| You'll never walk alone 12:14 - Oct 12 with 2279 views | Pendejo |
This is a hard post for me, but hopefully cathartic, and with TWTD usually helpful.
My father is now 80, he played football [and cricket] regularly into his 40s, and hey he's dad so I look up to him.
However
He has Alzheimer's and vascular dementia.
I live in London, he lives in Ipswich, but this should not be a problem as also in Ipswich are my sister, her two sons, my step brother, my oldest son and my oldest daughter lives in BSE.
When it first became clear he could not look after himself he moved in with my sister, and his house was supposed to be sold and he was going to make lifetime bequests of his will... this never happened. My father made her and her husband his power of attorney for health and financial matters.
My sister left her husband [who tbh I didn't like or trust], got back together with a childhood sweetheart and moved her, my father and boyfriend into his house.
This is the first bump on life's road. When it became clear my father could no longer look after himself I offered to move my family from London to Ipswich, with my wife offering to be a full time carer. My sister opposed this idea and pointed out the legal problems with the house once my father has passed away. Then a few years later does it herself.
But I am an easy going person, my father lives there and she is his carer, though she works a 6 day week, she is there to make sure he takes his meds and attends medical appointments etc.
Although 20 or so years ago I sold him some financial products when I was a financial advisor so undertook a full evaluation of his income and out goings, I separated that in my mind and have not thought too much about it since.
Also I have not withdrawn from the bank of dad this millennium, so its more than 20 years since I went to bank of dad with my hand out for money... and this includes a period where I was unemployed and homeless. These being ongoing situations would just become a continuous drain and would be counter productive relationship wise, so no call to bank of dad. Neither did I ever think of my siblings, or anyone else, withdrawing from bank of dad.
Fast forward to 2020.
Earlier in 2020 my step-brother had called me to complain about my sister "rinsing" dad... he bought furniture for the house he was now living in again, I couldn't see the problem but he felt his inheritance was being spent.
Late September
My sister called me about one of my father's investments, it was clear that it was something that I'd need to see the paper work in order to explain. So I travelled to Ipswich to make a social visit and talk thru the investment, on this visit it became clear I'd need to take a more active interest in his finances as I am now a power of attorney [replacing the now ex-brother in law]. Oh and someone tried to spend £300 on his debit card on a gambling website, the bank caught this, froze his card and replaced it.
A few days later I returned to Ipswich to tidy up his finances, and filing, as he'd become a paper hoarder.
The investment my sister contacted me regarding was a unit trust type thing, so stock market based and has, unsurprisingly tanked in the last 12 months. I dug up the paperwork, found the original investment amount and units bought, pointed out that he was in profit on original investment by 10%, had the same number of units as the day he purchased them etc. and pointed out that he either cash in now, or let it "ride" a bit longer hoping the fund managers have invested in covid cures, PPE etc. and fund vale goes up. I also said that if he did let it ride he needed to set a figure at which to cash out. Make a plan and stick to it!!
I hadn't wanted to look at his other paperwork other than to organise it in a file, and consolidate a directory of what he has, what he is paying for, account numbers and telephone numbers.
Whilst doing so I found he had an insurance for his drains, yet had spent £100s on a certain well known drain cleaning company.
Whilst doing all this I was ripping up old paperwork i.e. bank statements, trying not to look at them to preserve his privacy... and that's when I noticed something that made me feel unwell and incredibly angry.
Over the period August 2017 to August 2020 a sum of around £30,000 had gone from his bank account. Not in one go, but mainly a slow drain peppered with the odd hit of over £1,000 [biggest was £10k]. I have forensically [I used to be a fraud and money laundering investigator] gone over his statements that I hadn't ripped up, made notes of the excessive sums with a view to discussing with my sister. But there was something else I didn't catch at that time, something that came to me when I woke up days later....
My father's pensions [his own, widowers pension and state pension] come to just under the threshold that a PAYE employee would be a higher rate taxpayer. It's fair to say he has very good pension provision, thanks to working 40 years in a company that had a defined benefits pension, as did his 2nd wife.
I save approximately £200 per month, I have one child still at school [last year of 6th form], a wife, cat and a car to support. We pay rent monthly etc.
