| My dad passed away on Wednesday 08:24 - Mar 14 with 6008 views | The_Flashing_Smile |
Spent much of yesterday doing the admin stuff, something I've never done before. There's a surprising amount you have to do, and you don't really have a lot of time before you need to crack on with it.
Something made us laugh - on ringing the Tissue Donation place to see if there's anything they could take (even skin, bone and heart valves are possible apparently)... we found with dad nothing was possible, it was all knackered or too old. Which we thought was quite fitting. In life he always wore things until they were falling apart, beyond repair, getting the absolute full use out of them... and he's done the same with his body!
Another amusing/surprising thing, as part of the funeral prep my brother suggested giving away a few bottles of wine to anyone who wants it at the wake, as dad was a keen winemaker. We thought there might be 5 or 6 knocking about. On searching the spare room, the floor of the garage, and then a big locked cupboard in the garage... we discovered over 100 bottles! All ready to drink, various years and fruits. Funny thing is, neither mum or dad were big wine drinkers. He obviously just loved the process of making it.
We're going to make labels (working title: Ken Dropped A Fruity One, "ABV: Your Guess Is As Good As Ours") and have more than enough to give everyone a bottle. He was a very generous man, so what a great and fitting tribute that will be!
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| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 13:39 - Mar 14 with 1061 views | Plums |
Sorry for your loss mate, it's a horrible thing to go through.
Take care of you and yours and enjoy the laughs and memories. They're the precious bits |  |
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| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 13:53 - Mar 14 with 1023 views | ArnoldMoorhen |
| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 10:37 - Mar 14 by The_Flashing_Smile |
That's a great idea, although not sure how it would work with the licencing laws if people were consuming on the premises! |
The premises owner/licence holder would have to give permission.
You would have to ensure no under 18s consumed.
If there is no charge, then that would be that.
Or if you held the wake at an unlicensed premises and only used your Dad's wine and other alcohol you had brought in, for no charge, and didn't allow under 18s to drink it, then you would be clear. |  | | |
| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 13:58 - Mar 14 with 1018 views | BloomBlue |
| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 10:30 - Mar 14 by ArnoldMoorhen |
Please tell me you insisted on one of each handle for the coffin! |
😃 We thought about it, but she had put up with Dad's 'saving money' approach to DIY all her married life, it was only fair we sent her off with everything matching
It was should a silly thing to laugh about but we still chuckle about it. |  | | |
| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 14:26 - Mar 14 with 986 views | itfcjoe |
Sorry for your loss and RIP to Dollers Sr
Look after yourself over the next few weeks |  |
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| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 18:56 - Mar 14 with 868 views | RedWhiteAndBLUE |
Sorry for your loss. Take care mate. |  | | |
| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 19:09 - Mar 14 with 862 views | Nutkins_Return |
Sorry to hear your sad news but you've made this a great post and awesome your dad can still make you smile after he's gone. The wine stuff will be a lovely memory. I hope you all keep a bottle though!! | |
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| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 21:40 - Mar 14 with 816 views | Swansea_Blue |
Sorry to hear that Flash. Wishing you all the best.
It’s a funny time. When each of my parents passed away, I remember the days and weeks after being a strange mix of sadness one minute, laughter the next when you remember one of their quirks (like a garage full of un-drunk wine bottles!) and then at other times you forget they’ve gone and it doesn’t seem real.
The admin is a ball ache but necessary. A good funeral director is worth their weight in gold. Probate’s not fun if you get lumbered with that. All the fkn paperwork and processes take something away from a time that you just want to be very personal. I hope you’ve got someone/somemany around you who you can cry, laugh or just sit quietly with. [Post edited 14 Mar 21:43]
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| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 22:40 - Mar 14 with 780 views | reusersfreekicks |
Sorry to hear that.
Take care |  | | |
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| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 06:40 - Mar 15 with 723 views | The_Flashing_Smile |
| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 21:40 - Mar 14 by Swansea_Blue |
Sorry to hear that Flash. Wishing you all the best.
It’s a funny time. When each of my parents passed away, I remember the days and weeks after being a strange mix of sadness one minute, laughter the next when you remember one of their quirks (like a garage full of un-drunk wine bottles!) and then at other times you forget they’ve gone and it doesn’t seem real.
The admin is a ball ache but necessary. A good funeral director is worth their weight in gold. Probate’s not fun if you get lumbered with that. All the fkn paperwork and processes take something away from a time that you just want to be very personal. I hope you’ve got someone/somemany around you who you can cry, laugh or just sit quietly with. [Post edited 14 Mar 21:43]
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I think the probate stuff should be straightforward, dad's will has everything going to mum and visa versa.
I know what you mean about everything seeming surreal. It's such a life change. These last couple of months it feels like I've slipped into a very similar parallel universe. | |
| Trust the process. Trust Phil. |
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| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 07:44 - Mar 15 with 677 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 06:40 - Mar 15 by The_Flashing_Smile |
I think the probate stuff should be straightforward, dad's will has everything going to mum and visa versa.
I know what you mean about everything seeming surreal. It's such a life change. These last couple of months it feels like I've slipped into a very similar parallel universe. |
You should be ok Dollers, even I managed that but losing my Mum would certainly be more taxing!
