| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app 14:33 - Dec 17 with 7926 views | The_Flashing_Smile |
Should men compliment/chat up women?
The context is an Amazon delivery driver asking a woman he was delivering a parcel to if she's single as she's beautiful.
The majority on there (essentially nosey neighbours with an app) want him strung up, police involved, sacked etc. (during a pandemic, nice!) While I can understand the woman felt intimidated and vulnerable, it'd be a sad world we live in if a guy can't tell a woman he fancies her with a view to a date etc. Are we left with dating apps as the only acceptable way to meet people now?
Hard for me as a man, though, to understand what it's like being harassed by sleazy blokes trying it on. Particularly in an employee/customer situation.
It's a tricky one IMO.
Certainly, years ago, it seemed most couples met through work. I imagine that's massively down now for fear of losing your job at a disciplinary hearing!
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 15:59 - Dec 17 with 2131 views | Dyland |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 15:52 - Dec 17 by jeera |
I suppose, but the guy might not be a serial asker outer in that fashion. He might have fallen at first sight and figured it was worth a go.
Although it's equally possible he watches them for days first with binoculars first.
That's still ok right? |
Aye and most likely she wouldn't have given a sh1te anyway! Nonetheless, it's deffo misconduct cos in the few instances someone would feel uncomfortable, that's a big deal for her, being the fact this total stranger is at her home. She doesn't even need to feel overtly threatened for it to be an issue. So even if the majority of women may not give a sh1t, it just isn't something where one can play the odds re company standards of behaviour. |  |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:01 - Dec 17 with 2121 views | jeera |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 15:48 - Dec 17 by Dyland |
"when I was a kid you sent a girl flowers with a contact number to her works/home/wherever. It was considered romantic and worth a shot."
Of course. But some bird from school or who worked at the corner shop. Not someone who you have literally just seen for the first time, at their front door :) |
Again, I wasn't there so it's hard to tell isn't it.
The OP says the fella's paid a compliment and asked if she's single.
If she'd just opened the door and he'd opened with, "So, what you wearing under that then luv?" or "Oi loike yoo Oi do", then report him to his firm by all means.
If you've struck up a chat you might want to suggest something to see if there's a spark of interest but, dunno buh.
I could never understand how blokes thought shouting to women in the street and seeing who could whistle at them the loudest would be a good idea but they did it anyway. [Post edited 17 Dec 2020 16:06]
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| I constantly get chatted up..... on 16:04 - Dec 17 with 2118 views | Bloots |
....and propositioned by women (and men).
I'm quite comfortable with it, it's something I've had to deal with for decades now, so I just got used to it.
If it becomes too much I just stay away from the general public for a while and don't put myself in a position where it carries on.
It's not easy being so hot. |  |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:06 - Dec 17 with 2106 views | Dyland |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:01 - Dec 17 by jeera |
Again, I wasn't there so it's hard to tell isn't it.
The OP says the fella's paid a compliment and asked if she's single.
If she'd just opened the door and he'd opened with, "So, what you wearing under that then luv?" or "Oi loike yoo Oi do", then report him to his firm by all means.
If you've struck up a chat you might want to suggest something to see if there's a spark of interest but, dunno buh.
I could never understand how blokes thought shouting to women in the street and seeing who could whistle at them the loudest would be a good idea but they did it anyway. [Post edited 17 Dec 2020 16:06]
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Being shouted in the street ain't the same as a totally random stranger asking you out on your doorstep.
As you say, if it's a more subtle chat-up and casual convo, nowt wrong with that. This bloke basically asked her out. | |
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| I constantly get chatted up..... on 16:07 - Dec 17 with 2096 views | footers |
| I constantly get chatted up..... on 16:04 - Dec 17 by Bloots |
....and propositioned by women (and men).
I'm quite comfortable with it, it's something I've had to deal with for decades now, so I just got used to it.
If it becomes too much I just stay away from the general public for a while and don't put myself in a position where it carries on.
It's not easy being so hot. |
Still haven't replied to my PM. |  |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:08 - Dec 17 with 2083 views | lowhouseblue |
"the woman felt intimidated and vulnerable"
isn't that all you need to know? mr amazon driver needs to put some more work into choosing occasions when it might be welcomed. he also needs some better lines. |  |
| And so as the loose-bowelled pigeon of time swoops low over the unsuspecting tourist of destiny, and the flatulent skunk of fate wanders into the air-conditioning system of eternity, I notice it's the end of the show |
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| I constantly get chatted up..... on 16:10 - Dec 17 with 2091 views | hoppy |
| I constantly get chatted up..... on 16:07 - Dec 17 by footers |
Still haven't replied to my PM. |
I think he sent it to me by accident.
