| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas 14:49 - Dec 21 with 3049 views | SaleAway |
Just a little reminder on here, that Christmas is often a hard time for a lot of people. Memories of loved ones lost, or reminders of happier times, and a break from social routines, means that people can often be alone with their thoughts, which is sometimes a sad and dangerous place to be.
This was brought home to me today - I lost my aunt in April, suddenly, to a Stroke. She had no children of her own, so me and my brother had a really close relationship with her. Most Christmases, she would come and visit. As I was finishing off Christmas cards and gifts today, I was hit by a wave of grief, realising that there was no gift to send to her, that I wouldn't chat to her on Christmas day, and we wouldn't share the normal laughs over the similar gifts that her and my mum always managed to send to each other.
So this Christmas, take some time to think about anyone that you know who might be alone, and could do with a bit of support or social contact, or if you are struggling, please reach out to someone, either in real life, or even on here. I think we've all seen that this place can be incredibly supportive when it needs to be.
Look after yourselves, everyone, I hope your Christmas brings you peace and joy ( and 6 points by boxing day night).
its ok, to not be ok -but reach out to someone, help is available if you need it.
Cheers. |  |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 15:06 - Dec 21 with 2667 views | brazil1982 |
Thanks for this.
I have a friend who is struggling massively with his MH. We hope to see him on 27th. I receive regular messages from him about him wishing he was dead. Unfortunately anything and everything I have suggested, he won't listen to. I fear for his future, but I do keep in contact and I do keep trying to help. |  | | |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 15:16 - Dec 21 with 2630 views | SaleAway |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 15:06 - Dec 21 by brazil1982 |
Thanks for this.
I have a friend who is struggling massively with his MH. We hope to see him on 27th. I receive regular messages from him about him wishing he was dead. Unfortunately anything and everything I have suggested, he won't listen to. I fear for his future, but I do keep in contact and I do keep trying to help. |
Its incredibly hard to support someone with MH difficulties, so well done for doing so. Its a good reminder that trying to help by problem solving is great, but sometimes, also, just being there, as someone to vent to, or just a reminder that someone is thinking about you, is as valuable as suggestions for how to improve situations. When people are struggling, they don't always think clearly, or logically, and so ways to help can often be ignored, but sometimes, just a kind word, or a laugh over something silly, can flip a mindset, so keep on being patient, I'm sure its more valued to that person than they will ever be able to tell you. | |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 15:54 - Dec 21 with 2550 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
Great post. Well done. |  |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 16:39 - Dec 21 with 2514 views | MK1 |
Bloke at work, who really helped me when I first joined, lost his Mum in the summer. (have to admit I had forgotten)
I asked him the other day what he was doing for Christmas.
He said he would be spending the big day on his own as he doesn't have any family.
I knew he was divorced (twice), but hadn't realised he was childless. He was unable to have children and numerous attempts of IVF with no success, ultimately causing both marriages to end.
To keep a long story long, he is coming to ours on Christmas day. |  |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 18:37 - Dec 21 with 2417 views | Ryorry |
Spot on.
Speaking as an "oldie" whose family are long since gone, and whose similar-age friends are inevitably one by one departing this world, it's the time of year I dread most, particularly since Covid, which means I can no longer socialise as I used to due to health conditions.
Treasure your families - even if you fight like cats n dogs! - while they're with you guys & gals, cos you'll sure miss 'em when they're gone. And remember that taking time out to phone someone can mean a lot to that person š |  |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 19:14 - Dec 21 with 2358 views | GeoffSentence |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 19:01 - Dec 21 by factual_blue |
o&???
tyst???? |
Keno may be pyst |  |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 19:32 - Dec 21 with 2342 views | Swailsey |
Sending positive thoughts to you. |  |
| Who said: "Colin Healy made Cesc Fabregas look like Colin Healy"? | We miss you TLA |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 19:55 - Dec 21 with 2288 views | Keno |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 19:14 - Dec 21 by GeoffSentence |
Keno may be pyst |
Actually no, just fecked it up [Post edited 21 Dec 2023 20:37]
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 20:05 - Dec 21 with 2262 views | _clive_baker_ |
Top post |  | | |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 21:00 - Dec 21 with 2191 views | weepingx2018 |
brilliant message. i hear that x | | | |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 21:27 - Dec 21 with 2131 views | factual_blue |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 19:55 - Dec 21 by Keno |
Actually no, just fecked it up [Post edited 21 Dec 2023 20:37]
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Covfefe? |  |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 21:34 - Dec 21 with 2105 views | ArnoldMoorhen |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 15:06 - Dec 21 by brazil1982 |
Thanks for this.
