| Thoughts 13:43 - Oct 15 with 7287 views | IH_KGF |
A lovely couple we know are getting married, and we (as a family) have been invited to their special day.
Both are extremely passionate vegans, their life, fair play.
The menu is only vegan options. I'll eat anything. The children however, of the 2 options to pick from aren't going to be touched.
We've asked them if it would be ok if they picked something off the non vegan menu (at the hotel) told straight up no.
Now, i get their position, however on our own wedding day some years back WE ensured that their dietary needs were full catered for, paying extra for them to have something not on the menu. (the only people out of 80/90 that were vegans)
To ensure the peace is kept we've said to not bother with ordering food for the kids, and before/after the food we'll take the kids away from the main event to get them something to fill their tummy's... told that isn't an option.
As I see it;
- our kids not wanting that food is OUR problem
- we've offered a suggestion to them save money
- we've taken the worry away from them
- but they are basically saying they must order food from the vegan menu, not eat it, and can't leave the room after to get food that they would like.
Starting to think i might not bother going at this rate... but the great minds of TWTD might be able to tell me otherwise.
Oh, and its strictly alcohol free, not free as in drink all you want, free as in not a drop! |  | | |  |
| Thoughts on 14:28 - Oct 15 with 766 views | ArnoldMoorhen |
| Thoughts on 14:03 - Oct 15 by leitrimblue |
I'd go for the hip flask and pockets full of mini savoury sausages and cheese and pineapple cubes on cocktail sticks. Least then by the time their playing Agadoo at the end of the night it might feel like you've been to a wedding |
And you'll be able to "push pineapple" (and sausages) on all the other rabid carnivores!
I didn't have "Agadoo lyric pun" on my Bingo Card for today! |  | | |
| Don’t blame ‘em. (n/t) on 14:29 - Oct 15 with 764 views | Bloots |
| Thoughts on 14:26 - Oct 15 by GlasgowBlue |
On a side note my kids ( I say kids, they are 18, 23, 23 & 25) are threatening to boycott Christmas dinner because we are serving a vegan Beef Wellington. |
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| "Yeah I think you’re right, yet again….” - TWTD User (Oct 2025) |
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| Thoughts on 14:37 - Oct 15 with 738 views | IH_KGF |
| Thoughts on 14:26 - Oct 15 by ArnoldMoorhen |
I have personal and professional experience of people getting a manic tunnel vision over their wedding plans.
Can they see the bigger picture? No, they can't.
They would be more likely to think that you are being awkward, and can't you understand how stressed they are with planning the wedding already and now you are making it more difficult etc etc.
That's how I read it.
They simply don't understand that your duty to your children (who will have to attend a very long, very boring adult event and be fed on the timescale that works for their body clocks to have ANY chance of "behaving themselves") far outweighs your duty to them, even though they will naturally assume that you, and everybody else, should make them the focus of your whole attention on their big day.
It's a very special kind of tunnel vision that takes a hold of people!
If you value the friendship then sign the kids up for the meal choices that they are likely to at least be able to try some of. And take a packed lunch for the kids, in case they eat very little of it. But if you really care about the friendship, make a packed lunch that is 100% Vegan. So sandwiches with a sunflower or olive oil spread like Flora, with a filling that is 100% Vegan certified: many jams, some chocolate or nut spreads. Alternatively put their favourite vegetables in with their favourite (Vegan) sauce in a pitta or tortilla wrap.
Do your kids like Supermarket Onion Bhajis or Pakoras? Or Falafel and Hummus?
There are some Vegan chocolate bars which get good reviews.
Dried fruit (Sunmaid raisin boxes etc) or fresh fruit are obvious options.
If your children have dietary restrictions then this could be a nightmare, obviously.
The alternative is for one of you or your partner to go to the wedding, and for the other to have the kids for the day and do something focused on them. |
We spoke to the kids and explained it all, they didn't care, said that the food sounds horrible and they are happy to eat later (and will eat prior to the event anyway, so hardly going to starve) I did say just eat it and don't be a pain, to which the youngest said "are we really the pain here Dad" - made me smile
We opened the reply with "your day is to focus on yourselves and have a great day, with that in mind don't worry about the kids, we'll sort them" - seemingly not a good enough answer :)
So likely that I'll eat 3 plates of vegan food. Pure flower power | | | |
| Thoughts on 14:38 - Oct 15 with 737 views | mutters |
Whilst i feel your pain as a keen meat eater, it's only fair in this scenario to respect their wishes. It's obviously something very close to their heart and beliefs so to have something non vegan there would go against their wishes. Personally I'd accommodate them, it always makes me chuckle when we invite over vegetarians we have to veggie food but when I visit them they never offer to cook meat for me!
