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Never underestimate a cow 15:07 - May 15 with 3307 viewsGeoffSentence

Those feckers are fast.

I got chased by a herd today.

I knew these cows were a bit jittery, but I thought I had plenty of room to give them a wide berth and my path took me round their field towards a footbridge and away from where they were stationed. So my route took me away from them.

A couple of watch cows spotted me but didnt pay to much attention, just gave me the stink eye. But as I stopped to look at a song thrush in a bush I heard a rumbling behind me. The calves had decided to stampede and their mothers went with them. They were heading towards my exit point which was the footbridge, and the rear guard was closer to my entry point than I was at this point. They were hurtling in my direction and my only way to escape was to hop over a barbed wire fence and jump a stream into the next field.

The stream was about 5 foot wide, which is quite a way for a standing jump, but I got over and noticed that the gate to this field was open , the cows were streaming over the footbridge and heading towards it. I had to flee as fast as I could across the field and hide in a foxes den under a tree before they saw me. When I got my breath back I was able to climb over a fence and walk safely along the hedge line without them seeing me. But then there was a break in the hedge where there was nothing but a strand or two of barbed wire. The feckers saw me again and came charging after me . I am just glad that they dont like barbed wire because it would not have taken much for them to knock through it if they wanted.

They are pretty smart too. The advance guard , having blocked off my access to my footbridge exit earlier, then headed straight for the gate where the footpath would take me.



Don't boil a kettle on a boat.
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Never underestimate a cow on 16:41 - May 15 with 646 viewssolemio

The important action from all this is you starting your long jump training.
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Never underestimate a cow on 16:43 - May 15 with 630 viewsDJR

Never underestimate a cow on 15:58 - May 15 by GeoffSentence

map showing the events of the battle of the meadow



In centuries to come, this is just the sort of battle which could be the subject of the then equivalent of Two Men in a Trench.
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Never underestimate a cow on 16:46 - May 15 with 625 viewsJoey_Joe_Joe_Junior

Never underestimate a cow on 15:56 - May 15 by textbackup

Couple of fields full of them down Playford way where I walk the dogs. A massive Bull in one of the fields too… no signs up either, which I thought was a legal requirement.


Bulls do give me that vibe that they could attack at anytime and it's quite common to stumble across them at anytime when walking through fields in England.

It would be my luck after plenty of Hiking in the US amongst Bears and Mountain Lions (Saw one in Utah once) I get done by a cow or something.
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Never underestimate a cow on 16:56 - May 15 with 597 viewsThe_Flashing_Smile

Never underestimate a cow on 16:03 - May 15 by GeoffSentence

My route through hedge was via the entrance to a foxes den, I sat in there keeping a low profile and getting my breath back.


What did the foxes think about all this?

Trust the process. Trust Phil.

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Never underestimate a cow on 17:03 - May 15 with 576 viewshoppy

Never underestimate a cow on 16:56 - May 15 by The_Flashing_Smile

What did the foxes think about all this?


Vardy, in particular, was most upset, as it was supposed to be his chance to be the main event.

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Never underestimate a cow on 17:31 - May 15 with 544 viewsMattinLondon

Never underestimate a cow on 16:56 - May 15 by The_Flashing_Smile

What did the foxes think about all this?


I fear we won’t know for a while as Geoff has just sold the rights of this story to the creators of Wallace and Gromit.
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Never underestimate a cow on 17:53 - May 15 with 522 viewsnorfsufblue

Never underestimate a cow on 15:20 - May 15 by bluelagos

Do a lot of countryside walking and only ever seen one herd stampede, would defo cause major injury or death to anyone in the way.

They kill lots of people each year, easily spooked by dogs apparently.

Also been chased by a llama (they are horrible fckers) and had a face off with a deer once. Neither nice encounters.


