| Dog dilemma 11:36 - May 9 with 4561 views | GlasgowBlue |
About a year ago one of my 19 year old daughters boyfriend couldn’t afford to maintain his flat. So we let him stay with us until he was on his feet.
In February the pair of them told us that they wanted a dog. The boyfriend had grown up around dogs all his life and would 100% look after it, walk it and feed it.
I was reluctant but it was on the promise that he was saving for a new flat and it would only be fir another six months. Mrs GB and I were reluctant,, but my youngest daughter hadn’t had the best couple of years and although we’ve never had a dog, she is dog daft so we thought that a dog in house would be positive for her. So they bought a Sprocker Spaniel.
Anyhoo. Having a dog was like having a baby. My 19 year old started to feel like an old married woman and wanted to be out partying, not living with her boyfriend in a couple of our rooms and having the responsibility of looking after a dog. The boyfriend got a new job which meant he couldn’t look after the dog and they ended up splitting up. With the boyfriend moving back in with his mother. This was a month ago.
Now, the dog had been with us for a couple of months, my youngest daughter had formed a bond and he’d become part of the family. So we made an arrangement that we’d dog share and have him for three or four nights. But those three of four nights turned into a week and now the ex boyfriend has said his mother has too much on to have another dog in the house so he doesn’t want him back.
We have 4 kids, two at uni, another at 19 and my youngest most likely going to uni in a couple of years.
We are both in our mid and late fifties. We had planned for a quieter life. Spend more quality time on our own. See a bit more of the world. Now we have a responsibility to look this dog for the next 20 years. It may outlive me.
We have to think about who can look after him when we go on holiday. We have to make arrangements for care when we are at work. We didn’t plan for this or ask for this.
The easiest thing to to would be fine him a home with people that will care for him. But we’ve now had him in the house for three months and he is very much part of the family. We just couldn’t give him away. It would be heartbreaking.
What to do? [Post edited 9 May 2022 11:39]
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| Dog dilemma on 13:11 - May 9 with 870 views | blue62 |
| Dog dilemma on 11:42 - May 9 by GlasgowBlue |
Yep. That’s about the gist of it.
But maybe some doggy people can advise me whether it’s going to be too much for us or whether it’s something that wont impact on us as much as I think. |
Honestly I dont think you will regret keeping the dog, yes its an expense when you go away but they do make you get out for a walk every day which is great.
I lost my dog just before Christmas and miss it so much, luckily we still have another.
They do impact your life big style but lots of positives. For when you are working do you have space to build a kennel? As long as its safe they are fine outside for the day. |  | | |
| Dog dilemma on 13:20 - May 9 with 852 views | Ryorry |
| Dog dilemma on 13:11 - May 9 by blue62 |
Honestly I dont think you will regret keeping the dog, yes its an expense when you go away but they do make you get out for a walk every day which is great.
I lost my dog just before Christmas and miss it so much, luckily we still have another.
They do impact your life big style but lots of positives. For when you are working do you have space to build a kennel? As long as its safe they are fine outside for the day. |
Sorry, but pet dogs really shouldn't be left on their own all day - Dogs Trust, RSPCA etc usually recommend a max time of 4 hours iirc. |  |
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| Dog dilemma on 13:30 - May 9 with 836 views | Illinoisblue |
| Dog dilemma on 12:52 - May 9 by The_Flashing_Smile |
The first mistake was giving in to a teenage couple who wanted a dog but couldn't maintain a flat. A. Because teenage couples are very likely to split up and B. Because the BF had raised a red flag in his ability to maintain things.
Apologies, but not much help to Glassers now! I agree with J2 as the best solution... |
Feel bad for glassers as he’s tried, as parents do, to do the right thing but now he’s having to pay for those good intentions. |  |
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| Dog dilemma on 13:34 - May 9 with 831 views | StochesStotasBlewe |
Nearly 11 years ago, Mrs SSB and her 3 teenage kids wanted a puppy. I was against the idea knowing full well that I would end up looking after it.