Grief is very personal in that it takes many forms and comes in ripples or waves often out of nowhere.
Mum didn't attend my Dad's funeral, only siblings did, but her choice of 'Wake up, make love to me' which played as I stood alone with his coffin, sun shining through the chapel window will always make me smile.
Take care. x |  |
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| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 08:12 - Mar 15 with 644 views | Churchman |
I am very sorry to hear your loss, Flash. Your dad sounds like he was an exceptional man.
In terms of getting things done, there’s an awful lot to do but as others have pointed out there are plenty of sources of processes /information. When we lost my mum in 2018, my dad wasn’t in a fit state to do anything and my sister kind of froze. Loss affects people in so many different ways. It was my first time dealing with something like that so launched into it. When we lost my father just over a year ago, it was easier, having got the t shirt for what to do.
An overriding memory for both is how helpful people were. They were more than happy to help fill in the chasmesque lack of knowledge on my part. For me, I made to do lists (spreadsheet). It got longer as the days went by, with the addition of dates and financials. It helped me keep track and meant I didn’t miss anything. And it was sort of comforting to see what had been sorted.
An A4 notepad accompanied me everywhere too. With so much whizzing around a very small brain I needed all the prompts I could get. But each to their own. You will know what works best for you.
As has been pointed out a good Funeral Director is key. For me it was worth the money and they took the pressure off in lots of different ways. When you go to the Registry Office, they will provide a number/link for Tell Us Once Service. That saved a lot of time.
Most banks and other places have bereavement hotlines these days - use them as there’s no waiting in and endless queue and you’ll get to talk to a human who knows what they’re doing. If you have to take a certificate into anywhere, ask them to take a certified copy.
Probate? With a surviving partner around it should be quite quick - a matter of weeks for a friend of mine who was in your situation recently.
Regardless of any of the above, look after health and well-being. Going through this is exhausting so aside from looking out for others, be kind to yourself too by eating properly, taking breaks and looking back on fun times as you are clearly doing from the OP..
It’s curious but I have to really think hard to recall just how tough the months (years in my mums case) were in the run up to their passing. I automatically recall them in their prime, fun stuff, shared experiences etc. I’m sure you will do the same.
It’s a cliche but a true - one day at a time. If you need any thoughts on anything, pm me. Look after yourself. |  | | |
| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 11:19 - Mar 15 with 566 views | The_Flashing_Smile |
| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 08:12 - Mar 15 by Churchman |
I am very sorry to hear your loss, Flash. Your dad sounds like he was an exceptional man.
In terms of getting things done, there’s an awful lot to do but as others have pointed out there are plenty of sources of processes /information. When we lost my mum in 2018, my dad wasn’t in a fit state to do anything and my sister kind of froze. Loss affects people in so many different ways. It was my first time dealing with something like that so launched into it. When we lost my father just over a year ago, it was easier, having got the t shirt for what to do.
An overriding memory for both is how helpful people were. They were more than happy to help fill in the chasmesque lack of knowledge on my part. For me, I made to do lists (spreadsheet). It got longer as the days went by, with the addition of dates and financials. It helped me keep track and meant I didn’t miss anything. And it was sort of comforting to see what had been sorted.
An A4 notepad accompanied me everywhere too. With so much whizzing around a very small brain I needed all the prompts I could get. But each to their own. You will know what works best for you.
As has been pointed out a good Funeral Director is key. For me it was worth the money and they took the pressure off in lots of different ways. When you go to the Registry Office, they will provide a number/link for Tell Us Once Service. That saved a lot of time.
Most banks and other places have bereavement hotlines these days - use them as there’s no waiting in and endless queue and you’ll get to talk to a human who knows what they’re doing. If you have to take a certificate into anywhere, ask them to take a certified copy.
Probate? With a surviving partner around it should be quite quick - a matter of weeks for a friend of mine who was in your situation recently.
Regardless of any of the above, look after health and well-being. Going through this is exhausting so aside from looking out for others, be kind to yourself too by eating properly, taking breaks and looking back on fun times as you are clearly doing from the OP..
It’s curious but I have to really think hard to recall just how tough the months (years in my mums case) were in the run up to their passing. I automatically recall them in their prime, fun stuff, shared experiences etc. I’m sure you will do the same.
It’s a cliche but a true - one day at a time. If you need any thoughts on anything, pm me. Look after yourself. |
Cheers Churchers, appreciate all that. | |
| Trust the process. Trust Phil. |
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| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 14:19 - Mar 15 with 480 views | Hugoagogo_Reborn |
Just wanted to add my condolences to you on the topic, and also, it's great to see you have chosen such a good way of remembering and celebrating his life with love and humour, as well as with grief. It's a really healthy attitude to have when you lose a loved one.
Take care of yourself - funeral arrangements and the other admin can be exhausting. I learned to my cost that you can take on too much and burn yourself out at a time when you are vulnerable. Delegate what you can! |  | | |
| My dad passed away on Wednesday on 15:42 - Mar 15 with 428 views | Nthsuffolkblue |
My condolences to you and the family. Take care of yourself, it is a difficult thing to lose a parent whatever your age. |  |
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