| Thoughts 13:43 - Oct 15 with 9820 views | IH_KGF |
A lovely couple we know are getting married, and we (as a family) have been invited to their special day.
Both are extremely passionate vegans, their life, fair play.
The menu is only vegan options. I'll eat anything. The children however, of the 2 options to pick from aren't going to be touched.
We've asked them if it would be ok if they picked something off the non vegan menu (at the hotel) told straight up no.
Now, i get their position, however on our own wedding day some years back WE ensured that their dietary needs were full catered for, paying extra for them to have something not on the menu. (the only people out of 80/90 that were vegans)
To ensure the peace is kept we've said to not bother with ordering food for the kids, and before/after the food we'll take the kids away from the main event to get them something to fill their tummy's... told that isn't an option.
As I see it;
- our kids not wanting that food is OUR problem
- we've offered a suggestion to them save money
- we've taken the worry away from them
- but they are basically saying they must order food from the vegan menu, not eat it, and can't leave the room after to get food that they would like.
Starting to think i might not bother going at this rate... but the great minds of TWTD might be able to tell me otherwise.
Oh, and its strictly alcohol free, not free as in drink all you want, free as in not a drop! |  | | |  |
| Thoughts on 16:31 - Oct 16 with 1136 views | DanTheMan |
| Thoughts on 16:13 - Oct 16 by Ryorry |
Sorry if I didn’t make it clear, but I was still referring to the OP saying that the couple getting married had refused to allow his 10-year old child to even leave the room to eat an alternative because he wouldn’t contemplate the vegan fare at the table.
What are families with fussy kids, esp younger ones, supposed to do?
Not sure why I’m getting the flak here, I support veganism where it’s possible; there’ve been posts that have gone unremarked despite being pretty hostile in tone to it. [Post edited 16 Oct 16:17]
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I apologise if I came across as giving you flak, that wasn't my intention. I was just responding to what you put and it seems I misunderstood.
I just see it as no different to my own wedding meal / cake where there was no gluten on the menu so there were no worries about cross contamination etc.
Obviously with the veganism it's a moral thing so a bit different but I really don't think they should have to change their menu to please everyone else.
As I put earlier though, it's definitely silly they are basically saying that the kids can't just have something else later in their room or whatever. |  |
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| Thoughts on 16:41 - Oct 16 with 1097 views | Ryorry |
| Thoughts on 16:31 - Oct 16 by DanTheMan |
I apologise if I came across as giving you flak, that wasn't my intention. I was just responding to what you put and it seems I misunderstood.
I just see it as no different to my own wedding meal / cake where there was no gluten on the menu so there were no worries about cross contamination etc.
Obviously with the veganism it's a moral thing so a bit different but I really don't think they should have to change their menu to please everyone else.
As I put earlier though, it's definitely silly they are basically saying that the kids can't just have something else later in their room or whatever. |
Sorry, the ‘flak’ reference was mainly re the accumulation before your post, not specifically aimed at you :) |  |
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| Thoughts on 16:41 - Oct 16 with 1094 views | J2BLUE |
Perhaps you could offer to bring their food? It's a bit inconvenient obviously but say something like you understand their choice and desire for it reflect their values, would they mind if you brought the kids' food with you and that you would make sure it's vegan to go with their wishes.
There's all sorts of very nice vegan food they would likely enjoy. Then to reward them you could drive through McDonalds on the way home. |  |
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| Thoughts on 16:54 - Oct 16 with 1073 views | eireblue |
| Thoughts on 16:27 - Oct 16 by J2BLUE |
Agree with that but do you agree with saying the kids cannot leave the room?
Are they guests or hostages? |
I was in a vegan restaurant once. The restaurant was I located to a hotel lobby, where they also had wine and cheese.
An adult couple brought some plates of cheese into the the vegan restaurant waiting area.
They were politely asked to leave, and they apologised and left to go back to the hotel lobby.
Seemed perfectly reasonably to me.
In this thread people have already suggested it is fine to bring in non-vegan food and the children should do that, and it seems it is even seen as an admirable quality to try and get around the rules.