After the puppy was collected, they all cooed over the little doe eyed ball of fluff until it was ready to be able to be walked in all weathers, groomed, taken to the vet and all the general love and affection she needs and gives back in bucket fulls. She’s been my (almost) constant companion ever since. Luckily, I can take her to work with me so that’s been a massive help.
It needs a different outlook on how you do the other day to day things in your life, but I’m so glad to have her in my life and have met so many great people on our ventures out.
I guess what I’m saying GlasgowBlue is there are many challenges in looking after a dog, but the rewards and benefits far outweigh them.
Good luck. |  |
| We have no village green, or a shop.
It's very, very quiet.
I can walk to the pub. |
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| Dog dilemma on 13:44 - May 9 with 814 views | J2BLUE |
| Dog dilemma on 13:20 - May 9 by Ryorry |
Sorry, but pet dogs really shouldn't be left on their own all day - Dogs Trust, RSPCA etc usually recommend a max time of 4 hours iirc. |
That's insane. I completely believe they say that but that doesn't sound very realistic. |  |
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| Dog dilemma on 13:52 - May 9 with 795 views | Ryorry |
| Dog dilemma on 13:34 - May 9 by StochesStotasBlewe |
Nearly 11 years ago, Mrs SSB and her 3 teenage kids wanted a puppy. I was against the idea knowing full well that I would end up looking after it.
After the puppy was collected, they all cooed over the little doe eyed ball of fluff until it was ready to be able to be walked in all weathers, groomed, taken to the vet and all the general love and affection she needs and gives back in bucket fulls. She’s been my (almost) constant companion ever since. Luckily, I can take her to work with me so that’s been a massive help.
It needs a different outlook on how you do the other day to day things in your life, but I’m so glad to have her in my life and have met so many great people on our ventures out.
I guess what I’m saying GlasgowBlue is there are many challenges in looking after a dog, but the rewards and benefits far outweigh them.
Good luck. |
They do require significant chunks of time & dosh (as well as love & company obviously), but as you say, they repay you x 1,000.
Your comment that "have met so many great people on our ventures out" struck a particular chord with me - when I moved house to our current location a few years back, I met someone walking my mutt on day 1 - our dogs "introduced" themselves & thereby us! he was a near neighbour, invited me over for coffee with himself & his wife a few days later. They invited a couple of other neighbours along too, & within a week I think I'd met just about everyone else in the village with a dog (which is most of them!) either through them or meeting others out walking theirs. The dog community really is an incredibly friendly one! | |
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| Dog dilemma on 13:59 - May 9 with 778 views | Ryorry |
| Dog dilemma on 13:44 - May 9 by J2BLUE |
That's insane. I completely believe they say that but that doesn't sound very realistic. |
Perfectly sensible from the dogs' point of view.
People who can't organise their lives to arrange suitable care so dogs aren't on their tods for 8 hours at a time shouldn't have dogs, basically. | |
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| Dog dilemma on 14:01 - May 9 with 771 views | J2BLUE |
| Dog dilemma on 13:59 - May 9 by Ryorry |
Perfectly sensible from the dogs' point of view.
People who can't organise their lives to arrange suitable care so dogs aren't on their tods for 8 hours at a time shouldn't have dogs, basically. |
I can't imagine living my life tied to that sort of commitment.
As you say, not cut out to be a dog owner but even so, 4 hours is incredible. | |
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| Dog dilemma on 14:03 - May 9 with 778 views | blueasfook |
| Dog dilemma on 13:59 - May 9 by Ryorry |
Perfectly sensible from the dogs' point of view.
People who can't organise their lives to arrange suitable care so dogs aren't on their tods for 8 hours at a time shouldn't have dogs, basically. |
Agree. You need to be around for your doggie. Otherwise it's not fair to keep one. Dogs suffer seperation anxiety and are stressed if left alone too long. |  |
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| Dog dilemma on 14:15 - May 9 with 753 views | Ewan_Oozami |
| Dog dilemma on 12:43 - May 9 by BlueBadger |
With working breeds, taking them to something like agility training once or twice a week can make a great deal of difference, even if you have no intention of completing at it. |
Thanks BB, It's something we've looked at doing, will probably get something sorted in the summer |  |
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| Dog dilemma on 14:19 - May 9 with 749 views | GlasgowBlue |
Thanks for the comments and advice. It's a tough one but we will lay it by ear for the time being. Certainly doing a lot more walking recently. | |
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| Dog dilemma on 14:22 - May 9 with 741 views | BlueBadger |
| Dog dilemma on 14:15 - May 9 by Ewan_Oozami |
Thanks BB, It's something we've looked at doing, will probably get something sorted in the summer |
It's a lot of fun and can be surprisingly intense exercise, particularly if you walk there.