When i lived in Stebbing we used to walk over the fields to the village pitch to play footie in the goalposts pitch was on a meadow which some cows happily grazed on most of the time without any problems... but every now and then they just used to decide it would be fun to " see us off"... dont know what triggered it was completely random ...... the chase down to leap over the field gate must have generated a few unofficial 100 yrd uk records!
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Never underestimate a cow on 17:55 - May 15 with 519 viewsHungryLikeTheWoolf

should've followed the advice in your profile pic
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Never underestimate a cow on 18:06 - May 15 with 494 viewsNthQldITFC

Never underestimate a cow on 15:20 - May 15 by bluelagos

Do a lot of countryside walking and only ever seen one herd stampede, would defo cause major injury or death to anyone in the way.

They kill lots of people each year, easily spooked by dogs apparently.

Also been chased by a llama (they are horrible fckers) and had a face off with a deer once. Neither nice encounters.


One idea is to charge at 'em obliquely and get them to veer off, but that relies on them having space to turn into and you having a stout pair of trousers.

I once got cornered by a couple of massive and semi-feral bulls in Australia but I managed to get behind a tree with a metal fencepost in my hands. Fortunately they started having a go at each other and I got through the wire, and got the flock out of Dodge.

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Never underestimate a cow on 18:06 - May 15 with 489 viewstextbackup

Never underestimate a cow on 16:46 - May 15 by Joey_Joe_Joe_Junior

Bulls do give me that vibe that they could attack at anytime and it's quite common to stumble across them at anytime when walking through fields in England.

It would be my luck after plenty of Hiking in the US amongst Bears and Mountain Lions (Saw one in Utah once) I get done by a cow or something.


It’s honestly amazing how big they are too.
Muscles on muscles. Heading to the Suffolk show in a couple of weeks and getting close to one is always a bit of a highlight.

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Never underestimate a cow on 18:12 - May 15 with 489 viewseireblue

Never underestimate a cow on 16:41 - May 15 by hoppy

Where was the curry?


I am guessing, in his pants.
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Never underestimate a cow on 18:25 - May 15 with 474 viewsSwansea_Blue

Never underestimate a cow on 15:58 - May 15 by GeoffSentence

map showing the events of the battle of the meadow



Would it have been too much trouble to put a scale and north arrow on? Or maybe they’re on the udder side?

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Never underestimate a cow on 18:32 - May 15 with 459 viewsSwansea_Blue

Never underestimate a cow on 18:06 - May 15 by textbackup

It’s honestly amazing how big they are too.
Muscles on muscles. Heading to the Suffolk show in a couple of weeks and getting close to one is always a bit of a highlight.


Are you sure they’re large, or just really close?

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Never underestimate a cow on 18:33 - May 15 with 455 viewsbluelagos

Never underestimate a cow on 18:25 - May 15 by Swansea_Blue

Would it have been too much trouble to put a scale and north arrow on? Or maybe they’re on the udder side?


Don't be giving him ideas - or he'll really milk it.

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Never underestimate a cow on 18:36 - May 15 with 451 viewsJoey_Joe_Joe_Junior

Never underestimate a cow on 18:06 - May 15 by textbackup

It’s honestly amazing how big they are too.
Muscles on muscles. Heading to the Suffolk show in a couple of weeks and getting close to one is always a bit of a highlight.


It is a bit boring through that England doesn't have any dangerous wildlife though!

Must be cows statistically, that's rubbish.

I always wondered if black bears would survive in the UK. Giving the population density it probably wouldn't go very well lol

That said they are surprisingly tame in place like the Smokey Mountains with the amount of tourists around, they really don't bother you.
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Never underestimate a cow on 18:38 - May 15 with 441 viewsMattinLondon

Never underestimate a cow on 18:25 - May 15 by Swansea_Blue

Would it have been too much trouble to put a scale and north arrow on? Or maybe they’re on the udder side?


Awful punning… heifer word with yourself.
[Post edited 15 May 18:38]
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Never underestimate a cow on 18:41 - May 15 with 425 viewsleitrimblue

Never underestimate a cow on 18:36 - May 15 by Joey_Joe_Joe_Junior

It is a bit boring through that England doesn't have any dangerous wildlife though!

Must be cows statistically, that's rubbish.

