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Sorry to hear this. Keep yourself busy, really busy. I bought an xbox and tried to spend hours on that as a distraction. Also, write down thoughts and feelings in a notebook even if you have no intention of reading them again.
Talk with people, visit friends.
Things will, and do, improve.
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Breakups - tips? on 20:36 - Dec 14 with 3324 views
Crap time of year for it to happen too. I've been there more than once.
Plenty of self love. Avoid triggers that you know will make you sad, such as social media pages, photographs etc, songs you both liked etc. Certainly at least for the first couple of months.
Get in touch with friends or people you haven't seen for a while. Go for a few long walks away from where you live, visit some new places, try a new hobby. Build memories that are your own for a while.
Seek out things to do that you always wanted to but never had time for, or your ex wasn't interested in/nagged you about/resented you for doing?
One to ones with your besties can be brilliant and talking things through sometimes helps you understand or see things in a way you hadn't previously. Don't be afraid to cry.
Hopefully you have someone close you can turn to and talk with. Take time and enjoy the benefits of being on your own. There are benefits to relationships but also benefits to being single. Look after yourself.
You're into music if I recall. Get your happy playlist on your phone, headphones on and get outside if the weather is ok. Some lovely colours out there atm, if a little muddy underfoot.
Hard but there will be someone along who you'd have missed out on if stuck in another relationship.
Thank you all very much for your replies and kind words. Appreciate that I can’t reply to all, but have taken the points on board and will focus on some of these things.
Definitely been a lot of crying.
Who said: "Colin Healy made Cesc Fabregas look like Colin Healy"? | We miss you TLA
10
Breakups - tips? on 21:52 - Dec 14 with 2935 views
Thank you all very much for your replies and kind words. Appreciate that I can’t reply to all, but have taken the points on board and will focus on some of these things.
Definitely been a lot of crying.
Crying is healthy as is talking with someone who will listen.
The feeling of a break up is similar to grief, take your time to cry, feel hurt, anger annoyance and all sorts of emotions. It’s like a fever you have to let it burn out before you feel better and move beyond it
And something my dad said “you are better out of a bad relationship than in one”
Lots of us have been there, so don’t be afraid to speak up
I hear you on this, I will have travelled on our rotating planet for 49 years on the 16th of December.
I've had multiple long term relationships and being honest bar one I've been the one dumped. One relationship back in my 20s still today hurts, she basically did the Meatloaf 2 out of 3 ain't bad routine and walked out on me suddenly after 7 years.
Without knowing what happened in your relationship, the feelings of rejection, surprise and self reflection can be over powering. Breakups are horrible full stop.
Others have posted good advice.
Mine would be look after yourself first, take your time and do you. Share with close friends, if you aren't ready to head down the pub etc tell them so.
Take your time to find yourself, think about what makes you... music etc and go refind yourself which is what made you attractive in the first place.
Healing takes time...I could quote many many Smith's songs as they were my go to.
I feel for you and hopefully the Derby on my birthday will give us some smiles.
Internet out to you!
6
Breakups - tips? on 22:27 - Dec 14 with 2760 views
The feeling of a break up is similar to grief, take your time to cry, feel hurt, anger annoyance and all sorts of emotions. It’s like a fever you have to let it burn out before you feel better and move beyond it
And something my dad said “you are better out of a bad relationship than in one”
Lots of us have been there, so don’t be afraid to speak up
With love mate x
Thanks mate.
Life is tough enough isn’t it. Makes you wonder why we open ourselves up to things like this. All too much really.
Who said: "Colin Healy made Cesc Fabregas look like Colin Healy"? | We miss you TLA
1
Breakups - tips? on 22:37 - Dec 14 with 2709 views
Hey Swailsey. A break up can be gut wrenching. But make something positive from this and use your song writing talent to get those emotions out. Talk to your nearest and dearest and surround yourself with people rather than isolate yourself.
You’re no stranger to that black dog so it’s important that you recognise those warning signs of falling into depression. So talk, talk and more talk. TWTD is a family and we are all here for you mate.
I hear you on this, I will have travelled on our rotating planet for 49 years on the 16th of December.