I was disgusted with what he was replying to. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Mind you, his response might be encouraging for you. Good luck and enjoy. |  |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:12 - Dec 17 with 2080 views | jeera |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:06 - Dec 17 by Dyland |
Being shouted in the street ain't the same as a totally random stranger asking you out on your doorstep.
As you say, if it's a more subtle chat-up and casual convo, nowt wrong with that. This bloke basically asked her out. |
It's not the ideal environment to meet someone new for sure.
I grew up on the markets and in shops selling clothing so met people all day every day. If a certain person came by 2/3 weeks in a row you got to know them and it was the perfect opportunity to spark up conversation.
In the summer months, best job in the world. | |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:14 - Dec 17 with 2071 views | jeera |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:08 - Dec 17 by lowhouseblue |
"the woman felt intimidated and vulnerable"
isn't that all you need to know? mr amazon driver needs to put some more work into choosing occasions when it might be welcomed. he also needs some better lines. |
If that had been a delivery from Ebay, I'd have just been happy my stuff had turned up. | |
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| I constantly get chatted up..... on 16:15 - Dec 17 with 2078 views | factual_blue |
| I constantly get chatted up..... on 16:04 - Dec 17 by Bloots |
....and propositioned by women (and men).
I'm quite comfortable with it, it's something I've had to deal with for decades now, so I just got used to it.
If it becomes too much I just stay away from the general public for a while and don't put myself in a position where it carries on.
It's not easy being so hot. |
You are to be praised for spending so much time with the blind community. |  |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:16 - Dec 17 with 2061 views | hoppy |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:12 - Dec 17 by jeera |
It's not the ideal environment to meet someone new for sure.
I grew up on the markets and in shops selling clothing so met people all day every day. If a certain person came by 2/3 weeks in a row you got to know them and it was the perfect opportunity to spark up conversation.
In the summer months, best job in the world. |
And we don't know from the OP whether she'd been ordering loads of stuff from Amazon, and therefore could have had this delivery driver several times previously, or if it was the first time he'd delivered to her address.
If the first time, definitely creepy. If several previous deliveries to her, still a bit creepy, but maybe he was making more conversation than their usual exchanges.
I'm not condoning it, just putting a few more thoughts in there. | |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:19 - Dec 17 with 2048 views | footers |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:16 - Dec 17 by hoppy |
And we don't know from the OP whether she'd been ordering loads of stuff from Amazon, and therefore could have had this delivery driver several times previously, or if it was the first time he'd delivered to her address.
If the first time, definitely creepy. If several previous deliveries to her, still a bit creepy, but maybe he was making more conversation than their usual exchanges.
I'm not condoning it, just putting a few more thoughts in there. |
You don't tend to get the same delivery drivers here more than once in Londonistan. Unless it is from, say, an excellent curry house and then you will become the best of friends very quickly. | |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:22 - Dec 17 with 2046 views | jeera |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:16 - Dec 17 by hoppy |
And we don't know from the OP whether she'd been ordering loads of stuff from Amazon, and therefore could have had this delivery driver several times previously, or if it was the first time he'd delivered to her address.
If the first time, definitely creepy. If several previous deliveries to her, still a bit creepy, but maybe he was making more conversation than their usual exchanges.
I'm not condoning it, just putting a few more thoughts in there. |
That's what I was saying, it's not clear and the guy might have been innocently taken in by her and misread some signs.
I have always been rubbish at spotting signs.
A friend of my sister once gave me her mobile number, her email address and even her parents' home number because she was temporarily staying with them. I remember thinking 'what a nice thing to do' as she wandered off and often wondered why I never heard from her again.
My sister told me at later date that "Alley says when I see you to tell you you're a sh1t." | |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:36 - Dec 17 with 2034 views | Ftnfwest |
He may also have been on the autistic spectrum for all we know, in which case to him she would be straightforwardly beautiful so why not say it? |  | | |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:37 - Dec 17 with 2014 views | MonkeyAlan |
The world has gone mad. |  | | |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:39 - Dec 17 with 2016 views | GeoffSentence |
I get that all the time. |  |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:50 - Dec 17 with 1995 views | StochesStotasBlewe |
When i first spotted the current Mrs Pinewood across a crowded room, i smiled and walked across to where she was standing looking radient, pint of Adnams in one hand, Embassy in the other.
"Fine arse", i said with all the charm of a dinosaurs hemmorrhoids.*
We've been married 11 years.
*I,m still receiving dental treatment to this day. |  |
| We have no village green, or a shop.
