| Depression Mind Shift Help 10:55 - Jul 23 with 8959 views | Swailsey |
Hi all. As some of you know I’ve long battled with depression, BPD and other mental health issues.
I’ve been quite functional for several years, but since February (after a very toxic and painful breakup), I have relapsed quite badly into just pure sadness.
It doesn’t feel as manic as before, and I am making sure I stick to doing what improves my life - seeing friends, seeing my therapist, improving my diet, taking medication, working, making music, exercising. However, I just feel completely empty, more so than any other time in my life. Nothing seems to be helping. I have a very lucky life and it just doesn’t cut it.
Everything is grey, every morning is a real battle to get up, brush my teeth, shower. It drains all my energy to just exist. I’m trying so desperately hard to cling onto what gives my life purpose - my job (because it stimulates me, and I have a mortgage and live alone), my friendships, attempting to date - although it’s probably not the right time.
I feel like a terrible employee because I don’t have the spark I did a few months ago, I feel like a bad friend because I cancel at times, I feel like part of a human. If I didn’t have my cat I would happily stay in bed all day sometimes.
I’ve never felt quite so flat, apathetic and empty before. I’m really trying here - but I don’t know how to deal with this lack of energy. At least when I was younger I had that manic depression which had highs and lows. Now I just have nothing.
I’m not asking for medical advice, as that’s an unfair burden to put on anyone, and I’m sorry for the look at me post, but if anyone has battled this and could give some help on how to get the spark of life back, I’d really appreciate it.
Thank you. [Post edited 23 Jul 2024 12:10]
|  |
| Who said: "Colin Healy made Cesc Fabregas look like Colin Healy"? | We miss you TLA |
| |  |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 10:59 - Jul 23 with 6007 views | Linners |
Really sorry to hear that. Anxiety is my issue rather than depression so I'll leave it to others to advise but it does seem that you're doing all the right things. That might not feel like it's helping but hopefully it puts you in a better position to recover quickly when this moment passes... |  | | |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 11:04 - Jul 23 with 5974 views | Keno |
Firstly what an amazing post, well done for speaking up
Secondly just cut this crap out "and I’m sorry for the look at me post" right now!!!
I have no magic words of advice or cure, just that I take each day at a time, try to think positively and try really hard, not always successfully, not to dwell on the bad things. Just keep plugging away
and just remember who dont have nothing.... you have all of us!! (that may not help!!)
Swailsey you are doing ok, and a braver man than many. [Post edited 23 Jul 2024 11:04]
|  |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 11:16 - Jul 23 with 5871 views | giant_stow |
Very sorry to read how much you're suffering mr, but well done for writing about it and i hope that in itself has helped, at least a tiny bit.
Advice can be worse than useless sometimes, but I won't let that stop me! You mention exercise, but is that running / gym stuff or competitive sport? The latter can truly boost the mood like nothing else can, imho. I'm a late convert, but after a game of 5-aside or old man 11-aside, I found myself replaying / cherishing all the moments of the game.
Besides sport, I think just forcing yourself to try new things could be a massive pick me up too. Even minor things like try a new coffee shop, or new route for a walk can help
One last thought: when you're getting hit by a flat or bleak moment, tell yourself, 'its not me, it's my depression' - just that in itself helps me with my ocd.
All the best chap. [Post edited 23 Jul 2024 11:17]
|  |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 11:17 - Jul 23 with 5862 views | homer_123 |
Ah, sorry to hear this fella.
You are doing the right thing, talking about it and also you are doing the right things to try and get yourself sorted - great to see on both counts.
I can only speak personally but for me - it's about knackering myself out - I mean exercising or doing stuff to the point of exhaustion. It helps give me focus, keep my mind from wandering to unhealthy places and ensures I sleep well.
The exercise is the bit that leads to the most important thing for me. Sleep - good quality, regular sleep.
I'm always at my lowest/ worst when I'm not sleeping well and invariably it's because I've become inactive.
That said, sometimes it's fecking hard to make myself do stuff to become exhausted because I simply don't want to. It's a mental battle I have on an ongoing basis.