I can recommend a place locally, if you're in West Suffolk. |  |
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| Dog dilemma on 14:49 - May 9 with 722 views | Ewan_Oozami |
| Dog dilemma on 14:22 - May 9 by BlueBadger |
It's a lot of fun and can be surprisingly intense exercise, particularly if you walk there.
I can recommend a place locally, if you're in West Suffolk. |
We're in the Ipswich-Woodbridge-Debenham titanium triangle and we've been recommended Paws (Parham) or Suffolk Dog Training (Earl Soham).... | |
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| Dog dilemma on 14:57 - May 9 with 712 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
| Dog dilemma on 11:45 - May 9 by blueasfook |
Pet owership just gives you a bit of a problem when you go away. Just factor in kennel costs to any trip you are planning.
£200 for my puss to be looked after when I go away for 2 weeks in the summer. Ouch! |
Be nicer to your neighbours. |  |
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| Dog dilemma on 15:06 - May 9 with 701 views | BlueBadger |
| Dog dilemma on 14:49 - May 9 by Ewan_Oozami |
We're in the Ipswich-Woodbridge-Debenham titanium triangle and we've been recommended Paws (Parham) or Suffolk Dog Training (Earl Soham).... |
Yeah, you're probably a bit far Adrift for Ace of Glemsford who have produced a world champion and several Team GB standard handlers. | |
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| Dog dilemma on 15:23 - May 9 with 689 views | TractorWood |
| Dog dilemma on 13:11 - May 9 by blue62 |
Honestly I dont think you will regret keeping the dog, yes its an expense when you go away but they do make you get out for a walk every day which is great.
I lost my dog just before Christmas and miss it so much, luckily we still have another.
They do impact your life big style but lots of positives. For when you are working do you have space to build a kennel? As long as its safe they are fine outside for the day. |
Do not leave your dog outside all day. People do this and think they are good as gold and they end up barking all day through isolation, loneliness and fear. It's just about the least considerate thing you can do for the animal and your neighbours. |  |
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| Dog dilemma on 15:41 - May 9 with 675 views | Kropotkin123 |
An interesting discussion and one that resonates with me as my wife wanted a dog, promised to do certain things and doesn't. This led to some resentment on my side and put strain on our relationship.
Responsibility
I get the tendancy to put the blame/responsibility on your daughter and then further distance that to the ex. But it is your fault. It is your fault on at least two levels. It is your fault because you own the house, where you make the rules and you said yes. It is also your fault because being apart of that decision making for bringing another life into the household means you are 100% accountable, and the actions of the other people in this scenario do not absolve you of that responsibility.
I say this in this way because it is what I would say to myself. Eg, my wife said she would walk the dog every day before work. Yet she went months without walking it in the winter. I did it, in the cold or rain. I could blame her. But I blame me. It was my choice to say yes and the promises mean nothing, I still have the responsibility to that life.
[Re-homing]
Sounds good, sounds tempting. The hard work will just go away. In the somebody-else's-problem-field.
I was at a dog park two days ago. A bigger dog was naughty. It was territorial with a ball (my dogs) towards another dog (not mine). So this dog own hit their dog and aggressively told it off. The owner then turn to me and said "don't worry, he won't do anything to your dog"... I'm like "how do you know, when you teach your dog that violence is an acceptable way to discipline a less powerful being".
Point is, this person was a "dog-lover" and there was nothing to suggest prior that they would act like this. You giving the dog up to another person is a roll of the dice. They may end up with a better life, they may end up with a much worse life. You don't know. There are no guarantees. Taking that risk is irresponsible. I say this to myself as much as I say it to you.