As I said, the OP wanted advice, based on the comments in the thread, he has the option to decline, especially if he wants to avoid this hostage situation you are concerned about. |  | | |
| Thoughts on 17:05 - Oct 16 with 1035 views | DJR |
I knew a couple of people in the 80s, one of whom was a vegetarian, the other a vegan.
Both (and particularly the latter) were rare then, and the reaction to them in those days was not necessarily hostile. Instead, they were regarded as odd, hence the ironic name of one of the few places in central London where it was possible to purchase vegetarian food, namely, Cranks near Charing Cross.
Sadly, Cranks has long since gone given that there are many more places offering meat and dairy alternatives in recent years. [Post edited 16 Oct 17:08]
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| Thoughts on 17:06 - Oct 16 with 1028 views | J2BLUE |
| Thoughts on 16:54 - Oct 16 by eireblue |
I was in a vegan restaurant once. The restaurant was I located to a hotel lobby, where they also had wine and cheese.
An adult couple brought some plates of cheese into the the vegan restaurant waiting area.
They were politely asked to leave, and they apologised and left to go back to the hotel lobby.
Seemed perfectly reasonably to me.
In this thread people have already suggested it is fine to bring in non-vegan food and the children should do that, and it seems it is even seen as an admirable quality to try and get around the rules.
As I said, the OP wanted advice, based on the comments in the thread, he has the option to decline, especially if he wants to avoid this hostage situation you are concerned about. |
That hasn't answered the question at all. I agree with all of that as well.
My point is they should be allowed to leave the room and go and do their own thing. It seems to me like the couple do not want that to happen as they would feel embarrassed their choices had meant they had to leave to get something to eat.
The OP even offered to take them to get something to eat away from other guests before or after so what right do they have to say they can't do that?
Other that that, we agree entirely. | |
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| Thoughts on 17:10 - Oct 16 with 1007 views | Ryorry |
| Thoughts on 17:05 - Oct 16 by DJR |
I knew a couple of people in the 80s, one of whom was a vegetarian, the other a vegan.
Both (and particularly the latter) were rare then, and the reaction to them in those days was not necessarily hostile. Instead, they were regarded as odd, hence the ironic name of one of the few places in central London where it was possible to purchase vegetarian food, namely, Cranks near Charing Cross.
Sadly, Cranks has long since gone given that there are many more places offering meat and dairy alternatives in recent years. [Post edited 16 Oct 17:08]
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Cranks was brilliant, their bread and other goodies were out of this world ^chef’s kiss^.
Frequented both restaurant and shop regularly when I worked in London in the sixties. As a result, my family thought I was a crank too!*
*Edit - probably was and still am  though as you say it’s a helluva lot more acceptable now to want to eat decent food instead of cr@p; and to care about the environment, than it was back then. [Post edited 16 Oct 17:18]
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| Thoughts on 17:18 - Oct 16 with 965 views | eireblue |
| Thoughts on 17:06 - Oct 16 by J2BLUE |
That hasn't answered the question at all. I agree with all of that as well.
My point is they should be allowed to leave the room and go and do their own thing. It seems to me like the couple do not want that to happen as they would feel embarrassed their choices had meant they had to leave to get something to eat.
The OP even offered to take them to get something to eat away from other guests before or after so what right do they have to say they can't do that?
Other that that, we agree entirely. |
Read back what the OP said.
“ can't leave the room after to get food that they would like.”
Get may mean retrieve…
And later
“if I am not let back in….”
There is no evidence that the children would be held hostage.
The rules set out in the OP, describe a situation that you agree with, e.g. if get means bring back, then yes that seems a reasonably thing to deny.
It is the OP assuming that someone wouldn’t be let back in after eating somewhere, not as evidenced by the original rules.
So the hostage situation isn’t a rule imposed by the couple as laid out, but an assumption by the OP. | | | |
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| Thoughts on 17:23 - Oct 16 with 939 views | J2BLUE |
| Thoughts on 17:18 - Oct 16 by eireblue |
Read back what the OP said.
“ can't leave the room after to get food that they would like.”
Get may mean retrieve…
And later
“if I am not let back in….”
There is no evidence that the children would be held hostage.
The rules set out in the OP, describe a situation that you agree with, e.g. if get means bring back, then yes that seems a reasonably thing to deny.
It is the OP assuming that someone wouldn’t be let back in after eating somewhere, not as evidenced by the original rules.