I have a friend who is struggling massively with his MH. We hope to see him on 27th. I receive regular messages from him about him wishing he was dead. Unfortunately anything and everything I have suggested, he won't listen to. I fear for his future, but I do keep in contact and I do keep trying to help. |
You are doing the best thing by just being there.
You are not to blame if the worst does happen, though of course I pray that it doesn't.
Even the most skilled Mental Health practitioners with amazing interpersonal skills lose people sometimes.
Do all you can, mainly by just being there, but also by knowing your limitations. And please don't blame yourself for the times when you don't have the capacity to cope with this pressure.
Seriously, although you may not have as many upvotes as some on the thread, your "just being there" is worth more than my opinion in this reply, or anyone else's in this thread. | | | |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 21:47 - Dec 21 with 2067 views | ITFC_Forever |
I lost my brother six years ago tomorrow (canāt comprehend that itās been that long), and my Mum in October, so while my wifeās family are very welcoming, they canāt do enough for us and I get on very well with them, thereās going to be two holes in the fabric this year.
Although my brother often worked away, heād always be back for Christmas and would come to the Town game if we were at home on Boxing Day. Got himself in trouble the year our game was called off an hour before kick-off (10 years ago maybe? Vs Watford?) as while I had a couple more in the pub after weād heard and then went to Mumās where our families were having Boxing Day evening, he stayed in town all afternoon.
Another Christmas when he was about 20, he got pretty hammered on Christmas Eve and spent most of the night cuddling the loo.
Weāve been emptying my Mumās house this year as sheād moved in to a care home before she passed away, and thereās only a few bits and pieces left there now. Itās really strange looking at the empty lounge and thinking of all the Christmases and birthdays etc weāve had in that room. [Post edited 22 Dec 2023 6:37]
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 23:45 - Dec 21 with 1963 views | Churchman |
This is a top post. Thank you.
I noticed our footballers were doing their āChristmas visitsā this week. It cost them a little bit of time, the club a little bit of merchandise. It will have given so many people a little gift way beyond time, a scarf, a shirt and a present or two. Little things like this really matter. One look of Conor Chaplinās face holding a child tells us it mattered to him too. A lot.
I know first hand, for example, that the staff and patients at St Elizabethās were looking forward to it. As somebody at the Demelza hospice close to where I live once said āwe cannot add days to life, but we can add life to daysā. I canāt add to that.
Yes, not only is it a lovely time of year, it can also be difficult. I will be doing Christmas Day with Mrs C this year with no enthusiasm whatsoever - but we will do it. Weāve invited my sister over, who is struggling a bit, but she wants to be on her own. It worries me but I can only keep the door open for her and thatās what I will do.
I very much agree with the OP. If you are struggling do try and reach out. If the last month or two has taught me anything is that there are some wonderful people out there. Far more than the negative media would have you believe. [Post edited 22 Dec 2023 0:27]
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 00:02 - Dec 22 with 1943 views | hoppy |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 19:14 - Dec 21 by GeoffSentence |
Keno may be pyst |
To be honest, I thought it had been one of his clearer posts to decipher... |  |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 00:05 - Dec 22 with 1931 views | hoppy |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 21:47 - Dec 21 by ITFC_Forever |
I lost my brother six years ago tomorrow (canāt comprehend that itās been that long), and my Mum in October, so while my wifeās family are very welcoming, they canāt do enough for us and I get on very well with them, thereās going to be two holes in the fabric this year.
Although my brother often worked away, heād always be back for Christmas and would come to the Town game if we were at home on Boxing Day. Got himself in trouble the year our game was called off an hour before kick-off (10 years ago maybe? Vs Watford?) as while I had a couple more in the pub after weād heard and then went to Mumās where our families were having Boxing Day evening, he stayed in town all afternoon.
Another Christmas when he was about 20, he got pretty hammered on Christmas Eve and spent most of the night cuddling the loo.
Weāve been emptying my Mumās house this year as sheād moved in to a care home before she passed away, and thereās only a few bits and pieces left there now. Itās really strange looking at the empty lounge and thinking of all the Christmases and birthdays etc weāve had in that room. [Post edited 22 Dec 2023 6:37]
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That Watford game was 13 years ago... Boxing Day, 2010.