Anyway, if i was in your position I'd bring lots of snacks, dill them up with that sort of stuff and then sneak off and have some food in the bar at the venue. They won't be policing everything as it's their big day and if they do catch you, you just say the kids wouldn't touch their food and were kicking off so you felt obliged to feed them so they were less disruptive to the day.
Surely the kids can just have a load of chips and bread or similar? I know it's not great but it's one day. |  |
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| Thoughts on 14:38 - Oct 15 with 732 views | leitrimblue |
| Thoughts on 14:26 - Oct 15 by GlasgowBlue |
On a side note my kids ( I say kids, they are 18, 23, 23 & 25) are threatening to boycott Christmas dinner because we are serving a vegan Beef Wellington. |
Clearly they've been raised well  |  | | |
| Thoughts on 14:40 - Oct 15 with 720 views | ArnoldMoorhen |
| Thoughts on 14:37 - Oct 15 by IH_KGF |
We spoke to the kids and explained it all, they didn't care, said that the food sounds horrible and they are happy to eat later (and will eat prior to the event anyway, so hardly going to starve) I did say just eat it and don't be a pain, to which the youngest said "are we really the pain here Dad" - made me smile
We opened the reply with "your day is to focus on yourselves and have a great day, with that in mind don't worry about the kids, we'll sort them" - seemingly not a good enough answer :)
So likely that I'll eat 3 plates of vegan food. Pure flower power |
You shouldn't feel under pressure to eat up the kids left over food. You have tried to prevent waste every way possible.
If it was me I would probably go with the "one parent at the wedding, the other out for the day with the kids" option. | | | |
| Thoughts on 14:41 - Oct 15 with 718 views | Guthrum |
Think it's excessive to ban you from giving food to the children separately. There's always at least a few minutes standing-around-waiting time at any wedding I've ever been to (sometimes quite a lot of it). How are people going to handle caring for small babies, who won't wait for feeding or changing? |  |
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| Thoughts on 14:41 - Oct 15 with 716 views | leitrimblue |
| Thoughts on 14:28 - Oct 15 by ArnoldMoorhen |
And you'll be able to "push pineapple" (and sausages) on all the other rabid carnivores!
I didn't have "Agadoo lyric pun" on my Bingo Card for today! |
Anyone who even attempts to freestyle a pineapple and cheese lyric into Agadoo deserves maximum respect Arnold. | | | |
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| Thoughts on 14:41 - Oct 15 with 717 views | Clapham_Junction |
| Thoughts on 14:00 - Oct 15 by Meadowlark |
Don't go. It's supposed to be a wedding, not a fascist indoctrination ritual.
I haven't eaten meat for 40 years, but that's my choice. I'm willing to discuss my reasons, but not force them down your throat, if you'll pardon the pun! |
I really don't see the issue here personally – what is wrong with the couple having one of the biggest event in their lives organised in line with their beliefs. I went to a Muslim friend's wedding and was not surprised that the food was halal and no alcohol was served.
The thing about there being no choice not to have a meal for the kids might be the venue only offering it as a package - i.e. the number of people attending is the number of meals. |  | | |
| Thoughts on 14:43 - Oct 15 with 706 views | DanTheMan |
| Thoughts on 14:41 - Oct 15 by Clapham_Junction |
I really don't see the issue here personally – what is wrong with the couple having one of the biggest event in their lives organised in line with their beliefs. I went to a Muslim friend's wedding and was not surprised that the food was halal and no alcohol was served.
The thing about there being no choice not to have a meal for the kids might be the venue only offering it as a package - i.e. the number of people attending is the number of meals. |
Similarly all the food at our wedding was gluten free as my wife is celiac and she wanted one day where she didn't have to worry about cross contamination.