I've no idea if the above helps but thought I'd share. |  |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 11:17 - Jul 23 with 5856 views | itfckenty |
sorry to hear this mate, I've personally never had to struggle with depression myself, but my Wife deals with Anxiety and depression regularly, and so does my brother.
all the things you noted are the right things to do, but sometimes the rudimentary stuff sometimes won't cut it - and sometimes things only give a small relief, like my wife - when she's doing something that makes her happy, (like a holiday) she changes, but we come back and life just carries on and she's unhappy again.
we are all very different, and different things make us happy - I would start there - what makes you happy? do more of that, if it's travelling - take a little break from work and go somewhere that can clear your mind, I went to Norway last week and my mind just feels free, no thoughts, just clear.
make some new friends, who love what you do - conversations about Cats, music, whatever makes you happy.
you say making music, maybe do more of that every day if that makes you happy.
it's very difficult, but never apologise - talking about everything is the first step. |  | | |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 11:20 - Jul 23 with 5826 views | noggin |
I am ADHD, and with that comes periods of depression. I don't have much advice I'm afraid, as each individual case is different. If you live near some countryside, long walks are known to help some people. Having a dog as a companion also helps some.
Bering in such a dark place is difficult for others to understand so I hope those around you are supportive because that is so important. Please be kind to yourself. If you don't feel like getting up some days, don't. Wishing you all the best Swailsey.
One more point, don't hold back tears. Crying is normal and healthy. [Post edited 23 Jul 2024 11:21]
|  |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 11:22 - Jul 23 with 5814 views | Help |
I have no experience and do not wish to provide unprofessional advice. But I would ask if your current feelings are down to there being something missing? Can you point to anything that makes you feel empty. Is it the repetition?
As you say you have professional help, you are looking after yourself, diet, seeing friends, exercise, the cat.
I wish you all the best and hope that you come through this episode through your own determination and the help of others.
First step is always asking for help. |  |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 11:38 - Jul 23 with 5684 views | Wacko |
The activities you listed are really important and helpful for your wellbeing, but if you feel like it's all becoming a monotonous loop, perhaps you could gamify / set some targets? E.g.
- lose x kilos a month
- write a new song every month
- try cooking a new healthy meal each week
Obviously nothing too ambitious, and something you find enjoyable |  |
| |
Login to get fewer ads
| I feel you… on 11:43 - Jul 23 with 5651 views | Generic |
Well done for posting this. I was at my lowest ebb about 6 months ago and I can’t quite say how or why but things have slowly improved to the fact that right now I’m the best I’ve been maybe in my adult life. All I can think is that the various tools I’ve been adding to my arsenal over a number of years (medication, meditation, CBT, “extreme” self-care etc) have finally started to coalesce. Sounds like you have the same approach so I guess all I can suggest is patience and to try and stay hopeful.
Would love to hear updates and always happy to DM.
Take care… |  | | |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 12:02 - Jul 23 with 5536 views | DanTheMan |
Do you have a therapist? If so, I think you need to talk to them about this as it sounds like clinical depression. If not, please go and see your doctor and get some help.
I've never been in your position, but I've heard my wife talk about trying to get out in nature. Maybe hiking or something similar? |  |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 13:21 - Jul 23 with 5333 views | IndependentlyBlue |
Very sorry to hear how you’re feeling but kudos to you for speaking up about it. That in itself is testimony to the strength you have within.
All the positive things you are doing are the right things. Keep doing them even if they sometimes feel like a chore. Those things all go to make you who you are.
Have struggled in the past myself, and still do on occasions, and am very aware that what works for one person may not for someone else. However, being as open as possible and perhaps trying some of the suggestions others are making may help in some small way to move your ‘stuckness’ forward.
Reading the other responses to your brave post gives me heart about what a great place TWTD is.
Best of luck to you, you aren’t alone. |  |
| Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 13:27 - Jul 23 with 5291 views | blueasfook |
Not sure what medication you are on? Some anti-depression medication can be quite heavy and sap your energy etc. Maybe worth a medication review with your GP? |  |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 13:56 - Jul 23 with 5190 views | GavTWTD |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 12:02 - Jul 23 by DanTheMan |
Do you have a therapist? If so, I think you need to talk to them about this as it sounds like clinical depression. If not, please go and see your doctor and get some help.