I know this to be accurate, as Yasmin was born at the beginning of October 2011.. we were in the pub having lunch when we heard the game had been called off. | |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 00:39 - Dec 22 with 1859 views | Cheltenham_Blue |
Great post. My MH struggles were posted on her a couple of weeks ago.
One of the things that gets me at this time of year, is losing my mum on 20th December, just 6 weeks after been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, so this time of year can be a cracker for me too.
I hope the rest of the Christmas season goes well for you, I'm sure your aunt is around you somewhere. |  |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 08:22 - Dec 22 with 1717 views | SaleAway |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 00:39 - Dec 22 by Cheltenham_Blue |
Great post. My MH struggles were posted on her a couple of weeks ago.
One of the things that gets me at this time of year, is losing my mum on 20th December, just 6 weeks after been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, so this time of year can be a cracker for me too.
I hope the rest of the Christmas season goes well for you, I'm sure your aunt is around you somewhere. |
Hope you're doing ok. I lost my Grandma on Christmas Eve a few years back, so yeah, always a slightly strange time. I always try to remember though, that the one thing that both her and my aunt would have hated, would have been for people to be miserable. So I try to remember the good times and be thankful for having them in my life, instead of hating that they're not here now. | |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 08:42 - Dec 22 with 1682 views | hollywoodginge |
Thank you for sharing and highlighting. I hope that your grief journey has been as complete as it can be so far. I lost my brother, Richard Day, well I say lost, he was taken from us in Feb 2020 following a cowardly attack as he walked home. This is the third Christmas in his absence, and to compound matters it is his birthday on Boxing Day too. Each year is a 48 hour double whammy of emotions. Itās hard, because grief is a very internal process and at times existence. Society moves on quicker than grief allows you to, it doesnāt wait for you, and that certainly includes those closest to you! but as we all do you just apply the mask and play the role, grin and appear merry. Itās exhausting. I canāt foresee how Christmas will go, grief gives no clues, or indications. I will take it as I find it and get through it for another year.
Boxing Day will be odd, it was always our tradition to go to football together (and the pub) due to covid Iāve not had the chance to do this annual tradition without him there yet, so itās yet another āfirstā coming up 4 years later. It will be very strange, there will be tears, but hereās hoping heās looking down on a 3 point masterclass. | |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 09:46 - Dec 22 with 1600 views | _clive_baker_ |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 00:05 - Dec 22 by hoppy |
That Watford game was 13 years ago... Boxing Day, 2010.
I know this to be accurate, as Yasmin was born at the beginning of October 2011.. we were in the pub having lunch when we heard the game had been called off. |
Good job the game got called off then, sounds like you were productive with the time. | | | |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 10:23 - Dec 22 with 1550 views | Nutkins_Return |
Outstanding and important post. Well done for sending this. | |
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| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 10:51 - Dec 22 with 1504 views | brazil1982 |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 23:45 - Dec 21 by Churchman |
This is a top post. Thank you.
I noticed our footballers were doing their āChristmas visitsā this week. It cost them a little bit of time, the club a little bit of merchandise. It will have given so many people a little gift way beyond time, a scarf, a shirt and a present or two. Little things like this really matter. One look of Conor Chaplinās face holding a child tells us it mattered to him too. A lot.
I know first hand, for example, that the staff and patients at St Elizabethās were looking forward to it. As somebody at the Demelza hospice close to where I live once said āwe cannot add days to life, but we can add life to daysā. I canāt add to that.
Yes, not only is it a lovely time of year, it can also be difficult. I will be doing Christmas Day with Mrs C this year with no enthusiasm whatsoever - but we will do it. Weāve invited my sister over, who is struggling a bit, but she wants to be on her own. It worries me but I can only keep the door open for her and thatās what I will do.
I very much agree with the OP. If you are struggling do try and reach out. If the last month or two has taught me anything is that there are some wonderful people out there. Far more than the negative media would have you believe. [Post edited 22 Dec 2023 0:27]
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If we happen to win promotion to the promised land, and if we sign very expensive players, I do hope we retain that close connection with the local community. It's vital. | | | |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 10:53 - Dec 22 with 1492 views | hoppy |
| Grief, loneliness, mental health struggles at Christmas on 10:51 - Dec 22 by brazil1982 |
If we happen to win promotion to the promised land, and if we sign very expensive players, I do hope we retain that close connection with the local community. It's vital. |
I think that is a definite. Mark Ashton has reiterated on numerous occasions how important it is that we are in and involved in the community. | |
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