Age
Your in your mid to late 50s. I hope you live long. Dogs are good for your health. Getting an hour's worth of exercise a day is going to increase your chances of not only living longer, but having a healthier life.
When you are feeling sorry for yourself, when you are cursing your luck, focus on positives like these.
holidays, care, etc
Since getting a dog I have got a new dog, and part of the negotiation with the places I interviewed was two days a week wfh. My wife also got WFH and my office is dog friendly. Something to work towards. Part of your holiday planning will be getting your dog adequate care. This could be with a dog owner friend or a paid service.
To repeat, this reply is also aimed at myself. |  |
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| Dog dilemma on 15:46 - May 9 with 666 views | The_Romford_Blue |
Keep the dog Glassers. You won’t regret it.
In two years time you will bump this thread and thank everyone for telling you to keep him because he’s part of the family. |  |
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| Dog dilemma on 15:47 - May 9 with 664 views | GlasgowBlue |
| Dog dilemma on 15:41 - May 9 by Kropotkin123 |
An interesting discussion and one that resonates with me as my wife wanted a dog, promised to do certain things and doesn't. This led to some resentment on my side and put strain on our relationship.
Responsibility
I get the tendancy to put the blame/responsibility on your daughter and then further distance that to the ex. But it is your fault. It is your fault on at least two levels. It is your fault because you own the house, where you make the rules and you said yes. It is also your fault because being apart of that decision making for bringing another life into the household means you are 100% accountable, and the actions of the other people in this scenario do not absolve you of that responsibility.
I say this in this way because it is what I would say to myself. Eg, my wife said she would walk the dog every day before work. Yet she went months without walking it in the winter. I did it, in the cold or rain. I could blame her. But I blame me. It was my choice to say yes and the promises mean nothing, I still have the responsibility to that life.
[Re-homing]
Sounds good, sounds tempting. The hard work will just go away. In the somebody-else's-problem-field.
I was at a dog park two days ago. A bigger dog was naughty. It was territorial with a ball (my dogs) towards another dog (not mine). So this dog own hit their dog and aggressively told it off. The owner then turn to me and said "don't worry, he won't do anything to your dog"... I'm like "how do you know, when you teach your dog that violence is an acceptable way to discipline a less powerful being".
Point is, this person was a "dog-lover" and there was nothing to suggest prior that they would act like this. You giving the dog up to another person is a roll of the dice. They may end up with a better life, they may end up with a much worse life. You don't know. There are no guarantees. Taking that risk is irresponsible. I say this to myself as much as I say it to you.
Age
Your in your mid to late 50s. I hope you live long. Dogs are good for your health. Getting an hour's worth of exercise a day is going to increase your chances of not only living longer, but having a healthier life.
When you are feeling sorry for yourself, when you are cursing your luck, focus on positives like these.
holidays, care, etc
Since getting a dog I have got a new dog, and part of the negotiation with the places I interviewed was two days a week wfh. My wife also got WFH and my office is dog friendly. Something to work towards. Part of your holiday planning will be getting your dog adequate care. This could be with a dog owner friend or a paid service.
To repeat, this reply is also aimed at myself. |
Your point on re-homing has been one that I have giving a lot of thought to. Our dog has never been hit or beaten. He only knows love. I wouldn't be able to sleep for worrying that he was being mistreated elsewhere.
He's an absolute tart and goes to any stranger who shops him attention. So I would imagine he would forget about us pretty quickly if he is fed and loved. But I am reluctant to take that chance. | |
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| Dog dilemma on 15:50 - May 9 with 660 views | J2BLUE |
| Dog dilemma on 15:47 - May 9 by GlasgowBlue |
Your point on re-homing has been one that I have giving a lot of thought to. Our dog has never been hit or beaten. He only knows love. I wouldn't be able to sleep for worrying that he was being mistreated elsewhere.
He's an absolute tart and goes to any stranger who shops him attention. So I would imagine he would forget about us pretty quickly if he is fed and loved. But I am reluctant to take that chance. |
His point about it being irresponsible is complete rubbish. It would be irresponsible to hand him over to anyone you suspected would mistreat him but guilt tripping yourself because it might be worse is just stupid.
