| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone 18:51 - Jan 21 with 10039 views | Swailsey |
For seemingly no reason?
A fairly good friend (not amazing but reasonable, who I have known for 15 years) suddenly stopped replying to my messages and then when I asked if everything was ok, I was blocked on WhatsApp.
I honestly can’t think of any logical reason for this, and whilst it’s slightly upsetting, it’s also quite hard not to self-reflect to the point of insanity. Maybe they have something else going on in their life? Maybe they were overwhelmed? Are these legitimate reasons?
All very strange. [Post edited 21 Jan 18:52]
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 23:46 - Jan 21 with 2043 views | CrayonKing |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 22:16 - Jan 21 by ArnoldMoorhen |
There has been a trend in therapy circles for clients to identify those who create toxicity and then cut them off.
This has then spilled over into bloggers, vloggers, internet chat groups etc.
A worrying trend, in my opinion, is the rise of unregulated, laughably "qualified" Life Coaches. I am aware of some who "help" people to "identify" toxicity in their lives. As Stewart Lee would say "For money". And of course, if somebody cuts off their support network then they become more dependent on the coach. And book more sessions.
It's very similar to how cults work. Membership of a cult (religious or political) may also be a possibility here.
That (cultural emphasis generally, or therapist or life coach relationship) might explain why it has happened. Also note the possibility of some "New Year, New Me!" motivation due to the timing. |
yea, there's a lot of online rabbit holes people fall down nowadays. Virtually any post on reddit about relationships or family problems will have a ton of people suggesting going "no contact". Its pretty sad that people get caught up in it, especially when half the replies are bots nowadays anyway! |  | | |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 23:48 - Jan 21 with 1987 views | Europablue |
My automatic response was no, never, but now I have remembered a second such case.
I met a friend at uni. We were friends in a group and became close and basically moved in together (same block of flats different floor).
After uni, he just ghosted everyone in our friendship group. This was 15 years ago now. There have been some sightings and such, but we don't have much detail. I feel like he had self esteem issues and maybe he felt like we were making fun of him or pretending to be his friend. He was a good lad, and it's a shame we never hear from him because he is missed by the members of our friendship group. |  | | |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 23:52 - Jan 21 with 2013 views | Swansea_Blue |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 19:19 - Jan 21 by Wacko |
Chances are it's nothing personal against you.
Happened to me and the guy was struggling career-wise and wanted (reluctantly) to leave the industry / community we were part of so cut off everyone - including those way closer to him than me |
I’ve been guilty of that myself. I wasn’t happy in my last role, so ended up withdrawing from most people at work and most people in general really. It wasn’t even a conscious choice and I only noticed once I’d left and felt much more positive about things. It’s funny what being miserable can do.
TLDR - don’t assume it’s something you’ve done. It could be them. |  |
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 00:01 - Jan 22 with 1993 views | CrayonKing |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 22:13 - Jan 21 by TractorWood |
Interesting thread.
I had a great friendship with someone growing up. We were really close from ages 5 to 18. He then went to uni and we drifted apart. I made an effort for a few years to stay in touch but he would read it and never replied.
Like a few others have said, I just got to the point where I felt like I was shouting into an empty room. He seems to have done the same to everyone else from his childhood. He hasn't been spotted or heard from in years. |
Got to admit I've been that sh-tty friend. I went off to uni and didn't really keep in touch with any of my old friend group. Wasn't really a reason for it. I wasn't particularly happy with my life at home and uni was a fresh start. It wasn't a conscious decision to ditch my old friends, and when i look back i feel like a total dick for it. I think it came down to not being socially and mentally capable of maintaining two sets of friend groups so I noped out of the one where I was least happy.
Nearly 30 years later and I still regret not keeping in touch, and heard one of them died last week :( | | | |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 00:09 - Jan 22 with 1968 views | Churchman |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 21:09 - Jan 21 by Ryorry |
Had similar once, friend living abroad. Turned out she was developing dementia, very sad. |
I think in my friends case it was to do with finding and marrying a new partner after a failed first marriage and making a fresh start. It was odd because we’d been good friends for a very long time. I guess you never truly know people and everyone makes choices.