My father's house is mortgage free, so by my reckoning, he should have this amount left over per month mounting up in his account. He does not run a car, so the amount I pay in tax, insurance and fuel per month... well he should be banking that also. So in Pendejo's lazy maths he should be saving £8-10k a year as his expenses are minimal... even if he does have to buy a TV licence now. Extrapolate that over the 3 years that I saw statements for and add it to the capital sum difference... £50-60k?
Every few days or so he was withdrawing £200 - £300 at a time, so when he was going out for a drink he was the only one buying, there are also rumours that he'd lend people money... but given his condition, forgetting and never getting paid back.
Now I know from many investigations, sometimes a cycle starts unintentionally, with a mistake that doesn't get noticed, then a couple of deliberate mistakes that don't get picked up then the "tap" is gradually opened wider and wider as the person gets bolder and bolder.
I had this at work with Chauffeurs over claiming parking expenses and sacked people over what are really quite trivial amounts.
Are you familiar with the fairy tale "The Magic Porridge Pot"?
I think that someone or even some people have been doing this to my father thinking his bank account is the equivalent of the above mentioned pot.
Lockdown and emphasis on using electronic payments have clearly slowed this down in terms of un-auditable outgoings.
Last time I was in Ipswich I rang his bank to order 3 years work of statements as I had destroyed most of them and now needed to go thru the lot. I travelled to Ipswich again last Saturday to go to see the statements, apparently they have not arrived... hmm suspicious. September's had by now arrived and I went through that, looking at large debits and cash withdrawals.
Large withdrawals...
My sister has decided to remodel my dad's garden "as it will improve the resale vale of the house"... £4k. I pointed out that this will not benefit dad and I really don't care about an increased value as the most valuable thing in the house is my [our!!] dad. So there was a withdrawal for that.
Of the sums that have been paid out over the years - he's bought one of my nephews 2 cars and paid his insurance, he's bought my step-brother a car, which was supposed to be partially for taking dad out. etc.
All of which fair enough - he is a generous man if he wants to take care of his family, no problem.
Back to September's statement - over £700 paid out to Amazon over a number of debits and one to EE for almost £200. Let's call it £900. Dad does not have a computer, lap top, tablet or smartphone... I'm sure via family members he has probably bought stuff from Amazon... which keeps card details, and for those "close" to him CV code not exactly difficult to obtain.
I was all for reporting this to the bank by phone on Saturday afternoon, my sister said not to worry right now as she will take him to the bank today. I have called her this morning to remind her AND instruct her to report this to the police. [Along with the attempt to take £300 that the bank stopped]
But consider this... my sister's business got hit hard by lock down [catering / events], her boyfriend got violently assaulted, ended up in Addenbrooks, and has not worked for 10 months. One of my nephews has been in and out of work this year.
I have to conclude that those that are closest to him, geographically, are those who are leeching from him.
This is the man that without whom they would not be born, a man who was stable [one employer for 40 years], 2nd marriage lasted 30 years to death did they park, rarely swore, never hit us, and even when he got a NIP a few years ago probably accepted on behalf of someone else [speeding A12? Near Chantry Park].
Ok he had faults - being selfish I could say he needed to drive me on more as a teenager, needed to be pushier both in terms of education and sports... bit that's as far as I could go to find negatives.
What the f**k do I do? [semi rhetorical, if you've got this far, well done and feel free to contribute]
The more I think about it, the angrier I get.
I will be travelling to Ipswich again this weekend to face my sister when I will enquire as to what has been done i.e. reporting to the bank and police. To see if I can see anything body language wise that will concern me.
She's blaming her ex-husband [unexplained £5k cheque paid to him August 2017] and one of her sons, whom I have mentioned above [£6k for a BMW June 2020] and who is suspected of stealing our grand father's medals and selling them to buy drugs [not to forget my mum's suspicions he stole from her].
But now I'm thinking it's her.
Finally, years ago I told my father that if he wanted to sell his house, go to Vegas with his profits and gamble it all on one spin of the roulette wheel that was ok with me. If he wanted to get a Thai bride and go shack up over there, here, where ever that's fine. This weekend to him and my sister I have stated that if he is gifting any family member or friend that's also fine, but because his memory is no good he needs to make notes, and they need to sign the note. I really don't care if he WILLINGLY gives every penny away.