You may as well tell yourself he will live the most amazing life ever and by keeping him you are being selfish. Which would clearly be equally stupid.
Not suggesting you give him away but you need to think about what is best for you and dog lovers guilt tripping you and projecting their own experiences and feelings on to you is not going to help.
Only you and your family know if it's right for you. | |
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| Dog dilemma on 16:00 - May 9 with 644 views | The_Romford_Blue |
| Dog dilemma on 15:50 - May 9 by J2BLUE |
His point about it being irresponsible is complete rubbish. It would be irresponsible to hand him over to anyone you suspected would mistreat him but guilt tripping yourself because it might be worse is just stupid.
You may as well tell yourself he will live the most amazing life ever and by keeping him you are being selfish. Which would clearly be equally stupid.
Not suggesting you give him away but you need to think about what is best for you and dog lovers guilt tripping you and projecting their own experiences and feelings on to you is not going to help.
Only you and your family know if it's right for you. |
As a general rule though, there are so many people who meet a dog in their family for whatever reason and then fast forward 3 years and they can’t imagine life without the dog. It’s incredible how they become part of the family to the extent where it’s impossible to imagine life without them.
In lockdown, me and my mates we lived with didn’t see family (asides from her sister who lived with us for 2 months) for 5 months. My dog has slept in my bed since he was a puppy but never did when I was at uni. Until that lockdown. Can only presume he thought I’d died or something because he apparently made his way back there (my scent I guess).
Never seen anything react like he did the day I returned though. Ran around in celebratory circles for about an hour bless him. Can’t imagine myself ever living life without a dog in it personally. | |
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| Dog dilemma on 16:03 - May 9 with 643 views | J2BLUE |
| Dog dilemma on 16:00 - May 9 by The_Romford_Blue |
As a general rule though, there are so many people who meet a dog in their family for whatever reason and then fast forward 3 years and they can’t imagine life without the dog. It’s incredible how they become part of the family to the extent where it’s impossible to imagine life without them.
In lockdown, me and my mates we lived with didn’t see family (asides from her sister who lived with us for 2 months) for 5 months. My dog has slept in my bed since he was a puppy but never did when I was at uni. Until that lockdown. Can only presume he thought I’d died or something because he apparently made his way back there (my scent I guess).
Never seen anything react like he did the day I returned though. Ran around in celebratory circles for about an hour bless him. Can’t imagine myself ever living life without a dog in it personally. |
That's lovely, no argument with that at all.
Important to remember GB didn't ask for this though and not everyone loves dogs so really has to be a choice for him and his family. Sounds like he's edging your way anyway which is great, good luck to him. | |
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| Dog dilemma on 16:13 - May 9 with 627 views | The_Romford_Blue |
| Dog dilemma on 16:03 - May 9 by J2BLUE |
That's lovely, no argument with that at all.
Important to remember GB didn't ask for this though and not everyone loves dogs so really has to be a choice for him and his family. Sounds like he's edging your way anyway which is great, good luck to him. |
Whilst I totally see what you’re saying, it was this part of the OP that was most important for me:
‘But we’ve now had him in the house for three months and he is very much part of the family. We just couldn’t give him away. It would be heartbreaking.’. | |
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| Dog dilemma on 16:16 - May 9 with 624 views | textbackup |
I get so pissed off when I see young couples get a dog.
They have no idea what they are doing and only want the thing for Instagram pictures, not the twice daily walks in sht weather.
Boils my piss.
Keep the dog. Dogs are a million times better than humans |  |
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| Dog dilemma on 16:17 - May 9 with 625 views | Meadowlark |
I wouldn't worry about it. It seems that it's compulsory these days to own a dog and not look after it properly. Whether it's locking it in the house all day, having it run around the garden barking all hours of the day and night, jumping up at non dog owners (yes, there are still a few) when out walking or worrying livestock in the countryside and crapping everywhere.
I know there might be some dog owners who are responsible, but I think the majority couldn't care less about the welfare of their canine pet.
Controversial?
They should bring back the dog licence and make it £100.00 per dog per year.
I know this doesn't solve your dilemma, but it allowed me to rant about dog owners for a minute or two. |  | | |
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