| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) 19:16 - Dec 27 with 2086 views | Warkystache |
Welcome back.
Apologies for recording this so late; yesterday was a bad day. I mean, 'bad' as in good, great even. We spent the morning in bed and the afternoon eating steak and chips and dancing to cheesy '80's and '90's pop with the Terries. This is my truth. This is my account of those 'lost days', lost insomuch as I can't honestly remember them. Without recourse to more drink (and I'll admit, I've done a bottle of M&S Merlot this afternoon during lunch with my parents. We had to get a cab home. My dad has discovered cocktails, 80-odd years after the rest of this decadent Isle. They were meant to be appetisers, yet the taste and the after-effects remain with me still) my heart is full and has burst and probably floated away like those bloody lit balloons they used to release at festivals.
Paula is sat watching 'catch up tv' on Sky. We've had the Shaun the Sheep Xmas special and the Fishing with Whitehouse and Mortimer thing already. We're onto The Phantom of the Opera 25th anniversary thing on Sky Arts. I said I had a bit more work to do on the laptop. We've got M&S party food warming and a bottle of tequila to turn into Margeritas. It's the common BH Monday bit. Interspersed with a bit of sexual stuff. I'm really rather enjoying it.
So Christmas Day. We awoke at 8am. She was up before me, which was a novelty. She didn't sleep well the night before; excitement and a wavering dream about her future life kept us both awake. She needed reassurance and I provided it, secretly proud of myself at how I'd matured in the months since we've been together.
I can't watch The Snowman or Father Christmas on Ch 4 any more. They raise the old lump in the throat too greatly. I never had this issue with the ex or when I was a nipper. Now, well, they induce emotion and I'm never great with emotion at the minute. Everything just feels too perfect to cope.
We had the same conversation about her Decree Absolute and when it would happen. We're now past the Nisi bit (November) but she read online with me that the Absolute takes up to 4 months to be granted. We can't marry until this. We have had no contact with her ex-husband Blake since we became an item. I'd be tempted to offer him a few quid to speed it up, only I can't and that's not just because I don't know his current address.
We opened the 'official pressies' at 9am, with coffee and toast. She was thrilled with her handbag (thanks Bankster and his missus) and had an attack of the guilts as to my spending so much. She was also thrilled at the Jo Malone perfume and the candle and the odd, jokey bits I bought her. The main present, her (hopeful) engagement ring, stayed in my pocket and my drawer until later. She had not a clue.
I received presents that, although not expensive, meant a lot. I've been a fan of Jerome K Jerome since I was a kid and had to read Three Men in a Boat at school. The first edition she'd got from Abe Books was a surprise. I also love Floris cologne and Helly Hanson sweaters. And good Turkish Delight. It was as successful an exchange as I hope and pray our love making has produced recently.
Tel arrived at 11am on the dot. The booze, their pressies from us both, the dessert he said he "din't need but bring the bleeder anyway; we're bound ter get 'ungry later" were bagged and added to the odd coats and bags for life that made up the rear seat of their vehicle. Tel kindly moved them so we could sit in comfort. We consigned the rest to the boot except pressies.
Mrs Tel. Well. Her hair reminded me of Bowie. It was dark for the first three inches, then slowly brightened, like dawn in winter, to become lighter and lighter at the tips, where it became orangey-pale. That was money well spent. We all admired the contrast, until she tired of the admiration and muttered "Jus' get in the car an' thanks for the comments". We did as told.
Once at Chez Tel, and enlightened by a snifter of Champagne (Bollinger), we all relaxed. The tortilla chips and varied dips were plated and passed; the wine was opened to breathe as I told him (a bottle of Chateauneaf 1998 my dad gave me on Friday) and the turkey basted to a golden brown (without heroin, unlike the Stranglers song), we discussed Mrs Paula and the Christmas Eve visit. I teased about his embarrassment and he smiled and replied "Never bleedin' appened eiver. Wot she forgot to tell ya was we stopped at some services near Chelmsford and I 'ad a gipsy's in the bogs there. The ole washbasin 'ot tap was a bit enthusiastic, that was all". He relapsed into suspiciously well-rehearsed smug.
