| TWTD Joke Day?? 09:24 - Sep 5 with 9135 views | Keno |
come on folks its rainy, there's not footie and I'm bogged down with shedloads of paperwork so what jokes you got? |  |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 09:27 - Sep 5 with 4948 views | Help |
When a thief broke into carrow road to steal the silver ware the had to go into the kitchen and take the cutlery.
Sorry, it's a start. And very old. |  |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 09:30 - Sep 5 with 4922 views | NthQldITFC |
I went and saw my doctor the other day, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you." |  |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 09:32 - Sep 5 with 4894 views | ElephantintheRoom |
Did you hear about the Magic Tractor?
It turned into a field |  |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 09:32 - Sep 5 with 4908 views | mrfixit426 |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 09:35 - Sep 5 with 4889 views | WeWereZombies |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 09:27 - Sep 5 by Help |
When a thief broke into carrow road to steal the silver ware the had to go into the kitchen and take the cutlery.
Sorry, it's a start. And very old. |
Also very old, I heard it on BBC Radio Suffolk years ago but still a favourite.
Two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says
'So how do you drive this thing ?' |  |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 09:59 - Sep 5 with 4824 views | Keno |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 09:35 - Sep 5 by WeWereZombies |
Also very old, I heard it on BBC Radio Suffolk years ago but still a favourite.
Two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says
'So how do you drive this thing ?' |
Tommy Cooper special
A man walks into a greengrocer's and says, I want five pounds of potatoes please.
And the greengrocer says, we only sell kilos.
So the man says, all right then, I'll have five pounds of kilos. | |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 10:04 - Sep 5 with 4807 views | Oldsmoker |
Oldie but goldie.
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a pub.
The barman says "Is this a joke?" |  |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 10:13 - Sep 5 with 4770 views | Woolfenthen |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 10:04 - Sep 5 by Oldsmoker |
Oldie but goldie.
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a pub.
The barman says "Is this a joke?" |
My mate used to date Fatima Whitbread until she chucked him |  | | |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 10:29 - Sep 5 with 4668 views | vinceg |
Young lad asks his dad, "why is my sister called Teresa?"
Dad replies "because your mum loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram"
Lad says "oh I see, thanks dad".
"No problem Alan" |  | | |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 10:30 - Sep 5 with 4644 views | FrimleyBlue |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 09:30 - Sep 5 by NthQldITFC |
I went and saw my doctor the other day, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you." |
Sounds like you had a difficult Monday. |  |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 10:41 - Sep 5 with 4621 views | Deano69 |
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
When I asked the guy behind the counter where to find them, he replied they had been out of stock for a month, but sold 6 pairs last week. |  |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 12:23 - Sep 5 with 4508 views | OldFart71 |
Liverpudlian takes his family to the zoo and asks the zoo keeper Giraffe a giraffe ?
Irish family go on a self catering holiday and go home half way through the week because they don't like the food.
Mate of mine thought sugar diabetes was a welsh boxer.
Man goes to the doctors. Doctor say's how can I help you ? man say's I'm a bit concern about these voices coming from my underpants. Doc say's "Don't worry it's just talking bollicks"
Man goes to the doctor and say's doc I have excessive wind. The doctor gave him a kite. | | | |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 12:29 - Sep 5 with 4501 views | IndependentlyBlue |
Penguin walks into a bar and asks
‘Has my brother been in?’
Barman replies
‘Dunno, what’s he look like?’ |  |
| Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 12:54 - Sep 5 with 4417 views | VanSaParody |
Actor Daniel Day-Lewis had his online groceries delivered
There were no subs, but the driver said he was lucky to get the coconut bakery product, as they were
The Last of the Macaroons |  | | |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 12:56 - Sep 5 with 4410 views | DropCliffsNotBombs |
Conor Chaplin walked into a bar and approached an attractive lady. 'Grab your coat, you're coming home with me'.
'Blimey, you're a little forward'. |  | | |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 13:03 - Sep 5 with 4302 views | VanSaParody |
Elton John (not his real name)'s husband wanted to know how much he could sell his car online for, so he entered his Reg | | | |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 13:04 - Sep 5 with 4285 views | VanSaParody |
Does Hungary have hippo's? | | | |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 13:07 - Sep 5 with 4267 views | VanSaParody |
Saw a small billboard/poster for a tribute band, it said:
"Tonight, Live at Kingdom Hall...Bon Jehovi"
Israeli Take That Tribute band rocked by departure of Rabbi Williams
There's a modern country music tribute act called Johnny Crypto | | | |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 13:10 - Sep 5 with 4219 views | VanSaParody |
From a freedom of Information release, it has emerged an Italian tabloid sent 4 prostitutes backstage at the 1970 Isle of Wight Festival, but on leaving Jimi Hendrix's dressing room, they were told they were only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off
Prostitution: Blow that for a job | | | |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 13:17 - Sep 5 with 4169 views | VanSaParody |
What was found amid plane wreckage near lead singer Ronnie Van Zant?
Lynyrd Skynyrd's ynnyrds
Sorry, dreadfully poor taste | | | |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 13:25 - Sep 5 with 4096 views | bazza |
I went to the doctors and said doctor, I think I’m going death, he said what are the symptoms, I said a yellow family who live in Springfield. |  | | |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 13:28 - Sep 5 with 4075 views | VanSaParody |
How some words have similar derivatives/meanings, like:
Semite/antisemite
Like Marmite - you either love it or hate it
When the river Test in Hampshire's waterfall freezes, do you get Testicles?
Saw a small group of Sir Bobby Charlton lookalikes at the seaside...I think they were beach comb overs
I bet all the geriatrics in-Continent-al Europe would rather be a youth in Asia
FedEx are to merge with UPS & become FedUPS
I painted my fence at the weekend, I'm really good at karate now
I saw a mythical horned horse with a satchel
It must have been a school unicorn
Assassins practice on mime artists, as they're often safely behind glass
Anyone who "ticks all the boxes" shouldn't be allowed to vote
Do Selfridge's sell fridges? | | | |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 13:34 - Sep 5 with 3988 views | VanSaParody |
Going to start a niche new business in UAE hosting parties for returning dive expeditions & call it
Scuba Dubai Do's
sign at a church car park:
All Souls Private Car Park
It's NOT for "All Souls" then, is it?
Keir Starmer's been banned from all orchestras
All he wants to do is smash the gongs
Keir Starmer will stop the boats, by stopping people even boarding them in the first place:
by smashing the gangways
Where in the stadium is Keir Starmer's favourite seat?
Tier two
Tell you what floats my boat: Archimedes principle
You've heard of: Too Good To Be True & I Can't Believe It's Not Butter...
I've got one:
Feck Me If This Ain't A Can O' Beans | | | |
| TWTD Joke Day?? on 13:35 - Sep 5 with 3964 views | SaleAway |
Why don't blind people sky dive....
scares the s*** out of the dog | |
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| TWTD Joke Day?? on 13:54 - Sep 5 with 3870 views | OldFart71 |
A young American Indian goes to his father and say's "Father how did I get my name" Father replies "Well when a child is born we look out from our teepee at the beautiful surroundings and then name the child after what we see, like Two rivers, Crazy horse, Sitting Bull" " Why do you ask two dogs having a f**k ?" | | | |
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