Your tough (poor wording - you know what I mean) story of getting married struck a chord. I was sorry to read that. Something similar (but different of course) happened with my mum. Her dad was dying and her mum wouldn’t travel. Her two brothers and sister didn’t go and neither did any friend from her ATS life, workplace or any relations.
My dad’s father gave her away. I really don’t know why it was like that and the subject was totally off limits. It remains with them as they’ve gone. All my dad said in later years was that it affected her deeply and putting it bluntly, she was ashamed of her family. That bit I knew. Not least because they were at the bottom of the heap and my father’s family were not. Who cares. Not me, but she did.
How silly can you get? So stupid. She wound up not speaking with her older brother for decades and her sister even longer. They did eventually, but what a waste of time.
But that’s a generational thing and perhaps the breakdown of barriers like that in our modern world is a good thing.
Apologies for the ramble. The point is people do all sorts of dopey things over time and I guess the best thing is not to think too much about what others do. I don’t any more. [Post edited 22 Jan 0:22]
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 00:17 - Jan 22 with 1949 views | Hugoagogo_Reborn |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 21:34 - Jan 21 by Ryorry |
It does leave you feeling bereft I agree - you don’t have the chance to say goodbye. My friend and her husband (who had died a few years previously) and who were a bit older than me and ex, but younger friends of my parents, had stood in sort of loco parentis for me at our wedding, as my dad was in hospital with cancer, unable to travel, and my mum wasn’t willing to leave him.
So it felt particularly poignant, we’d been close, and she and I were the only two of the six of us still living at that time. Life can be hard. |
Losing a relationship with a friend or family member who hasn't passed away is an often overlooked bereavement.
It's akin to death in some ways, but knowing they are living their life without you in it can be very difficult to come to terms with.
Swailsey - your experience is extremely valid. I know you replied to Ryorry who lost friends that were like parents to her, and that is an awful experience (sorry for that pain you've experienced, Ryorry) but your grief is valid too. Don't forget that. [Post edited 22 Jan 0:25]
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 00:25 - Jan 22 with 1919 views | mutters |
Interesting thread as I've experienced this recently.
Best mate growing up, lived round the corner from each other. Met at 7, went to cubs together and then from 11-18 at the same school. Ended up travelling, living in London for nearly 20 years whee our friendship remained very strong. Was best man at his wedding. He moved away but still once a month he wod stay at mine as he needed to come back from work.
I then moved away due to family commitments and boom he disappears. Seen sporadically for a few years when events meant we both got invites. Absolutely no drama or tension between us, nothing bad had happened and still perfectly fine.
Then the last two years he's just stopped responding to my calls, texts, messages etc. I've tried to make contact but get stonewalled back. Spoken to mutual friends about it but they only hear from him sporadically
Incredibly hard to deal with when somebody that you're so close to just goes and disappears from your life. I've sadly given up now as I can't be chasing people if they don't want to be chased. |  |
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 00:33 - Jan 22 with 1900 views | Hugoagogo_Reborn |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 00:25 - Jan 22 by mutters |
Interesting thread as I've experienced this recently.
Best mate growing up, lived round the corner from each other. Met at 7, went to cubs together and then from 11-18 at the same school. Ended up travelling, living in London for nearly 20 years whee our friendship remained very strong. Was best man at his wedding. He moved away but still once a month he wod stay at mine as he needed to come back from work.
I then moved away due to family commitments and boom he disappears. Seen sporadically for a few years when events meant we both got invites. Absolutely no drama or tension between us, nothing bad had happened and still perfectly fine.
Then the last two years he's just stopped responding to my calls, texts, messages etc. I've tried to make contact but get stonewalled back. Spoken to mutual friends about it but they only hear from him sporadically
Incredibly hard to deal with when somebody that you're so close to just goes and disappears from your life. I've sadly given up now as I can't be chasing people if they don't want to be chased. |
There's a quote online that has helped me to reconcile the loss of some who I've loved in the past.