What I won't stand for is people he should be able to trust, at this vulnerable stage of his life, taking the pish.
I feel a little bit better getting that out.
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:27 - Oct 12 with 1612 views | itfcjoe |
Sorry to read that pendejo, money does terrible things to families even when it should be relatively simple.
Realistically all you can really look to be doing is locking it down from now, and paying a closer interest - what is gone has gone and without big family fall outs there is very little that can be done without effectively accusing your sister of rinsing him, if she has she has no doubt justified it in her own head and 'deserves it'.
Best of luck with it all |  |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:28 - Oct 12 with 1600 views | Guthrum |
Feel for you, mate. Very difficult situation, especially when dealing with siblings.
Something like that happened to a friend of mine (under similar circumstances). It was eventually sort of resolved, but broke, probably permanently, his relationship with close family members. |  |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:30 - Oct 12 with 1588 views | Keno |
Money and families are not always a good mix.
Perhaps you need to suggest that 'to help her' you will look after the financial side of things and get the bank to send statements etc to you
and change his bank cards.
You may need to have a 'difficult' conversation with her along the 'whatever has happened has happened but it stops now lines'
I dont envy you this at all |  |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:33 - Oct 12 with 1581 views | BlueBadger |
It's a tricky one is that. What you need, right now, if you don't already have it, is to have a discussion with your dad and the rest of the family over power of attorney regarding his financial affairs. I'd suggest having joint signitaries on things so it doesn't look like you're just trying to wrest control.
If you like, I can ping an email to a colleague of mine who is specialised in this for some advice? [Post edited 12 Oct 2020 12:33]
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:33 - Oct 12 with 1565 views | Pendejo |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:28 - Oct 12 by Guthrum |
Feel for you, mate. Very difficult situation, especially when dealing with siblings.
Something like that happened to a friend of mine (under similar circumstances). It was eventually sort of resolved, but broke, probably permanently, his relationship with close family members. |
To be honest, I guess there's a reason I don't live in Ipswich, but when I moved away father and step-mother [who had similar status job] were still working and had all their faculties.
Also I guess there's an element of self inflicted guilt that as the oldest I should have taken more interest, especially when A & D started setting in. | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:36 - Oct 12 with 1552 views | Pendejo |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:33 - Oct 12 by BlueBadger |
It's a tricky one is that. What you need, right now, if you don't already have it, is to have a discussion with your dad and the rest of the family over power of attorney regarding his financial affairs. I'd suggest having joint signitaries on things so it doesn't look like you're just trying to wrest control.
If you like, I can ping an email to a colleague of mine who is specialised in this for some advice? [Post edited 12 Oct 2020 12:33]
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When I go up this next weekend I am going to insist on a family conference, be it in person or by zoom and will also hand deliver a letter to each "stakeholder" outlining what I've typed here.
My sister and I both hold PoA but it isn't joint. You raise an exceptionally good point.
Though again the method and means of rinsing still available to all... | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:37 - Oct 12 with 1543 views | Pendejo |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:27 - Oct 12 by itfcjoe |
Sorry to read that pendejo, money does terrible things to families even when it should be relatively simple.
Realistically all you can really look to be doing is locking it down from now, and paying a closer interest - what is gone has gone and without big family fall outs there is very little that can be done without effectively accusing your sister of rinsing him, if she has she has no doubt justified it in her own head and 'deserves it'.
Best of luck with it all |
Thanks | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:39 - Oct 12 with 1532 views | ElephantintheRoom |
OK - one question is did you both take out official financial responsibility for your dad - and as a seperate issue, his medical needs? If your sister has that she is perhaps acting in what she considers her best judgment. If she hasnt consulted you then maybe not.
I'm sure you're aware of the penalites of having savings and a house when care beckons.
.... and having cared for a dementia-suffering parent and in-law I can appreciate the dificulties - and how it affects distant family members who see a lifetimes savings and a house disappearing at a rate of knots.