So the hostage situation isn’t a rule imposed by the couple as laid out, but an assumption by the OP. |
Bloody hell. Think it was fairly clear but don't really care enough to keep going over it. | |
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| Thoughts on 17:26 - Oct 16 with 926 views | giant_stow |
Op, i dont think this issue gas been discussed enough yet. What other rules does the henious couple have? I bet they've banned smokers too right? And people who have fartu bum bums. Are they gunning for anyone else? |  |
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| Thoughts on 17:27 - Oct 16 with 923 views | eireblue |
| Thoughts on 17:23 - Oct 16 by J2BLUE |
Bloody hell. Think it was fairly clear but don't really care enough to keep going over it. |
Yep, I thought it was fairly clear as well, hence, I don’t think there is a child hostage situation. | | | |
| Thoughts on 17:30 - Oct 16 with 916 views | J2BLUE |
| Thoughts on 17:27 - Oct 16 by eireblue |
Yep, I thought it was fairly clear as well, hence, I don’t think there is a child hostage situation. |
'To ensure the peace is kept we've said to not bother with ordering food for the kids, and before/after the food we'll take the kids away from the main event to get them something to fill their tummy's.'
On that note I am now leaving off working from home. Time for spaghetti Bolognese. Quorn mince. Sadly not quite vegan with the egg white but i'm trying. | |
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| Thoughts on 17:34 - Oct 16 with 895 views | Ryorry |
| Thoughts on 17:26 - Oct 16 by giant_stow |
Op, i dont think this issue gas been discussed enough yet. What other rules does the henious couple have? I bet they've banned smokers too right? And people who have fartu bum bums. Are they gunning for anyone else? |
😂
Inaugural10-pager? Brisk start for a newbie - vegan and booze-free wedding an intelligent choice for anyone wanting to go down that route! ;) | |
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| Thoughts on 17:39 - Oct 16 with 877 views | Cafe_Newman |
| Thoughts on 16:13 - Oct 16 by eireblue |
That isn’t how ethical veganism works for some.
As with Muslims, it against their religion to even buy pork for someone else.
Why would you want someone to have to compromise Article 9 of the human rights act.
“.. right to freedom of thought, belief, and religion, allowing individuals to hold and change their beliefs and to manifest them in practice….”
You wouldn’t insist a devout Muslim buy you pork or alcohol.
It’s a non-vegan world, a vegan couple want to spend money on a vegan event for a short period of time on a special day.
As is their human right as it happens.
As would be the case if they were Jewish/Muslim/Buddhist…etc..
If I was invited to a Muslim wedding, I wouldn’t be assuming anyone is trying to convert me to a Muslim, and I wouldn’t insist on bringing alcohol, consuming alcohol, and I definitely wouldn’t be insisting on a Muslim buying me alcohol.
Being polite and respectful at a wedding with restricted food or beverages for a few hours, isn’t the worst thing that will happen to me, I reckon I probably cope pretty well.
The OP can simply decline the invitation. |
"The OP can simply decline the invitation."
Or get a babysitter for his kids. |  | | |
| Thoughts on 20:55 - Oct 16 with 735 views | Nthsuffolkblue |
I haven't trawled through all the responses so sorry if already made but I would suggest:
Take some food the kids will eat with you for them to eat at convenient times. If you are sensitive and they will eat it, non-meat would be best ideally even vegan-friendly. Definitely try to make sure it is not obvious to them that they are doing so too.
Alternatively, they really can't stop you from leaving at some convenient point to take the kids somewhere to eat something. If they have sat through a meal watching others eat, that's already pretty good of them. I would actually encourage them to try some of what they are served too. They might surprise themselves and you too!
It does from the first page sound like you have been rather antagonistic about their vegan choices too (even if it is in the face of plenty of provocation).
Ultimately your other choice is to not go or not take the children. I hope you find the best solution for you all. |  |
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| Thoughts on 21:12 - Oct 16 with 709 views | Warkystache |
Just going back to Ryorry's earlier post about Crohn's Disease - I have that and a similar thing happened to me at a friend's wedding. They were vegetarian, and the menu for the wedding breakfast contained stuff I'd probably struggle to digest even if it were practically pureed. They had pickled beetroot tartare and bulky root veg soup and loads of onions and mushrooms and beans, all of which would have left me creased up for days.