"Every day we can meet new friends, some will stay and some will go, but the experience will never leave you. Enjoy them all for however long they stay, for there is a reason and a season for everything in your lifetime." | | | |
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 01:46 - Jan 22 with 1824 views | mutters |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 00:33 - Jan 22 by Hugoagogo_Reborn |
There's a quote online that has helped me to reconcile the loss of some who I've loved in the past.
"Every day we can meet new friends, some will stay and some will go, but the experience will never leave you. Enjoy them all for however long they stay, for there is a reason and a season for everything in your lifetime." |
Thanks, I am not going to lie but it hit me very hard as he was my longest friend (40+ years).
It makes you question many things about the friendship's realness, whether it's you or them! Whether we stayed friends as he needed a bed in London to sleep? Drive you mad.
It's been almost like a breakup when you don't get any answers just silence!
Still onwards and upwards! | |
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 02:15 - Jan 22 with 1797 views | Hugoagogo_Reborn |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 01:46 - Jan 22 by mutters |
Thanks, I am not going to lie but it hit me very hard as he was my longest friend (40+ years).
It makes you question many things about the friendship's realness, whether it's you or them! Whether we stayed friends as he needed a bed in London to sleep? Drive you mad.
It's been almost like a breakup when you don't get any answers just silence!
Still onwards and upwards! |
Gosh, I've been there, Mutters. You feel like it's a relationship break up, because it actually is. All of the advice you get online is about romantic breakups, but the reality is that friendship breakups can be just as hard to get over, emotionally, too. There's no shame in admitting that.
Some relationships do, sadly, have a finite timeframe. Yet others, bizarrely, can go years without nurturing, yet when you meet up after years without contact, it feels like nothing has changed. Neither type of dynamic is wrong. That's the key for me, personally, to understand and accept the loss of some relationships.
I hope you can heal. It will take time. Sometimes years, but don't let that person live rent-free in your head unnecessarily. If they pop up, acknowledge the thought without getting overly upset, but try to let the thought of them pass through like a cloud in the sky. This will lessen in time, as their absence becomes less intense. Acknowledging thoughts as just random synapse connections in your brain due to stored memories, really has helped me to handle recalling lost relationships as part of your brain's way of healing you, over time.
Trauma is not natural to the way our brains were designed. We have to adapt to it, the same way the amazing human body adapts to physical disabilities and trauma.
For those so inclined, the book "The Myth of Normal" by Gabor Maté is very enlightening about how trauma affects our physical health, if we let it. [Post edited 22 Jan 2:24]
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 03:23 - Jan 22 with 1729 views | tcblue |
Twice this has happened to me, and once I've done it.
All three were women, and all three times the reason has been jealousy from new partners..
In the case of where I ghosted someone though, it probably would have developed into something else. After six months or so I did talk to her to explain (and apologised). Which I should have done at the first point, but I was too scared about if it would accelerate things. We both sort of accepted it would've been a bad thing, but she was (understandably) very upset | | | |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 03:24 - Jan 22 with 1728 views | Ryorry |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 21:47 - Jan 21 by greyhound |
Good grief this makes my experience seem like a drop in the ocean im so sorry to read this.
Been a really enlightening thread this and slightly healing as well. I kind of thought it was a fairly unique situation mainly because I could personally never imagine doing it to anyone myself. |
Thanks. However, don't feel it diminishes your experience in any way. Everyone's situation is uniquely painful. |  |
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 03:28 - Jan 22 with 1709 views | Hugoagogo_Reborn |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 03:23 - Jan 22 by tcblue |
Twice this has happened to me, and once I've done it.
All three were women, and all three times the reason has been jealousy from new partners..
In the case of where I ghosted someone though, it probably would have developed into something else. After six months or so I did talk to her to explain (and apologised). Which I should have done at the first point, but I was too scared about if it would accelerate things. We both sort of accepted it would've been a bad thing, but she was (understandably) very upset |
Relationships are so very complex. Important thing is to analyse, apologise ( if necessary), learn and move on.