It's very, very quiet.
I can walk to the pub. |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 17:14 - Dec 17 with 1965 views | CBBlue |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:08 - Dec 17 by lowhouseblue |
"the woman felt intimidated and vulnerable"
isn't that all you need to know? mr amazon driver needs to put some more work into choosing occasions when it might be welcomed. he also needs some better lines. |
Absolutely! As a woman the 'beautiful' comment is a bit creepy but the asking if she was single is the type of creepy that would make me feel very very uncomfortable especially as he knows where I lived. |  |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 17:22 - Dec 17 with 1958 views | Keno |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 16:50 - Dec 17 by StochesStotasBlewe |
When i first spotted the current Mrs Pinewood across a crowded room, i smiled and walked across to where she was standing looking radient, pint of Adnams in one hand, Embassy in the other.
"Fine arse", i said with all the charm of a dinosaurs hemmorrhoids.*
We've been married 11 years.
*I,m still receiving dental treatment to this day. |
But does Mrs P still have a 'fine arse'? |  |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 17:25 - Dec 17 with 1956 views | The_Flashing_Smile |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 15:37 - Dec 17 by Dyland |
How is that "through work" (in the sense I think you're talking about)?
I'm a completely unreconstructed middle aged middle class honky from Essex/Suffolk and even I think that is 100% unacceptable. If it had been the other way round, the customer making a comment to the delivery driver, less of a big deal, though these days that may also be frowned upon I guess. Making that comment to the person at their home is way out of line, and probably a sacking offence unless no previous disciplinary record. |
Because that's a delivery driver's version of "through work"? The people he meets are mostly people receiving packages.
As I've said I am playing devil's advocate here, but blimey, you think he should be sacked? Seems very harsh to me. | |
| Trust the process. Trust Phil. |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 17:29 - Dec 17 with 1948 views | The_Flashing_Smile |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 15:40 - Dec 17 by Dyland |
"What if she fancied him as well? It's basically two strangers meeting - the stuff of a hundred romantic movies."
LOL. What if she doesn't!
She's at home. More the stuff of a hundred stalker/psycho/slasher movies innit.
I know you're not condoning it ;) |
So if she's not at home it's alright? Remember those old Impulse perfume ads where a guy buys a bunch of flowers and hands then to the pretty girl walking through the market? Would that not be acceptable now?
Like I say, it's a tough one, and more nuanced than "he's a perve, it's a disgrace, sack him/arrest him." | |
| Trust the process. Trust Phil. |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 17:31 - Dec 17 with 1939 views | StochesStotasBlewe |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 17:22 - Dec 17 by Keno |
But does Mrs P still have a 'fine arse'? |
Absolutely  | |
| We have no village green, or a shop.
It's very, very quiet.
I can walk to the pub. |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 17:32 - Dec 17 with 1942 views | The_Flashing_Smile |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 15:52 - Dec 17 by clive_baker |
I think it really depends on whether he had his d1ck in his hand while he was saying it. That's not the sort of package she was expecting.
Nah, feels a bit inappropriate to me to accost a lady on her doorstep. |
"Accost"?!
He just said his line, she said she has a husband, and he left (with his tail between his legs). That was it. | |
| Trust the process. Trust Phil. |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 17:33 - Dec 17 with 1938 views | jeera |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 17:29 - Dec 17 by The_Flashing_Smile |
So if she's not at home it's alright? Remember those old Impulse perfume ads where a guy buys a bunch of flowers and hands then to the pretty girl walking through the market? Would that not be acceptable now?
Like I say, it's a tough one, and more nuanced than "he's a perve, it's a disgrace, sack him/arrest him." |
Like you say it's not necessarily straightforward.
He might just be socially awkward.
Which is something plenty of us on here should at least be able to relate to!
Of course he might equally be planning on returning later on and putting her pet cat on gas mark 7 for an hour and a half. | |
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| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 17:33 - Dec 17 with 1938 views | The_Flashing_Smile |
| Big debate raging on our local Nextdoor app on 15:59 - Dec 17 by Dyland |
Aye and most likely she wouldn't have given a sh1te anyway! Nonetheless, it's deffo misconduct cos in the few instances someone would feel uncomfortable, that's a big deal for her, being the fact this total stranger is at her home. She doesn't even need to feel overtly threatened for it to be an issue. So even if the majority of women may not give a sh1t, it just isn't something where one can play the odds re company standards of behaviour. |
Yeah those are fair points. So her being at home is the main issue, and I can see why that would be an issue. | |
| Trust the process. Trust Phil. |
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