Paula discussed Mrs Tel's new hairstyle with her, in tones of wonderment. Mrs Tel took the appreciation better after a few coupe's of champers and told her that it was 'werf every penny, like, you wanna go there P". Paula admitted to me later, when alone, that she'd like her hair done properly so she will book the same hairdresser. I mentally waved goodbye to a hundred-odd quid. Still, she's slowly outgrown her bob. I'd like to see her with a different, sophisticated style.
The dinner was gorgeous. Tel gave the turkey crown a final fond baste and then he carved thick slices. They looked dry but weren't. The cranberry sauce, homemade, was a triumph of sour/sweet perfection which lifted the otherwise bland turkey flavour to the sphere where you could stand to finish the serving he carved you. The roasts were crispier than a cornflake and the veg was steamed rather than boiled. We ate the lot. Dressed in cheap paper hats from the crackers.
Tel was on form. "Bleedin' sprouts" he moaned as the veg steamer pinged. ""Arder than an Ipswich winner they are". We binned them without bothering. Then he mentioned (again) that the food was from Swiss Farms and Paula said, naively, 'Why d'yer order them from Switzerland then, Tel?' and his attempts to explain just caused merriment. The fact he still can't say whereabouts in Suffolk Swiss Farms actually are added to it.
Dinner over, the pud eschewed for more drink and then the late afternoon disco in his front room, with Mrs Tel doing strange pump-like dances to "Cars" by Gary Numan and Paula and I causing slight tears and emotion by dancing together to "Together in Electric Dreams" and then 'The One I Love' by REM, with her taking the lead because, frankly, by then, I was hammered (Tel's idea of Irish Coffee is good and well-intentioned but it needed more coffee than Jamesons).
The cab arrived at twelve as ordered and we kissed and exchanged pressies and we gave them YSL jeans and Anais Anais and a Sex Pistols T-shirt and a bottle of Grey Goose vodka and we got a bottle of vintage Moet and a bottle of decent Tequila and two boxes of His'n'hers chocolate liqueurs.
It was Boxing Day when we got home, the earlier hours. We switched the lights off and retired to dreamless sleep. I remembered the ring at 2am. Oh well. Tomorrow's another day.....
Which it turned out to be, despite an invitation to dine with the Tel's at 3pm. "'Onest, these steaks are the biz!!" said Tel on Christmas Day eve, pointing drunk at his gob like the Happy Eater sign on motorways of my youth. We both awoke at ten, me desperate for jimmy and coffee, Paula moaning that she'd never slept so late and needed a shower. We went our separate ways at the bedroom door. I used the downstairs bog. It was warm and flowing enough to have showered a whole cell block.
P showered, dressed and made-up. I showered after, dressed and made coffee. I fingered the ring box in my jeans, unsure of how to introduce it after she'd eaten the pancakes and the bacon. In the end, I did the corny bit. I got down on one knee. And she cried. And I cried. And then we hugged and kissed and she suddenly remembered and said 'Yes'. Although it wasn't quite a straightforward as that, and, if you don't mind, I'll keep the words she actually said in rely to myself, because they were heartfelt and they were personal. And we spent the rest of the morning kissing and with her admiring her £8000 engagement ring in every nuance of pose.
And Tel said "Well, iss finally official!" when he collected us at toward for one, I didn't have a smart, funny answer. The steaks were as good as he promised. I just wish he'd gone a bit easier on the drink. I had a head on me this morning like a council gritter.......
She accepted me! I'm getting married again next year. Christ.....Happy Xmas one and all.....
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 19:25 - Dec 27 with 2011 views | EdwardStone |
Delighted for you both |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 19:34 - Dec 27 with 1987 views | LeBlue |
Many congratulations to you love birds. I don't know you personally but thanks you for sharing your stories, great reading!! |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 19:39 - Dec 27 with 1966 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
Miss Slave says....â¤...she had guessed at 2 carats a couple of days back!