Good to see that you are definitely analysing what went wrong. | | | |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 03:38 - Jan 22 with 1670 views | tcblue |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 03:28 - Jan 22 by Hugoagogo_Reborn |
Relationships are so very complex. Important thing is to analyse, apologise ( if necessary), learn and move on.
Good to see that you are definitely analysing what went wrong. |
Thank you, I agree it's important. But it can also be quite damaging, I'm the king of over thinking and putting too much pressure on myself for not being "a good person' (whatever that means). | | | |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 03:47 - Jan 22 with 1649 views | Hugoagogo_Reborn |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 03:38 - Jan 22 by tcblue |
Thank you, I agree it's important. But it can also be quite damaging, I'm the king of over thinking and putting too much pressure on myself for not being "a good person' (whatever that means). |
In my 47 years of experience on this earth, the people who over-analyse and worry about being a good person usually are good people. You should be much more worried if you have never asked yourself that question before.
What matters is that, if you feel you've acted poorly or made a mistake, you try to make amends and learn from your mistakes. This is the human experience.
You are probably doing much better than you think you are, my friend | | | |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 09:51 - Jan 22 with 1440 views | itfcjoe |
I think generally it will be their issue rather than something you've done from experiences I've known of it
It happened to my wife and who was her best friend, was really upsetting for my wife and she ended up just deleting her of all her socials because it was upsetting seeing her knowing she'd done nothing wrong except live her life* but what can you do? You just have to move on.
Everyone knows whether it is deserved behaviou, and if you have to search too hard for the reasons why then it isn't.
* Drifted apart when we were getting married, despite her being maid of honour because she was jealous of a big wedding. Got close again when she had a kid, drifted apart when we subsequently did, and then basically totally went when we had a second because she wanted one and her husband didn't... |  |
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 10:02 - Jan 22 with 1392 views | gainsboroughblue |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 23:46 - Jan 21 by CrayonKing |
yea, there's a lot of online rabbit holes people fall down nowadays. Virtually any post on reddit about relationships or family problems will have a ton of people suggesting going "no contact". Its pretty sad that people get caught up in it, especially when half the replies are bots nowadays anyway! |
And it goes beyond that too. You get videos where they go into how your radio silence will affect the other person, saying how it drive them mad and they'll contact you because they fear losing you.
Utter codswallop, they've made their choices. All it does is offer false hope and encourage manipulative behaviour. |  |
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 10:07 - Jan 22 with 1377 views | SaffronWaldenBlues |
It's called social media, it has turned people into social weirdos and I have had this happen with a few people. People were never like this back in the day, and I find "ghosting" by grown adults to be pretty childish behavior if done on purpose, and frankly rude. |  |
| An East Anglian Town overtaken by Londoners |
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 10:34 - Jan 22 with 1335 views | gainsboroughblue |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 10:07 - Jan 22 by SaffronWaldenBlues |
It's called social media, it has turned people into social weirdos and I have had this happen with a few people. People were never like this back in the day, and I find "ghosting" by grown adults to be pretty childish behavior if done on purpose, and frankly rude. |
And mobile phones innit.
It's easier for people to ghost and ignore people now. You used to actually have to get up off your @rse and answer an old skool avocado coloured telephone not knowing who it was.
These days (appreciate I sound like Stewart Lee here) you don't have to read a sent message, you can casually see it at the top of your phone screen and ignore/pretend you haven't seen it.