Not for me to judge - but you might like to consider the cost of care that your sister is providing and cut her some slack - if appropriate?
Not an easy time - and alas with this country's approach to dementia and care your worries have perhaps only just started... wait til you start negotiating the cost of care in the home - or in a care home IF you can find one. |  |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:40 - Oct 12 with 1521 views | Guthrum |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:33 - Oct 12 by Pendejo |
To be honest, I guess there's a reason I don't live in Ipswich, but when I moved away father and step-mother [who had similar status job] were still working and had all their faculties.
Also I guess there's an element of self inflicted guilt that as the oldest I should have taken more interest, especially when A & D started setting in. |
Living far away from parents is difficult when they need help. But life moves like that, we put down roots elsewhere.
Even living in the same town may not have caught this before you actually did, given the suspicious payments were only turned up by accident. | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:41 - Oct 12 with 1520 views | Pendejo |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:30 - Oct 12 by Keno |
Money and families are not always a good mix.
Perhaps you need to suggest that 'to help her' you will look after the financial side of things and get the bank to send statements etc to you
and change his bank cards.
You may need to have a 'difficult' conversation with her along the 'whatever has happened has happened but it stops now lines'
I dont envy you this at all |
Thanks,
I have had that conversation with her this last weekend.
- >"I live 80 miles away, you live here."
I haven't pointed the finger at her, nor will I with the letter I intend to write to them all which will include an "it ends here" AND an amnesty for honesty - i.e. put hand up for what you've had as it can all be factored in when it becomes inheritance time. | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:42 - Oct 12 with 1501 views | BlueBadger |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:36 - Oct 12 by Pendejo |
When I go up this next weekend I am going to insist on a family conference, be it in person or by zoom and will also hand deliver a letter to each "stakeholder" outlining what I've typed here.
My sister and I both hold PoA but it isn't joint. You raise an exceptionally good point.
Though again the method and means of rinsing still available to all... |
Some useful stuff here:
https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/preparing-for-illness-old-age-
Probably worth a chat with Citizen's advice or Age UK for advice as well. | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:44 - Oct 12 with 1496 views | Pendejo |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:40 - Oct 12 by Guthrum |
Living far away from parents is difficult when they need help. But life moves like that, we put down roots elsewhere.
Even living in the same town may not have caught this before you actually did, given the suspicious payments were only turned up by accident. |
I am more or less referring to the fact that I probably saw sister and step-brother sponging off them, but naively turned a blind eye and concentrated on my career / adventures.
Of all the folks in TWTD world Pimball Wizard undoubtedly knows me best, and he knows I hold a low opinion of my siblings.
I guess it's the sheer scale of it that shocked me. | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:49 - Oct 12 with 1470 views | NewcyBlue |
Sorry to hear you’re going through all this mate.
I hope you get a satisfactory explanation. You know where I am if you want to chat. |  |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:52 - Oct 12 with 1449 views | Pendejo |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:39 - Oct 12 by ElephantintheRoom |
OK - one question is did you both take out official financial responsibility for your dad - and as a seperate issue, his medical needs? If your sister has that she is perhaps acting in what she considers her best judgment. If she hasnt consulted you then maybe not.
I'm sure you're aware of the penalites of having savings and a house when care beckons.
.... and having cared for a dementia-suffering parent and in-law I can appreciate the dificulties - and how it affects distant family members who see a lifetimes savings and a house disappearing at a rate of knots.
Not for me to judge - but you might like to consider the cost of care that your sister is providing and cut her some slack - if appropriate?
Not an easy time - and alas with this country's approach to dementia and care your worries have perhaps only just started... wait til you start negotiating the cost of care in the home - or in a care home IF you can find one. |
Valid points, and ones I covered with her.
There are facts I have kept out of my post that specifically relate to that i.e. he pays her a monthly amount via DD that covers things including shopping. Whilst she is designated carer he care is limited compared to that which my wife was willing to give. She [up to covid lock down] worked as a volunteer at a care home near Tower Bridge, working with A&D sufferers, and even now does some Zoom stuff with them - art projects using household items and nail varnish etc. So would have encouraged him to engage and be active.