I spoke to the catering company and they suggested a beetroot consommé starter and a cheese and potato dauphinoise with swede as the main, This helped hugely and didn't detract from the vegetarianism at all.
You can get round stuff like this. |  |
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| Thoughts on 21:25 - Oct 16 with 669 views | Bigalhunter |
| Thoughts on 17:34 - Oct 16 by Ryorry |
😂
Inaugural10-pager? Brisk start for a newbie - vegan and booze-free wedding an intelligent choice for anyone wanting to go down that route! ;) |
Hmmm…
Not sure we’re quite welcoming a fledgling ‘newbie’ and, as was suggested a few pages back, not overly convinced by any of it either…
However, it’s stimulated a reasonably entertaining debate and it’s been the only real show in town on here during the tedious international recess.
[Post edited 16 Oct 21:36]
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| Thoughts on 10:15 - Oct 17 with 496 views | wilsondavid |
That's really sad to hear... |  | | |
| Thoughts on 10:44 - Oct 17 with 466 views | Ryorry |
| Thoughts on 21:25 - Oct 16 by Bigalhunter |
Hmmm…
Not sure we’re quite welcoming a fledgling ‘newbie’ and, as was suggested a few pages back, not overly convinced by any of it either…
However, it’s stimulated a reasonably entertaining debate and it’s been the only real show in town on here during the tedious international recess.
[Post edited 16 Oct 21:36]
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I did have an inner debate as to whether to put newbie in inverted commas!
Whilst yourself & Clapham could be right, in which case it might be the biggest mass whoosh in TWTD history, I wouldn't begrudge the OP - it was as you say pretty entertaining - but also very clever. Very credible, apart from a outlier with which to hook in controversy (ie not letting kids leave the room for alternative food).
Reminded me of a similar post/scenario years ago (about 8??) in which a teacher wouldn't allow a kid to leave the classroom for a pee ... | |
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| Thoughts on 14:58 - Oct 17 with 361 views | Churchman |
It’s their wedding and they’ve a right to conduct it any way they please. Just as you have the right to swerve it, which from how you’ve described it I would. |  | | |
| Thoughts on 15:09 - Oct 17 with 338 views | Blueschev |
| Thoughts on 10:44 - Oct 17 by Ryorry |
I did have an inner debate as to whether to put newbie in inverted commas!
Whilst yourself & Clapham could be right, in which case it might be the biggest mass whoosh in TWTD history, I wouldn't begrudge the OP - it was as you say pretty entertaining - but also very clever. Very credible, apart from a outlier with which to hook in controversy (ie not letting kids leave the room for alternative food).
Reminded me of a similar post/scenario years ago (about 8??) in which a teacher wouldn't allow a kid to leave the classroom for a pee ... |
It's up there with the debate on whether or not it's acceptable to eat a pie during a minutes silence. |  | | |
| Thoughts on 15:12 - Oct 17 with 335 views | IH_KGF |
| Thoughts on 21:25 - Oct 16 by Bigalhunter |
Hmmm…
Not sure we’re quite welcoming a fledgling ‘newbie’ and, as was suggested a few pages back, not overly convinced by any of it either…
However, it’s stimulated a reasonably entertaining debate and it’s been the only real show in town on here during the tedious international recess.
[Post edited 16 Oct 21:36]
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I'm really sorry, but I don't really understand the first paragraph.
I might be miles off it here, but is there a suggestion I've made up this scenario?
What a waste of my time that would be. Of course if that isn't the suggestion, and I've got the wrong end of the stick, then I apologise in advance.
and also, fingers crossed for a big 3 points tonight | | | |
| Thoughts on 15:24 - Oct 17 with 316 views | DanTheMan |
| Thoughts on 17:39 - Oct 16 by Cafe_Newman |
"The OP can simply decline the invitation."
Or get a babysitter for his kids. |
My wife's cousin declined to come to our wedding because they couldn't find a babysitter over a year in advance.
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| Thoughts on 16:15 - Oct 17 with 247 views | MJallday |
would this be an appropriate thread to advertise the twtd BBQ? |  |
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