaps you mean 'singeing'? I would like to point out for legal reasons that in offering this correction I am not in fact endorsing the proposed remedial action.


Although singing as a cure for @rse hair could appeal to New Age oldies, I reckon I could get £50 a crack for that if WOMAD ever gets held again.

Poll: How thick is Matt Hancock?

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 11:32 - Sep 25 with 501 viewsWeWereZombies

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:59 - Sep 25 by NthQldITFC

Divorced? Was it the foetid rectal fleece?


I think that would have been a very distant second to me being difficult to live with.

Well, according to her anyway...

Poll: How thick is Matt Hancock?

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 12:41 - Sep 25 with 479 viewspinewoodblueboy

Dingleberry. Din-gle-ber-ry.

1. A particle of fecal matter attached to the anal hair of an animal.
2. A foolish or inept person.
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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 12:47 - Sep 25 with 468 viewshype313

The medical term is Tagnuts.

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 13:00 - Sep 25 with 459 viewsEdwardStone

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 11:00 - Sep 25 by WeWereZombies

Although singing as a cure for @rse hair could appeal to New Age oldies, I reckon I could get £50 a crack for that if WOMAD ever gets held again.


£50 a crack....excellent
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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 13:09 - Sep 25 with 444 viewsNthQldITFC

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 11:32 - Sep 25 by WeWereZombies

I think that would have been a very distant second to me being difficult to live with.

Well, according to her anyway...


I meant hers!

(sorry if I've gone a bit OTT)

The only thing I know is that I might be wrong about everything else.
Poll: Are binary opinions good or bad?

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I've always gone "Dangleberry" to be honest. (n/t) on 13:17 - Sep 25 with 440 viewsBloots

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 12:41 - Sep 25 by pinewoodblueboy

Dingleberry. Din-gle-ber-ry.

1. A particle of fecal matter attached to the anal hair of an animal.
2. A foolish or inept person.



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"Chugnuts" (n/t) on 13:17 - Sep 25 with 443 viewsBloots


Poll: Best goal today.......?

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"Chugnuts" (n/t) on 13:19 - Sep 25 with 440 viewsDyland

"Chugnuts" (n/t) on 13:17 - Sep 25 by Bloots



My college band had a song called Clagnut Blues. I wrote the words, obvs.

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"Chugnuts" (n/t) on 14:02 - Sep 25 with 414 viewsPendejo

"Chugnuts" (n/t) on 13:17 - Sep 25 by Bloots



We used to refer to them as Klingons

uberima fides
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"Chugnuts" (n/t) on 14:15 - Sep 25 with 407 viewspinewoodblueboy

"Chugnuts" (n/t) on 14:02 - Sep 25 by Pendejo

We used to refer to them as Klingons


Indeed, klingon was the word we used as kids.
First heard the term dingleberry from a couple of scouse lads on a drunken holiday night out many years ago.
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True, there's a remarkable.... on 14:20 - Sep 25 with 398 viewsBloots

"Chugnuts" (n/t) on 14:02 - Sep 25 by Pendejo

We used to refer to them as Klingons


....array of names for what is essentially a bit of dried plop, stuck on a bum hair.

Poll: Best goal today.......?

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True, there's a remarkable.... on 15:06 - Sep 25 with 375 viewsKeno

True, there's a remarkable.... on 14:20 - Sep 25 by Bloots

....array of names for what is essentially a bit of dried plop, stuck on a bum hair.


Huckerbys

I tend to call that huckerbys

Poll: What sort of fight should Downes have to get back into the team?
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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 18:45 - Sep 25 with 312 viewsEwan_Oozami

You need one of these:

https://uk.balls.co/products/balls-electric-trimmer?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_5WKw-2E7A

Am viewing TWTD in Table Mode on this browser so apologies if replying to a completely different post to the one I intended.
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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 19:17 - Sep 25 with 293 viewsWeWereZombies

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 18:45 - Sep 25 by Ewan_Oozami

You need one of these:

https://uk.balls.co/products/balls-electric-trimmer?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_5WKw-2E7A


Excuse me but I am not sure that you can tell your @rse from your elb...sorry - balls.

Poll: How thick is Matt Hancock?

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Here you go old chap..... on 19:52 - Sep 25 with 275 viewsBloots


Poll: Best goal today.......?

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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 20:14 - Sep 25 with 255 viewscatch74

Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:43 - Sep 25 by NthQldITFC

The improvisational answer lies within you full and frank disclosure. You have arse hair, and you have a woodburner. All you need is to fashion a reliable harness and bracing point which will allow you to present on a regular basis, your hairy rear end to the woodburner in a controlled and reliable manner, thus singing off the offending stinking pelt.

Of course, given your self-professed lack of DIY skills this may all turn out badly.

As to intelligent design, I am really not qualified to offer an opinion, if you will pardon my reticence.


I’d be a little worried that a clagnut could act a bit likea mini compressed wood briquette, slow burning. This glowing ember could cause some nasty damage to his ring.

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