Junior Slave says that it's about time she went to a wedding too having failed to organise ours yet.
Good on you Warky....   |  |
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 19:42 - Dec 27 with 1944 views | Warkystache |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 19:39 - Dec 27 by BanksterDebtSlave |
Miss Slave says....â¤...she had guessed at 2 carats a couple of days back!
Junior Slave says that it's about time she went to a wedding too having failed to organise ours yet.
Good on you Warky.... |
I'm sure you'll all be invited!!
God, so much to sort out before then! I'd better start saving...... | |
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 20:02 - Dec 27 with 1912 views | blueboyd |
I love that, very happy for you. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 20:25 - Dec 27 with 1862 views | Ftnfwest |
Congratulations feller, blimey the old ticker was going a bit as I read there, hoping it would turn out ok! |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 20:35 - Dec 27 with 1836 views | J2BLUE |
Congrats Warky. I think i've refreshed TWTD about 100 times today looking for this update.
Really, really pleased for you. |  |
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 21:07 - Dec 27 with 1775 views | brogansnose |
'kin brilliant.
All the best to you both. |  | | |
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 21:07 - Dec 27 with 1777 views | hoppy |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 19:42 - Dec 27 by Warkystache |
I'm sure you'll all be invited!!
God, so much to sort out before then! I'd better start saving...... |
Might finally get to meet you then!!
Better start saving…. Or else you might have to pawn the engagement ring… |  |
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 21:36 - Dec 27 with 1709 views | Westover |
Great news all the best pleased for you. ðŸ¾ðŸ·ðŸ¸ðŸ¹ðŸ» | | | |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 22:33 - Dec 27 with 1632 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 19:42 - Dec 27 by Warkystache |
I'm sure you'll all be invited!!
God, so much to sort out before then! I'd better start saving...... |
We all promise not to mention the reports! | |
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 22:40 - Dec 27 with 1613 views | hoppy |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 22:33 - Dec 27 by BanksterDebtSlave |
We all promise not to mention the reports! |
What reports?   | |
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 22:50 - Dec 27 with 1588 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 22:40 - Dec 27 by hoppy |
What reports? |
We're already practicing our Brummie accents! | |
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 23:09 - Dec 27 with 1563 views | Fixed_It |
After your brief message on here last night I actually laid awake worrying about you, fearing that things had gone horribly wrong! I guess that is part of the writer's art! We are clearly that invested in your life right now!
Glad to hear that my worries were unfounded and that things are going well - I'm really chuffed for you! |  |
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 23:26 - Dec 27 with 1518 views | hoppy |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 22:50 - Dec 27 by BanksterDebtSlave |
We're already practicing our Brummie accents! |
Good on yow. | |
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 07:56 - Dec 28 with 1327 views | witchdoctor |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 23:26 - Dec 27 by hoppy |
Good on yow. |
yaaaaaay….huge congrats to you both…x |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 08:14 - Dec 28 with 1314 views | borge |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 20:35 - Dec 27 by J2BLUE |
Congrats Warky. I think i've refreshed TWTD about 100 times today looking for this update.
Really, really pleased for you. |
Me too.....and then the earlier post saying it wasn't the right time with a sad face!
Congrats! | | | |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 15:05 - Dec 28 with 1142 views | Eireannach_gorm |
Congratulations. Hope you both will continue to be very happy together. |  | | |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 23:49 - Dec 28 with 1049 views | TheBoyBlue |
Congratulations and Merry Christmas! | |
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 10:16 - Dec 29 with 935 views | garygboltonblue |
Wonderful, Congratulations to you | | | |
| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 10:46 - Dec 29 with 897 views | Steve_M |
Congratulations Warkers! |  |
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| The Warky Report: Christmas Day and all the paraphernalia (H & A) on 11:20 - Dec 29 with 868 views | Plums |
Fabulous stuff! Congratulations to you both.
How does TWTD buy a collective hat? Is that one for Footers? [Post edited 29 Dec 2021 11:21]
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