I've had multiple long term relationships and being honest bar one I've been the one dumped. One relationship back in my 20s still today hurts, she basically did the Meatloaf 2 out of 3 ain't bad routine and walked out on me suddenly after 7 years.
Without knowing what happened in your relationship, the feelings of rejection, surprise and self reflection can be over powering. Breakups are horrible full stop.
Others have posted good advice.
Mine would be look after yourself first, take your time and do you. Share with close friends, if you aren't ready to head down the pub etc tell them so.
Take your time to find yourself, think about what makes you... music etc and go refind yourself which is what made you attractive in the first place.
Healing takes time...I could quote many many Smith's songs as they were my go to.
I feel for you and hopefully the Derby on my birthday will give us some smiles.
Internet out to you!
Thank you for this
[Post edited 15 Dec 2023 8:36]
Who said: "Colin Healy made Cesc Fabregas look like Colin Healy"? | We miss you TLA
1
Breakups - tips? on 08:36 - Dec 15 with 2177 views
Hey Swailsey. A break up can be gut wrenching. But make something positive from this and use your song writing talent to get those emotions out. Talk to your nearest and dearest and surround yourself with people rather than isolate yourself.
You’re no stranger to that black dog so it’s important that you recognise those warning signs of falling into depression. So talk, talk and more talk. TWTD is a family and we are all here for you mate.
Thank you as always GB
Who said: "Colin Healy made Cesc Fabregas look like Colin Healy"? | We miss you TLA
0
Breakups - tips? on 08:40 - Dec 15 with 2154 views
I am sorry you are going through this at this time of year.
I found out my partner of 16 years (Wife of 5) was ‘talking to someone else’ in the run up to Christmas and she left on NYE leaving me with our 2 sons while she ‘sorted her head out. I hated December and despised NYE. That was 3 years ago now (time really does fly) and now I am ‘talking to someone’ and really looking forward to the Christmas period with the kids and looking to the future with someone who makes me happy.
I hope that doesn’t sound insensitive but I can relate to how hard it is and what you are feeling but also that there is always the future and positivity.
I have no advice other than to try and look after yourself, definitely talk (even if on a message board to strangers) and know that it is not all your fault, even what appear to be the best relationships may be built on sand that you don’t find out/understand until they are over.
Good luck, merry Christmas and COYFB
[Post edited 15 Dec 2023 9:23]
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Breakups - tips? on 08:42 - Dec 15 with 2144 views
Life is tough enough isn’t it. Makes you wonder why we open ourselves up to things like this. All too much really.
I hope this doesn't sound trite, here's something I got told by a counsellor about emotional pain, this too shall pass.
“King Solomon was trying to humble his wisest servant, so he asked him to perform a seemingly impossible task: to find something that did not exist. He requested a magic ring — one that, if a sad man wore it, he would become happy and if a happy man wore it, he would become sad.”
The story suggests that the servant could not find anything of such nature. So, King Solomon decided upon himself to go to a jeweler and design a ring with the inscription in Hebrew saying, “Gam ze ya’avor,” which means, “This, too, shall pass.”
What I try to do when trapped in grief, is to try to visualise my emotion as a physical object. This has really helped. Instead of being trapped in my head I see sadness like a giant tear that is just water and salt, and can be drunk by me, pishing spring water and shjting salt nuggets. I'd done months of self flagellation and this has really helped me, diverting sadness immediately.
1
Breakups - tips? on 08:50 - Dec 15 with 2107 views
Really sorry to hear that, awful time of year for it.
I like the suggestion Lagos made, get out there with some headphones on and do some hiking or something. I went up Mam Tor recently, first proper hill I'd tried, and loved it. Basically, anything to take your mind off it.
Relationship breakups always struck me as a little like grief, just with a much shorter shelf life. The only way really through them are distractions and time.
As we are all different we all cope in different ways this bit is horrible but time is a great healer we here it but time seems to go slowly 🐌 You won't believe it but I look back and think wonder why I let anyone got to me to let myself put myself through it how I did you also build up resilience for the next relationship. We are like a broken mirror thrown on the floor each day you may not see bits stick back together until that mirror is one. I found I was playing or watching football and that was helpful put photos in a box. Was selective with friends as usually friends of both of you tend to be her or your friend and some in-between like to go back and forward with gossip not helpful be strong and you will be happy again there are millions of people out there and life will feel good again 😊
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Breakups - tips? on 12:54 - Dec 15 with 1847 views
Really sorry to hear that, awful time of year for it.