Although this all this faff with kids is why we only had a select few at our wedding... |  |
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| Thoughts on 14:44 - Oct 15 with 697 views | IH_KGF |
| Thoughts on 14:40 - Oct 15 by ArnoldMoorhen |
You shouldn't feel under pressure to eat up the kids left over food. You have tried to prevent waste every way possible.
If it was me I would probably go with the "one parent at the wedding, the other out for the day with the kids" option. |
It wont be pressure, i'll be hungry :) | | | |
| Thoughts on 14:49 - Oct 15 with 672 views | Ryorry |
| Thoughts on 14:38 - Oct 15 by mutters |
Whilst i feel your pain as a keen meat eater, it's only fair in this scenario to respect their wishes. It's obviously something very close to their heart and beliefs so to have something non vegan there would go against their wishes. Personally I'd accommodate them, it always makes me chuckle when we invite over vegetarians we have to veggie food but when I visit them they never offer to cook meat for me!
Anyway, if i was in your position I'd bring lots of snacks, dill them up with that sort of stuff and then sneak off and have some food in the bar at the venue. They won't be policing everything as it's their big day and if they do catch you, you just say the kids wouldn't touch their food and were kicking off so you felt obliged to feed them so they were less disruptive to the day.
Surely the kids can just have a load of chips and bread or similar? I know it's not great but it's one day. |
"Whilst i feel your pain as a keen meat eater, it's only fair in this scenario to respect their wishes."
I made a point on the prev. page that perhaps not everyone *can* respect their wishes because of allergies or other health issue like Crohns & UC. If this couple aren't going to make exceptions for kids, are they going to for those with medical problems?
It's nothing to do with hotel restrictions on wedding plans if they won'r even allow kids to leave the room for alternative food, just intolerance & pushing a point to antisocial extremes. |  |
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| Thoughts on 14:55 - Oct 15 with 635 views | Pinewoodblue |
You don’t say how old the children are, I assume old enough to understand the situation and have an opinion.
Have been to a vegan wedding, albeit one where alcohol flowed freely. They did however stipulate no young children, a way of avoiding the situation you have been placed in.
I suspect you, as a family, are not going to enjoy the experience and it might be best to decline the invitation as the conditions placed are uncompromising.
They maybe offended, it might end your friendship but if it does, bearing in mind the steps you made to accommodate them, then they were never true friends in the first place. Family first should be your approach. |  |
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| Thoughts on 15:00 - Oct 15 with 615 views | BlueBoots |
| Thoughts on 14:41 - Oct 15 by Guthrum |
Think it's excessive to ban you from giving food to the children separately. There's always at least a few minutes standing-around-waiting time at any wedding I've ever been to (sometimes quite a lot of it). How are people going to handle caring for small babies, who won't wait for feeding or changing? |
"How are people going to handle caring for small babies, who won't wait for feeding or changing?"
Clearly there must be a ban on breast-feeding too, as that's definitely not a vegan option! |  |
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| Thoughts on 15:02 - Oct 15 with 605 views | buoyant |
If I knew them well enough tehn I wouldn't ho;d back in telling them they are beimng twerps and beyond that if your proposal doesn't fit their wishes then you'd politely decline.
As the majoity have said it sounds like avoiding it is probably your best option. |  |
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| Thoughts on 15:02 - Oct 15 with 607 views | IH_KGF |
| Thoughts on 14:55 - Oct 15 by Pinewoodblue |
You don’t say how old the children are, I assume old enough to understand the situation and have an opinion.
Have been to a vegan wedding, albeit one where alcohol flowed freely. They did however stipulate no young children, a way of avoiding the situation you have been placed in.
I suspect you, as a family, are not going to enjoy the experience and it might be best to decline the invitation as the conditions placed are uncompromising.
They maybe offended, it might end your friendship but if it does, bearing in mind the steps you made to accommodate them, then they were never true friends in the first place. Family first should be your approach. |
12 and 10. They get it, right little piss takers if I'm honest, they really really don't care.
Its annoyed me far more, and I'll have plenty of grub!
I'm actually looking forward to seeing the kids laughing about the situation as we are sat around the table. wicked sense of humour! | | | |
| Thoughts on 15:02 - Oct 15 with 604 views | Ryorry |
| Thoughts on 15:00 - Oct 15 by BlueBoots |
"How are people going to handle caring for small babies, who won't wait for feeding or changing?"
