| Had your ears lowered? 11:04 - Feb 4 with 2841 views | clive_baker |
Following a haircut.
What are the 'gags' made in certain situations that are so routine they're almost rude not to come out with? |  |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 11:07 - Feb 4 with 1857 views | BlueandTruesince82 |
Did you lose a fight with a lawnmower? 🥠|  |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 11:26 - Feb 4 with 1805 views | Illinoisblue |
Used to work with a bloke who, whenever anyone mentioned about getting a haircut he would say “just one hair? What about the rest of them?”
It annoyed me then and annoys me now. |  |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 11:27 - Feb 4 with 1799 views | WicklowBlue |
One over here used to be:
Did they give you a pair of knickers with that haircut?
No why?
Because they made a real c**t out of it. |  | | |
| Had your ears lowered? on 11:43 - Feb 4 with 1765 views | Dubtractor |
If you see a neighbour cleaning their car "you can clean mine when you're finished". |  |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 11:48 - Feb 4 with 1737 views | Deano69 |
Did the council cut your hair?
When do they finish it?
Did you get it done by mail order? |  |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 11:50 - Feb 4 with 1725 views | footers |
The old urinal classic "We really should stop meeting like this." |  |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 12:00 - Feb 4 with 1692 views | StochesStotasBlewe |
| Had your ears lowered? on 11:50 - Feb 4 by footers |
The old urinal classic "We really should stop meeting like this." |
As Mae West once said,
"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me" |  |
| We have no village green, or a shop.
It's very, very quiet.
I can walk to the pub. |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 12:08 - Feb 4 with 1676 views | Fixed_It |
My old boss used to say that. Every. Bl**dy. Time.  |  |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 12:10 - Feb 4 with 1667 views | Chondzoresk |
Ask Phil. |  | | |
| Had your ears lowered? on 12:25 - Feb 4 with 1642 views | WD19 |
I've never heard that one tbh.
'Been for a job interview?' or 'court appearance today?' every time someone came into the office in a suit. |  | | |
| Had your ears lowered? on 12:25 - Feb 4 with 1633 views | Illinoisblue |
| Had your ears lowered? on 11:43 - Feb 4 by Dubtractor |
If you see a neighbour cleaning their car "you can clean mine when you're finished". |
See also: lawn mowing. | |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 12:28 - Feb 4 with 1613 views | clive_baker |
| Had your ears lowered? on 11:48 - Feb 4 by Deano69 |
Did the council cut your hair?
When do they finish it?
Did you get it done by mail order? |
When are you getting it finished is an absolute belter. | |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 12:30 - Feb 4 with 1609 views | clive_baker |
| Had your ears lowered? on 12:25 - Feb 4 by WD19 |
I've never heard that one tbh.
'Been for a job interview?' or 'court appearance today?' every time someone came into the office in a suit. |
Equally, 'what have you come as?' whenever anyone arrives looking remotely unauthodox, as if to suggest they thought it was a fancy dress party. First heard it when a mate arrived to the pub in white jeans, he thoroughly deserved it. Gets me every time. | |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 12:31 - Feb 4 with 1609 views | Bluish |
Walking into the office looking vaguely smarter than usual to be met with "Did you get the job?" |  | | |
| Had your ears lowered? on 13:41 - Feb 4 with 1485 views | Deano69 |
| Had your ears lowered? on 12:28 - Feb 4 by clive_baker |
When are you getting it finished is an absolute belter. |
Also used for Makeovers & any new look/style of clothing. | |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 13:43 - Feb 4 with 1479 views | Swansea_Blue |
| Had your ears lowered? on 11:50 - Feb 4 by footers |
The old urinal classic "We really should stop meeting like this." |
'Ah, this is where the big nobs hang out' |  |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 13:59 - Feb 4 with 1446 views | WeWereZombies |
Someone I worked with came into the office with his usual haircut but done by a different barber and was asked why he was wearing a hat indoors... |  |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 14:29 - Feb 4 with 1397 views | MattinLondon |
When I was 6ft5 random people used to ask me ‘what’s the weather like up there? It got so tedious I decided to become 5ft9 instead. |  | | |
| Had your ears lowered? on 14:44 - Feb 4 with 1361 views | WD19 |
| Had your ears lowered? on 14:29 - Feb 4 by MattinLondon |
When I was 6ft5 random people used to ask me ‘what’s the weather like up there? It got so tedious I decided to become 5ft9 instead. |
Its a definite improvement....and the quality of you posts has gone up exponentially since the decapitation too. | | | |
| Had your ears lowered? on 14:49 - Feb 4 with 1348 views | giant_stow |
When wearing a crumpled shirt: "did you iron that with a cricket bat"
When asking someone stressed to do something for you: "Ok, if you stick a broom up my arse, i can sweep the floor too while i'm at it" |  |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 14:49 - Feb 4 with 1348 views | Tangledupin_Blue |
When your dad thought you needed to go to the barber he'd say "Am I hurting you?"
"No; why?"
"'Cos I'm standing on your hair." |  |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 14:58 - Feb 4 with 1333 views | Darth_Koont |
Not so much routine, but I had the chance to tell an old joke when I was in hospital after breaking a pinkie playing rugby.
The orthopaedic surgeon asked me if I played guitar. Because a broken pinkie loses 50-60% of its strength afterwards which is apparently tricky when you’re working the frets.
No, I said. But will I be able to play the piano?
Surgeon said yes. And I said, Great because I couldn’t before. |  |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 15:08 - Feb 4 with 1316 views | Tangledupin_Blue |
In the pub with this particular mate, if ever a woman had to stoop down maybe to pick up something she'd dropped, he'd smirk and say "While you're down there..."
I cringed every time. | |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 15:27 - Feb 4 with 1288 views | StochesStotasBlewe |
| Had your ears lowered? on 14:29 - Feb 4 by MattinLondon |
When I was 6ft5 random people used to ask me ‘what’s the weather like up there? It got so tedious I decided to become 5ft9 instead. |
"What's the weather like up there".
"Did you live in a grow bag?" [Post edited 4 Feb 2022 15:29]
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| We have no village green, or a shop.
It's very, very quiet.
I can walk to the pub. |
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| Had your ears lowered? on 15:31 - Feb 4 with 1265 views | giant_stow |
| Had your ears lowered? on 15:08 - Feb 4 by Tangledupin_Blue |
In the pub with this particular mate, if ever a woman had to stoop down maybe to pick up something she'd dropped, he'd smirk and say "While you're down there..."
I cringed every time. |
Oh you just reminded me of one, usually said by my old mate Angie who on seeing a woman in a short skirt was always guaranteed to say ' you can see what she had for breakfast'. Angie's old school. | |
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