I like the suggestion Lagos made, get out there with some headphones on and do some hiking or something. I went up Mam Tor recently, first proper hill I'd tried, and loved it. Basically, anything to take your mind off it.
Relationship breakups always struck me as a little like grief, just with a much shorter shelf life. The only way really through them are distractions and time.
Hang on in there :) it'll get easier.
Yeah I was told by a counsellor that a break up can be a exactly like grief/a bereavement.
Hang in there Swailsey, your real answer is time. It really is the main healer. I was absolutely devastated after my last break up. It's especially hard if you feel, as I did, that you were going to spend the rest of your life with that person, then suddenly they're gone.
I tend to think these things happen for a reason. Somehow I've managed to end up with someone much better, in every way you can imagine, we've been together 5 years and have a flat together.
It all works out in the end. And you're a better person for having got through it (and anything in life that's hard, really).
Trust the process. Trust Phil.
1
Breakups - tips? on 13:50 - Dec 15 with 1776 views
I'm married now, but back in 1990 my then wife left me. She had been having an affair with a chap at work. I suppose in some ways I knew but it didn't hit me until she said she was staying with her Brother in a caravan for a weekend. How I found out was she actually came home and said she was moving out, funnily enough only a few weeks before Christmas. The guys Wife had found a telephone number in his works clothes, phoned the number, he answered it and then told his wife what was going on. Anyway I was devastated as I loved her very much. I always knew she was a bit of a flirt, but never thought we'd part. By the following Christmas I was living in a new house with my current wife. What you must not do is let this stop you enjoying the rest of your life. Initially it's very hard. But I started within months to go out to pubs and meet people. Luckily there was a group of us and although it sounds strange a couple of women who were married, one that had divorced and a couple of divorced fella's who I knew. The divorced girl I hitched up with, but after a while decided she wasn't for me and told her so. My current wife I had met with a friend in the pub when out with the afore mentioned people. When I split with the girl she asked a mutual friend what my number was and phoned me. We went out and the rest as they say is history. Try not to be bitter and twisted as I say get on with your life. Remember the good times you previously had and move forward without regrets.
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Breakups - tips? on 14:26 - Dec 15 with 1709 views
The only advice I can say is cut them out completely. When I had a breakup years ago I kinda kept in touch with her and you think there is chance to get back together when there wasn't. This just prolonged everything.
ALso keep busy as people have said.
Ypu'll get through the other side and meet someone new even though you might not think it at the moment!
1
Breakups - tips? on 14:30 - Dec 15 with 1680 views
The only advice I can say is cut them out completely. When I had a breakup years ago I kinda kept in touch with her and you think there is chance to get back together when there wasn't. This just prolonged everything.
ALso keep busy as people have said.
Ypu'll get through the other side and meet someone new even though you might not think it at the moment!
I think that's good advice. As is most of it on this thread.
I had the same with an ex, we broke up then would see each other at certain things with mutual friends. Ended up in bed with her when drunk after a friends wedding once, stuff like that. Didn't help anything in the long run, and there's often a reason why things come to an end. Easier said than done when you've been together a long time though.
Clean break is best from my experience. Time is a good healer, I've yet to meet many people who don't look back some months / years later and not admit it was the right thing or best thing for everyone involved.
1
Breakups - tips? on 15:30 - Dec 15 with 1574 views
A dreary afternoon We travelled down from Tuam I saw that open goal I can see it still Fifty-fifty ball You nearly got me killed
You broke my heart Tore it apart We lost that spark When you broke my heart
We might have won the game But I just didn't care You went and let it go Just like I wasn't there I saw you comin' in I wasn't marked at all I had it in the net If you had passed the ball
Chorus
I was standing on the edge Of the parallelogram Roarin' me head off Pass it in sham Play it in low Don't hesitate or stall Will you open your eyes For Christ' sake Pass me the ball
Chorus
Their full-back was big But I was small and fast I had him left for dead If I had got that pass A girl can foul you up Tear your life apart There's more than just one way To break a young mans heart And you broke mine
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