Clearly there must be a ban on breast-feeding too, as that's definitely not a vegan option! |
😂 | |
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| Thoughts on 15:05 - Oct 15 with 596 views | giant_stow |
Sneak in some snacks to give the kids when the Stasi aren't looking (if the nippers get hungry). Your only mistake was to suggest this, but no matter - do it anyway - they'll never know.
One of my best mates invited me to his wedding, but only invited my mrs to the after-party. That was tricky to navigate! Mrs obviously didn;t come along - i was very close to joining her, but decided it was their day and best to suck it up. Ancient history now and I don't think they ever realised the offence it caused. [Post edited 15 Oct 15:06]
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| Thoughts on 15:06 - Oct 15 with 594 views | jontysnut |
Some Bob Mortimer style ' pocket meat'. |  | | |
| Thoughts on 15:15 - Oct 15 with 562 views | Basuco |
Children will eat a lot of different foods out that they will not at home, particularly if everyone else is eating, enjoy your food and once kids see there is nothing else they often just tuck in. If they do, don't assume they will eat it at home.
As any parent knows kids seem to eat most meals at nursery or school but are very picky at home, mainly because they know there is always more interesting food available. |  | | |
| Thoughts on 15:22 - Oct 15 with 535 views | mutters |
| Thoughts on 14:49 - Oct 15 by Ryorry |
"Whilst i feel your pain as a keen meat eater, it's only fair in this scenario to respect their wishes."
I made a point on the prev. page that perhaps not everyone *can* respect their wishes because of allergies or other health issue like Crohns & UC. If this couple aren't going to make exceptions for kids, are they going to for those with medical problems?
It's nothing to do with hotel restrictions on wedding plans if they won'r even allow kids to leave the room for alternative food, just intolerance & pushing a point to antisocial extremes. |
I agree not being able to leave the room is a bit over the top, which is what I suggested they nip out and grab some food for the kids. Let's them eat some food at the bar and if they get caught then just say the kids were starving and needed food else they would have caused chaos in the main room.
Are their any health conditions that eating a vegan diet would trigger? I don't know much about Crohn's or UC. Appreciate that there are certain allergies, which I'd imagine were highlighted during the wedding invite process | |
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| Thoughts on 15:33 - Oct 15 with 507 views | farkenhell |
| Thoughts on 13:52 - Oct 15 by DanTheMan |
Eh, I can see where they are coming from. When I had my wedding a few years back, we could only have X number of choices in terms of what we could offer so the kitchen could handle it, there was no going off menu. The only exception we made was for one person who is an incredibly fussy eater and we asked the place if they wouldn't mind basically just sizing up a kids meal which they were fine with.
With that said, I don't understand why they could just not eat and you feed them later as you suggested. |
The bit in your last paragraph tipped it over the edge for me. | | | |
| Thoughts on 15:36 - Oct 15 with 499 views | Ryorry |
| Thoughts on 15:22 - Oct 15 by mutters |
I agree not being able to leave the room is a bit over the top, which is what I suggested they nip out and grab some food for the kids. Let's them eat some food at the bar and if they get caught then just say the kids were starving and needed food else they would have caused chaos in the main room.
Are their any health conditions that eating a vegan diet would trigger? I don't know much about Crohn's or UC. Appreciate that there are certain allergies, which I'd imagine were highlighted during the wedding invite process |
Vegan food tends to be high in fibre, which many with Crohns/UC just can't handle, esp in flare up, without it triggering very serious symptoms.
Personally, any fruit, coconut + veg like tomatoes, peppers, beetroot, raw salads, any member of the cabbage family can trigger a flare up which may then last up to 2 years, again with symptoms that can't be ignored. | |
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| Thoughts on 15:39 - Oct 15 with 501 views | Reuser_is_God |
| Thoughts on 14:26 - Oct 15 by GlasgowBlue |
On a side note my kids ( I say kids, they are 18, 23, 23 & 25) are threatening to boycott Christmas dinner because we are serving a vegan Beef Wellington. |
Well it’s not a vegan beef wellington is it? It’s just a vegan wellington. |  |
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