I've never been in your position, but I've heard my wife talk about trying to get out in nature. Maybe hiking or something similar? |
I was going to ask if you've seen a GP and blood been tested for your symptoms? Thyroid can cause problems for example. Depression is horrible and I hope you're able to get a handle on it. Some good advice on here and I'm glad you feel you can talk about it. |  |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 20:39 - Jul 23 with 4806 views | Swailsey |
I can’t reply to all of these and the PMs at the moment, but I wanted to say thank you. | |
| Who said: "Colin Healy made Cesc Fabregas look like Colin Healy"? | We miss you TLA |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 20:44 - Jul 23 with 4792 views | Whos_blue |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 20:39 - Jul 23 by Swailsey |
I can’t reply to all of these and the PMs at the moment, but I wanted to say thank you. |
Look after yourself and keep safe. |  |
| Distortion becomes somehow pure in its wildness. |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 23:17 - Jul 23 with 4677 views | ITFCMonk |
Well done for posting on here as I’ve done similar before. Ive struggled with the same for several years now. I’ve found medication to be helpful alongside little things like listening to my favourite music, podcasts, even watching old football clips can help believe it or not! Just remember what makes you yourself and I’m sure the dating side of things will take care of itself. Feel free to send me a DM [Post edited 23 Jul 2024 23:18]
|  |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 23:24 - Jul 23 with 4638 views | Nutkins_Return |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 20:39 - Jul 23 by Swailsey |
I can’t reply to all of these and the PMs at the moment, but I wanted to say thank you. |
No thank you man for having the guts and feeling like you could share this stuff. Many suffer silently and I think this sort of thing is hugely helpful to show others that a) others have these struggles b) it can be helpful to share and seek help.
I hope in some small way sharing has helped and you get to a better place in your mind. Definitely running and exercise is great. | |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 23:31 - Jul 23 with 4620 views | Europablue |
"I feel like a terrible employee". That is very considerate of you. You must be one of the rare people who has an understanding employer. You said you are not so young, but most people who are a bit older are quite cynical about the world of work. That you are so positive about that aspect of your life is a big positive.
I have experienced a close family member committing suicide, and the thing that struck me was how self-reflective people suffering ill mental health become. In essence, the part that you can control or have some influence over is whether your life has meaning. If you don't already have one, you need to forge a meaningful role in life, but it sounds like you have good friends and a rewarding job. It seems to me that it is better to think of others and do good deeds. Volunteering is a great way to see positive results in the world and actively make a difference. | | | |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 00:45 - Jul 24 with 4556 views | WicklowBlue |
Hey Swailsey!
I remember you posting about your break up which was super hard. I also remember sharing, (as much as you can do on the Interweb) a super painful breakup that I went through too!
Already other posters have and will advise better than I can.
What I will say is that I remember you thinking about diving back into your music.
Just in the past week or so, didn't you share you had some gigs lined up? If I was local I'd definitely go and enjoy those, that is something I definitely miss on my side. In terms of being young and free going to watch local bands do their thing.
From my side, anyone who can play a guitar (musical instrument) to any degree at all I'm super envious. That is a great skill that I do not have and covet like you wouldn't believe. Maybe someday in my future I'll advance past crap recorder lessons in my past  |  | | |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 02:17 - Jul 24 with 4504 views | Ryorry |
I'm no medic either, but as others have said, sounds as if a medication review's called for, esp as you have BPD. Also as suggested, good idea to get possible low thyroid investigated; I'd add vit D too. I was found to be seiously deficient in that (as are a suprisingly large % of the UK population) during a routine blood test - and that was at the end of super-sunbathing summer 2018! - & taking a good D supplement hugely increased my energy, reduced my tiredness/lethargy, depite my previously having been on a v. good healthy diet..
