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On A Lighthearted Note............ 21:25 - Jul 8 with 1924 viewsStochesStotasBlewe

...........turned up for a quick mowing job this morning.

Clients large shaggy hound came out to greet me. Made a fuss of said hound.

"Don't make a fuss of him, he's in disgrace"

"Why?"

"He ate the tortoise".

I swiftly went back to the van, shut the doors and pissed myself laughing until my sides hurt.

Am i damned for eternity or not?

We have no village green, or a shop. It's very, very quiet. I can walk to the pub.

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 21:30 - Jul 8 with 1581 viewsjeera

Ate the tortoise?

That's got to take some doing you'd think.

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 21:33 - Jul 8 with 1565 viewsStochesStotasBlewe

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 21:30 - Jul 8 by jeera

Ate the tortoise?

That's got to take some doing you'd think.


As i didn/t want to laugh in front of them, i didn't dare ask as it would have set me off again.

They were deadly serious though and the hound is a big fecker.

We have no village green, or a shop. It's very, very quiet. I can walk to the pub.

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 21:38 - Jul 8 with 1541 viewsjeera

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 21:33 - Jul 8 by StochesStotasBlewe

As i didn/t want to laugh in front of them, i didn't dare ask as it would have set me off again.

They were deadly serious though and the hound is a big fecker.


Thing is, we try to humanise our dogs don't we.

Then they do something that's perfectly normal to them but throws us off balance and makes us [temporarily] view them in a different light.

I was once standing on my front driveway watching a blackbird that had ventured up to some 10 feet from me.

We both stood still checking each other out when my greyhound just appeared from nowhere, sped past me, and swallowed the poor thing whole.

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 21:38 - Jul 8 with 1536 viewsXYZ

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 21:30 - Jul 8 by jeera

Ate the tortoise?

That's got to take some doing you'd think.


Nah, they open like a tin of sardines. There's a little ring-pull near the back end if you look closely.
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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 21:41 - Jul 8 with 1508 viewshoppy

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 21:38 - Jul 8 by XYZ

Nah, they open like a tin of sardines. There's a little ring-pull near the back end if you look closely.


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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 21:41 - Jul 8 with 1510 viewsBlueBadger

This is possibly the greatest, and yet worst tale on here since Lucan on the train.

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 21:42 - Jul 8 with 1499 viewsEwan_Oozami

Saved you the problem of running the tortoise over with your mower...

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:00 - Jul 8 with 1429 viewsBloomBlue

The tortoise might have the last laugh, the shell takes ages to dissolve and depending how big the pieces of shell are now in the dog's gut crapping could be a problem. It could end up with an operation at the vets and a large bill for the owners.
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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:13 - Jul 8 with 1384 viewsbluelagos

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:00 - Jul 8 by BloomBlue

The tortoise might have the last laugh, the shell takes ages to dissolve and depending how big the pieces of shell are now in the dog's gut crapping could be a problem. It could end up with an operation at the vets and a large bill for the owners.


Am not questioning your knowledge on digesting a tortoise, but definitely wondering how you know about digesting a tortoise shell?

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:18 - Jul 8 with 1344 viewsNthQldITFC

"If you didn't want me to eat it, why was it in a fkn bowl? Ruff."

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:19 - Jul 8 with 1341 viewsjeera

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:13 - Jul 8 by bluelagos

Am not questioning your knowledge on digesting a tortoise, but definitely wondering how you know about digesting a tortoise shell?


Well there's no way a digestion system is going to deal with it, and even a stupid dog would realise that's not part of the intended meal.

I'm going with if a dog can swirl around its mouth a tablet hidden in a bowl of food and manage to locate it in order to spit it out then it should be able to do the same with chunks of hard shell from pieces of meat.

However, if there are any bits that have gone down then matey's right, the sharp bits could cause all sorts of problems.

Not sure how the toroise might get to celebrate this though.

Poll: Xmas dinner: Yorkshires or not?