I always wondered if black bears would survive in the UK. Giving the population density it probably wouldn't go very well lol

That said they are surprisingly tame in place like the Smokey Mountains with the amount of tourists around, they really don't bother you.


Never underestimate a Pinemartin, looks cute enough but would gouge yer eyes out as soon as look at yer.
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Never underestimate a cow on 18:44 - May 15 with 409 viewsIllinoisblue

Never underestimate a cow on 18:41 - May 15 by leitrimblue

Never underestimate a Pinemartin, looks cute enough but would gouge yer eyes out as soon as look at yer.


I read that in an Alan Partridge voice

62 - 78 - 81
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Never underestimate a cow on 18:47 - May 15 with 405 viewstextbackup

Never underestimate a cow on 18:36 - May 15 by Joey_Joe_Joe_Junior

It is a bit boring through that England doesn't have any dangerous wildlife though!

Must be cows statistically, that's rubbish.

I always wondered if black bears would survive in the UK. Giving the population density it probably wouldn't go very well lol

That said they are surprisingly tame in place like the Smokey Mountains with the amount of tourists around, they really don't bother you.


Yeah it would be decent to need to keep an eye out for something savage, hopefully the wolves and polar bears escape Jimmys farm one day.

Was speaking to a lady last week that lost her dog after a bite from an adder. Big German shepherd too. So maybe we aren’t fully in the clear

We’ll be good again... one day
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Never underestimate a cow on 18:56 - May 15 with 394 viewsbluelagos

One for those of you who don't like bikers


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Never underestimate a cow on 18:57 - May 15 with 392 viewsleitrimblue

Never underestimate a cow on 18:44 - May 15 by Illinoisblue

I read that in an Alan Partridge voice


I like to think it was pure Martin Brennan..
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Never underestimate a cow on 19:34 - May 15 with 347 viewsjontysnut

Never underestimate a cow on 18:36 - May 15 by Joey_Joe_Joe_Junior

It is a bit boring through that England doesn't have any dangerous wildlife though!

Must be cows statistically, that's rubbish.

I always wondered if black bears would survive in the UK. Giving the population density it probably wouldn't go very well lol

That said they are surprisingly tame in place like the Smokey Mountains with the amount of tourists around, they really don't bother you.


Where I live Brer Bear would end up revolving on a spit over a large fire
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Never underestimate a cow on 19:37 - May 15 with 343 viewsJoey_Joe_Joe_Junior

Never underestimate a cow on 18:47 - May 15 by textbackup

Yeah it would be decent to need to keep an eye out for something savage, hopefully the wolves and polar bears escape Jimmys farm one day.

Was speaking to a lady last week that lost her dog after a bite from an adder. Big German shepherd too. So maybe we aren’t fully in the clear


The Black Cat/Panther thing was always a bit of Myth I think (unfortunately).

I was at Zion National Park during Covid as Utah was pretty open with reduced numbers in the parks, they used to only allow a small groups at a time, so I would always get the 6am bus and basically have the trails almost myself.

Saw a fricking mountain lion chilling up a tree in the distance. Sure I'd have gone on without incident but walked very slowly back towards the entrance and waited for the 7am bus to turn up and tried another trail with a few others haha.

Did tell the rangers though, they do want to know when it comes to them things!

Said with the reduced numbers of people allowed in during 2020 they were a lot more sightings. They are everywhere from there down to Arizona though.
[Post edited 15 May 19:37]
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Never underestimate a cow on 20:56 - May 15 with 269 viewsNutkins_Return

Never underestimate a cow on 15:12 - May 15 by The_Flashing_Smile

You hid in a foxes' den?! This sounds like a story from The Famous Five.


Genuinely made me laugh that.

I also was drawn to the Jurassic Park scene...I assume he went "clever girl" when they spotted him again.

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Never underestimate a cow on 21:49 - May 15 with 239 viewsDavoIPB

You were very lucky. Cows with calves kill lots of people each year and you are right. They are very quick. Much faster than a human. Or maybe most humans. Definitely don't take a dog into field of cows with calves, it won't end well.
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