Given what's happened I would rather have a formal carer contract. The house and his biggest investments have been in Trust now for @ 10 years, but even if he were paying £1,000 per month for care at a care home, that is at least "honest*" and auditable.
*Personally this should be part of cradle to grave welfare state. | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:52 - Oct 12 with 1439 views | Pendejo |
Thanks | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:54 - Oct 12 with 1437 views | Pendejo |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:49 - Oct 12 by NewcyBlue |
Sorry to hear you’re going through all this mate.
I hope you get a satisfactory explanation. You know where I am if you want to chat. |
Cheers.
Greatest need from you right now... how to exercise without aggravating pulled calf muscle, drop that in WA. Even my mirror is now showing me a different person to that from early March, can't afford to stop now! | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:56 - Oct 12 with 1425 views | itfcjoe |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:44 - Oct 12 by Pendejo |
I am more or less referring to the fact that I probably saw sister and step-brother sponging off them, but naively turned a blind eye and concentrated on my career / adventures.
Of all the folks in TWTD world Pimball Wizard undoubtedly knows me best, and he knows I hold a low opinion of my siblings.
I guess it's the sheer scale of it that shocked me. |
Guy I know went had a lady that worked for him, as effectively a full time PA, who dealt with all his finances and everything in personal life and business - treated her basically as a daughter and would always help her out etc, etc.
He had some issues with his banking, where he was withdrawing £250 very often by cheque from business accounts - ended up taking cheque books down there showing he hadn't used them. Turned out she was writing cheques out to cash, forging signature and then using razor blade to remove cheque stub.
Turned out over the years thousands had gone missing, including when he had a previous business that had failed and nearly destroyed him.
When he looked back though the amounts were infrequent and random for years - £162.34 one month, then a couple close to £50 the following - but by the end it was £250 eveyr single time (this was the maximum amount of money that wouldn't cause suspicion or need extra scrutiny) and then done regular as clockwork.
Basically whole point of that, is that once people realise how easy it is, they just get lazy and take the p155 until they get caught. What goes from filling up your car with petrol as waiting for payday once, becomes keeping their card in the car and using it for all your fuel....then you grab some shopping, and then it's the same - and before you realise you are just so far gone that getting caught doesn't matter - you are f*cked either way as already beyond the pale. | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 12:56 - Oct 12 with 1421 views | giant_stow |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:44 - Oct 12 by Pendejo |
I am more or less referring to the fact that I probably saw sister and step-brother sponging off them, but naively turned a blind eye and concentrated on my career / adventures.
Of all the folks in TWTD world Pimball Wizard undoubtedly knows me best, and he knows I hold a low opinion of my siblings.
I guess it's the sheer scale of it that shocked me. |
Sounds like a bludy nightmare. My only advice is to be sure that you think its her before accusing her, but it sounds like you've got to the bototm of it and have no doubt, so lame advice! |  |
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| You'll never walk alone on 13:02 - Oct 12 with 1391 views | Pendejo |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:56 - Oct 12 by itfcjoe |
Guy I know went had a lady that worked for him, as effectively a full time PA, who dealt with all his finances and everything in personal life and business - treated her basically as a daughter and would always help her out etc, etc.
He had some issues with his banking, where he was withdrawing £250 very often by cheque from business accounts - ended up taking cheque books down there showing he hadn't used them. Turned out she was writing cheques out to cash, forging signature and then using razor blade to remove cheque stub.
Turned out over the years thousands had gone missing, including when he had a previous business that had failed and nearly destroyed him.
When he looked back though the amounts were infrequent and random for years - £162.34 one month, then a couple close to £50 the following - but by the end it was £250 eveyr single time (this was the maximum amount of money that wouldn't cause suspicion or need extra scrutiny) and then done regular as clockwork.
Basically whole point of that, is that once people realise how easy it is, they just get lazy and take the p155 until they get caught. What goes from filling up your car with petrol as waiting for payday once, becomes keeping their card in the car and using it for all your fuel....then you grab some shopping, and then it's the same - and before you realise you are just so far gone that getting caught doesn't matter - you are f*cked either way as already beyond the pale. |
Yep that's the sort of thing I have investigated and prosecuted in my employment, on many occasions.