Other than that, I find that I can't cope with looking back - too much emotion; looking forward to upcoming sporting & other events like the Proms (your musical tastes might differ!) keeps me going. Also, have you tried gardening? If you don't have your own, I'm sure your friends would be delighted at offers of help! And just being out in nature, lying in the grass, smelling the scents, hearing the sounds and watching the birds, bees, animals and creepy-crawlies givees a great sense of peace, perspective, and one-ness with the universe. You don't have to *do* anything, just soak up "being". [Post edited 24 Jul 2024 3:45]
|  |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 06:17 - Jul 24 with 4432 views | Pippin1970 |
I remember my friend going to therapist. He said which I thought was powerful words. You might never get the answers but coning to peace with yourself. Personally you always have to move forward in life. I try to take positives out of negative situations. I work in mental heart and disabilities. Quite rewarding when you see break through or look at things in a different light. All the best pal. | | | |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 08:50 - Jul 24 with 4305 views | IndependentlyBlue |
Just a couple more thoughts on what’s been posted. Aware that just because these have helped me they’re not necessarily for everyone.
Couldn’t agree more with Ryorry about getting out into nature. Medication I’ve been on for the last couple of years sometimes sends my mood plummeting. I have an allotment and when that lowness hits l go to my plot and just sit quietly and watch nature perform its wonders around me. Posted on another thread about watching honey bees get high in my globe artichoke flowers. Gives me a real lift to just be among normal but incredible stuff. Don’t know where you’re based but you’re welcome on my plot in NR3 anytime.
Don’t know if there’s one in your neck of the woods but l also attend the local Men’s Shed. These vary wildly but l find the guys there very supportive and it’s a great place to learn new skills or just shoot the breeze.
Finally, let us all know when things have gone well. Even if it is something that seems inconsequential. Important to enjoy and share our wins. Success breeds success.
Keep safe and take care. | |
| Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 09:36 - Jul 24 with 4269 views | Swailsey |
Thank you all very much for all of your kind messages and words. Reading through them all has helped me feel very much less alone, and boosted by the support. Thank you also for so many of you sharing your stories as well - the solidarity of TWTD never ceases to amaze me when someone is struggling.
Things are still not feeling particularly good, but I do have an appointment with my GP this morning to discuss my mood, medication (I'm loathe to go on any more, but I want to make sure the current ones are fit for purpose, having been on them for 15 years) and potential blood tests.
Again, I really appreciate all of the kind wishes. | |
| Who said: "Colin Healy made Cesc Fabregas look like Colin Healy"? | We miss you TLA |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 09:49 - Jul 24 with 4252 views | pointofblue |
So sorry to hear this, Swailsey, but please do not apologise for speaking out. It's exactly the right thing to do, and it's the brave thing to do as well. So many people struggle to take this step, bottle up and make things worse.
I can only speak as someone who has a friend who has gone through something very similar to yourself. For him, the emptiness was part of the healing processes. A way that the body adapted to the pain of the painful breakup before being able to find another way to handle emotions.
It is, for some, a step in the right direction, although I appreciate how horrible it feels. I cannot really add to the brilliant advice that other posters have already given, but just to say the emptiness will not last. It is temporary, a roadblock on the path to recovery which you will be able to work through. But please be kind to yourself whilst you do it. The hardest thing for me, with my mate, was him beating himself up and being down on himself for things he had little to no control over - and that included him feeling bad for asking for help.
You're doing so much right. Give yourself credit for the journey you've come on so far, from moving away from the manic feelings you had and sticking to things which improve your life. That's such a hard step to make in the first place.
Reading back, this sounds patronising but I'm not sure how else to phrase it so will leave it be.  But despite the arguments and pettiness at times, TWTD is a great community to help so please continue to be open about how you're getting on and if you need help. | |
| |
| Depression Mind Shift Help on 16:43 - Jul 24 with 4027 views | Swailsey |
Having read this in full again, it's made me extremely emotional, in a positive way.
Thank you all, and those I've spoken to at length via PM. | |
| Who said: "Colin Healy made Cesc Fabregas look like Colin Healy"? | We miss you TLA |
| |
| |
By continuing to use the site, you agree to our use of cookies and to abide by our Terms and Conditions.