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:20 - Jul 8 with 1328 viewsArnoldMoorhen

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 21:38 - Jul 8 by jeera

Thing is, we try to humanise our dogs don't we.

Then they do something that's perfectly normal to them but throws us off balance and makes us [temporarily] view them in a different light.

I was once standing on my front driveway watching a blackbird that had ventured up to some 10 feet from me.

We both stood still checking each other out when my greyhound just appeared from nowhere, sped past me, and swallowed the poor thing whole.


Your greyhound has taken years to train you up to be that good a decoy. I hope he made a fuss of you and let you know what a good boy you had been!
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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:22 - Jul 8 with 1315 viewsjeera

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:20 - Jul 8 by ArnoldMoorhen

Your greyhound has taken years to train you up to be that good a decoy. I hope he made a fuss of you and let you know what a good boy you had been!


You probably have a point.

And I always thought he was the dense one.

Yet there I was, running about for him, working all day to home and feed him...

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:31 - Jul 8 with 1291 viewsMerseyBlue

I wonder what tortoise tastes like. I feel like they'd be sinewy.

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:41 - Jul 8 with 1250 viewsWeWereZombies

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:19 - Jul 8 by jeera

Well there's no way a digestion system is going to deal with it, and even a stupid dog would realise that's not part of the intended meal.

I'm going with if a dog can swirl around its mouth a tablet hidden in a bowl of food and manage to locate it in order to spit it out then it should be able to do the same with chunks of hard shell from pieces of meat.

However, if there are any bits that have gone down then matey's right, the sharp bits could cause all sorts of problems.

Not sure how the toroise might get to celebrate this though.


I'm guessing that the dog got down low, held the tortoise steady with a paw and then sucked the body out of the shell from the head end walnut whip style.

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 23:06 - Jul 8 with 1162 viewsFixed_It

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:31 - Jul 8 by MerseyBlue

I wonder what tortoise tastes like. I feel like they'd be sinewy.


Probably a bit like turtle. Having said that, I wonder what turtle tastes like? Probably like tortoise, but a bit more fishy.

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 00:01 - Jul 9 with 1055 viewsCoastalblue

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:31 - Jul 8 by MerseyBlue

I wonder what tortoise tastes like. I feel like they'd be sinewy.


Probably pretty good


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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 06:58 - Jul 9 with 926 viewsBlueBadger

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:31 - Jul 8 by MerseyBlue

I wonder what tortoise tastes like. I feel like they'd be sinewy.


Better if done in a slow cooker.

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 08:19 - Jul 9 with 823 viewsWeWereZombies

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 06:58 - Jul 9 by BlueBadger

Better if done in a slow cooker.


And the wine to go with it?

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 08:29 - Jul 9 with 803 viewsThe_Flashing_Smile

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 08:19 - Jul 9 by WeWereZombies

And the wine to go with it?


Sloe gin?

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 08:32 - Jul 9 with 795 viewsCheltenham_Blue

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 22:18 - Jul 8 by NthQldITFC

"If you didn't want me to eat it, why was it in a fkn bowl? Ruff."


Actual LOL

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 08:50 - Jul 9 with 767 viewsWeWereZombies

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 08:29 - Jul 9 by The_Flashing_Smile

Sloe gin?


I was thinking more along the lines of a light bodied Malbec.

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 08:52 - Jul 9 with 753 viewsKeno

Hashtag Tortoise Lives Matter!!

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 09:07 - Jul 9 with 710 viewsStochesStotasBlewe

On A Lighthearted Note............ on 08:52 - Jul 9 by Keno

Hashtag Tortoise Lives Matter!!


No doubt they’ll shell out for another one.

We have no village green, or a shop. It's very, very quiet. I can walk to the pub.

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On A Lighthearted Note............ on 09:11 - Jul 9 with 698 viewsSwansea_Blue

You don’t see many tortoises around these days. Used to be all the rage when I was a kid.

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