I hate the dishonest, I hate thieves and I hate the lazy | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 13:02 - Oct 12 with 1391 views | Guthrum |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:44 - Oct 12 by Pendejo |
I am more or less referring to the fact that I probably saw sister and step-brother sponging off them, but naively turned a blind eye and concentrated on my career / adventures.
Of all the folks in TWTD world Pimball Wizard undoubtedly knows me best, and he knows I hold a low opinion of my siblings.
I guess it's the sheer scale of it that shocked me. |
Bear in mind that it's not you who has (potentially) done anything wrong. You don't necessarily expect things to be going on to that extent. | |
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| You'll never walk alone on 13:04 - Oct 12 with 1384 views | factual_blue |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:33 - Oct 12 by BlueBadger |
It's a tricky one is that. What you need, right now, if you don't already have it, is to have a discussion with your dad and the rest of the family over power of attorney regarding his financial affairs. I'd suggest having joint signitaries on things so it doesn't look like you're just trying to wrest control.
If you like, I can ping an email to a colleague of mine who is specialised in this for some advice? [Post edited 12 Oct 2020 12:33]
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I'd agree - this is the way forward.
Then, when the sadly inevitable happens, use the evidence you have to trash your sister.
And never speak to her again. |  |
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| You'll never walk alone on 13:08 - Oct 12 with 1371 views | itfc_bucks |
This will sound brutal, and, I suppose it is.
I think you already know what you need to do. | | | |
| You'll never walk alone on 13:08 - Oct 12 with 1370 views | UB9Blue |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:52 - Oct 12 by Pendejo |
Valid points, and ones I covered with her.
There are facts I have kept out of my post that specifically relate to that i.e. he pays her a monthly amount via DD that covers things including shopping. Whilst she is designated carer he care is limited compared to that which my wife was willing to give. She [up to covid lock down] worked as a volunteer at a care home near Tower Bridge, working with A&D sufferers, and even now does some Zoom stuff with them - art projects using household items and nail varnish etc. So would have encouraged him to engage and be active.
Given what's happened I would rather have a formal carer contract. The house and his biggest investments have been in Trust now for @ 10 years, but even if he were paying £1,000 per month for care at a care home, that is at least "honest*" and auditable.
*Personally this should be part of cradle to grave welfare state. |
Whilst not helping with your current situation, does your sister know that she should be entitled to claim a carers allowance?
Good luck in your discussions, this is a very tricky subject to deal with and as some have pointed out, family and money do not always mix well | | | |
| You'll never walk alone on 13:08 - Oct 12 with 1368 views | Ryorry |
So sorry to hear that Pendejo, horrible situation. At least with your background you have some nous about dealing with/investigating financial matters, so you're better equipped to look into it & try to put more secure measures in place.
Sad to say I had a real life friend (passed away a few years ago) who had situation with his family involving his daughter & her bf siphoning off his assets. Also an online buddy (who has since passed away too) had very complex, similar family/financial situation to yours. Nothing like money to drive a horrendous wedge & cause rifts within families.
All this must be very stressful for you and take up large chunks of your time. Remember to look after yourself, get proper time for eating well, sleeping & at least some escapist/relaxing activity. |  |
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| You'll never walk alone on 13:28 - Oct 12 with 1308 views | Swansea_Blue |
| You'll never walk alone on 12:33 - Oct 12 by BlueBadger |
It's a tricky one is that. What you need, right now, if you don't already have it, is to have a discussion with your dad and the rest of the family over power of attorney regarding his financial affairs. I'd suggest having joint signitaries on things so it doesn't look like you're just trying to wrest control.
If you like, I can ping an email to a colleague of mine who is specialised in this for some advice? [Post edited 12 Oct 2020 12:33]
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This is super important. It's important those closest to him are set up ready to take control when he no longer can. The alternative can be that social services will do it for him via one of their lawyers. It's a money making scheme for them and one you don't want to be caught in, as you'll all have no legal right to know what's going on with any of his finances. That ended up happening to my gran and it was grim - caused all sorts of problems, including them selling her house for peanuts via auction when nobody in the family, including her wanted it sold. |  |
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