Also, there are so many distractions in the modern world, people will also genuinely forget/let things slide. If it goes beyond a certain time before they have thought to reply, then that causes them anxiety and before long it becomes too late to. It's all a bit effed up. [Post edited 22 Jan 10:37]
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 10:45 - Jan 22 with 1298 views | Ryorry |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 10:07 - Jan 22 by SaffronWaldenBlues |
It's called social media, it has turned people into social weirdos and I have had this happen with a few people. People were never like this back in the day, and I find "ghosting" by grown adults to be pretty childish behavior if done on purpose, and frankly rude. |
That might be true sometimes, but it’s never going to explain the majority of such happenings. My friend, for example, didn’t even use the internet, never mind social media. | |
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 10:47 - Jan 22 with 1295 views | Trequartista |
Some quite sad stories in this thread, but in a way, quite heartening to know it's not just oneself it may happen too. On the surface it doesn't feel like a big deal if one has plenty of other friends, but its the sort of thing that can make you question if you are different to other people in some way until you find out it happens to others. |  |
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 11:01 - Jan 22 with 1244 views | OldFart71 |
Last year I went into an antiques shop and bumped into a Lady who I had worked on the same factory as. She was formerly the wife of a mate from many years ago and we used to visit them on occasions. She also introduced me to my first wife as she was a friend and worked in the same office as my first wife. I spoke to her to say hello and she totally ignored me. I'm not saying I was concerned as if that's the way she wants to go then so be it. If I see her again I won't bother. But seeing as we hadn't fallen out and the previous time I had seen her was when I returned to my previous employment on a temporary basis she had walked past me, smiled and said hello. Very strange. | | | |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 11:14 - Jan 22 with 1228 views | RobTheMonk |
We had one lad we grew up with who just went radio silent one day. There was a group of us that played football all the time together which then, when we turned 18, progressed into watching football in the pub. Then one day when we were early 20's, he just didn't come out any more and ghosted his two best mates. There was no natural moving in opposite directions which happens a lot at that age with people; we were all very much tight as a group (and his Mrs was nice enough too). He just never associated with us again.
I've only ever actively cut one person out of my life and that's because he was a nasty drunk and said some very questionable things about my now wife (one of those moments where the room goes quiet - he got some pelters from mutual friends for his behaviour), and also assaulted another of my good friends. |  | | |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 11:18 - Jan 22 with 1217 views | SaffronWaldenBlues |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 10:34 - Jan 22 by gainsboroughblue |
And mobile phones innit.
It's easier for people to ghost and ignore people now. You used to actually have to get up off your @rse and answer an old skool avocado coloured telephone not knowing who it was.
These days (appreciate I sound like Stewart Lee here) you don't have to read a sent message, you can casually see it at the top of your phone screen and ignore/pretend you haven't seen it.
Also, there are so many distractions in the modern world, people will also genuinely forget/let things slide. If it goes beyond a certain time before they have thought to reply, then that causes them anxiety and before long it becomes too late to. It's all a bit effed up. [Post edited 22 Jan 10:37]
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Ghosting is legitimately one of my pet peeves, I'd rather just be blocked. Even with selling stuff online with time wasters, offer to buy something, at x price, arrange payment and pickup and the people never respond again. Just say no thanks. Grow up! | |
| An East Anglian Town overtaken by Londoners |
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| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 11:29 - Jan 22 with 1170 views | NthQldITFC |
| Has anyone ever been completely cut off by someone on 22:16 - Jan 21 by ArnoldMoorhen |
There has been a trend in therapy circles for clients to identify those who create toxicity and then cut them off.
This has then spilled over into bloggers, vloggers, internet chat groups etc.
A worrying trend, in my opinion, is the rise of unregulated, laughably "qualified" Life Coaches. I am aware of some who "help" people to "identify" toxicity in their lives. As Stewart Lee would say "For money". And of course, if somebody cuts off their support network then they become more dependent on the coach. And book more sessions.
It's very similar to how cults work. Membership of a cult (religious or political) may also be a possibility here.
That (cultural emphasis generally, or therapist or life coach relationship) might explain why it has happened. Also note the possibility of some "New Year, New Me!" motivation due to the timing. |
On the other hand situations do occur where, say, an ageing and ego-troubled family member becomes more narcissistic, more misogynistic, more deceitful, more manipulative and more poisonous to people who have tolerated or, perhaps unwisely, propped up his ego for decades, and the only thing to do is to cut them off, because that low-consciousness, selfish poison spreads and damages other relationships.
People have to take responsibility for their actions (if they have mental agency), and not hide behind ridiculous blame shifting, deceit and bullsh!t excuses. |  |
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