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Dog dilemma 11:36 - May 9 with 4547 viewsGlasgowBlue

About a year ago one of my 19 year old daughters boyfriend couldn’t afford to maintain his flat. So we let him stay with us until he was on his feet.

In February the pair of them told us that they wanted a dog. The boyfriend had grown up around dogs all his life and would 100% look after it, walk it and feed it.

I was reluctant but it was on the promise that he was saving for a new flat and it would only be fir another six months. Mrs GB and I were reluctant,, but my youngest daughter hadn’t had the best couple of years and although we’ve never had a dog, she is dog daft so we thought that a dog in house would be positive for her. So they bought a Sprocker Spaniel.

Anyhoo. Having a dog was like having a baby. My 19 year old started to feel like an old married woman and wanted to be out partying, not living with her boyfriend in a couple of our rooms and having the responsibility of looking after a dog. The boyfriend got a new job which meant he couldn’t look after the dog and they ended up splitting up. With the boyfriend moving back in with his mother. This was a month ago.

Now, the dog had been with us for a couple of months, my youngest daughter had formed a bond and he’d become part of the family. So we made an arrangement that we’d dog share and have him for three or four nights. But those three of four nights turned into a week and now the ex boyfriend has said his mother has too much on to have another dog in the house so he doesn’t want him back.

We have 4 kids, two at uni, another at 19 and my youngest most likely going to uni in a couple of years.

We are both in our mid and late fifties. We had planned for a quieter life. Spend more quality time on our own. See a bit more of the world. Now we have a responsibility to look this dog for the next 20 years. It may outlive me.

We have to think about who can look after him when we go on holiday. We have to make arrangements for care when we are at work. We didn’t plan for this or ask for this.

The easiest thing to to would be fine him a home with people that will care for him. But we’ve now had him in the house for three months and he is very much part of the family. We just couldn’t give him away. It would be heartbreaking.

What to do?
[Post edited 9 May 2022 11:39]

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Dog dilemma on 11:39 - May 9 with 2678 viewsEwan_Oozami

Keep the dog, you won't regret it...

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Dog dilemma on 11:41 - May 9 with 2666 viewsJ2BLUE

It's a bit harsh but not sure buying a dog was a great idea for someone who couldn't maintain the basics for themselves.

Your post seems to be asking for approval that it would be 'ok' to do it but then you say you couldn't give him away and he's family which would suggest you already know he's staying.

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Dog dilemma on 11:42 - May 9 with 2646 viewsGlasgowBlue

Dog dilemma on 11:41 - May 9 by J2BLUE

It's a bit harsh but not sure buying a dog was a great idea for someone who couldn't maintain the basics for themselves.

Your post seems to be asking for approval that it would be 'ok' to do it but then you say you couldn't give him away and he's family which would suggest you already know he's staying.


Yep. That’s about the gist of it.

But maybe some doggy people can advise me whether it’s going to be too much for us or whether it’s something that wont impact on us as much as I think.

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Dog dilemma on 11:45 - May 9 with 2622 viewsblueasfook

Dog dilemma on 11:42 - May 9 by GlasgowBlue

Yep. That’s about the gist of it.

But maybe some doggy people can advise me whether it’s going to be too much for us or whether it’s something that wont impact on us as much as I think.


Pet owership just gives you a bit of a problem when you go away. Just factor in kennel costs to any trip you are planning.

£200 for my puss to be looked after when I go away for 2 weeks in the summer. Ouch!

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Dog dilemma on 11:45 - May 9 with 2608 viewsKeno

Dog dilemma on 11:42 - May 9 by GlasgowBlue

Yep. That’s about the gist of it.

But maybe some doggy people can advise me whether it’s going to be too much for us or whether it’s something that wont impact on us as much as I think.


its a toughy

All I would consider id are there people who can look after the dog when you arent around so that you can still do what you want to do and know it'll be ok

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Dog dilemma on 11:46 - May 9 with 2605 viewsLord_Lucan

I could never be without a dog but I would also not have one if we couldn't look after it - so you are between a rock and a hard place.

The trouble also with that breed is they need a LOT of human attention and exercise.

To be honest, as much as you'll miss it, have a think if you know someone who could take it in - preferably on a farm!

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Dog dilemma on 11:47 - May 9 with 2595 viewsRyorry

Terribly difficult one, and only you/your wife & family can really know the answer tbh.

These days there are many good doggie-day-care centres around the country which offer fun-filled activities ; also good (and verified) dog walkers, boarding kennels for when you're at work, on hol etc - but they are all very expensive, so those options depend on how deep your pockets are.

If you opt for dog-walker/s, check how many dogs they walk at a time - imho more than 3 is unacceptable.

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Dog dilemma on 12:01 - May 9 with 2534 viewsBlueandTruesince82

Tell the daughter it's her dog and she can

A. Look after it like a big girl
B. Work out with the ex how they want looknafter it between them
C. Tell her if she can't to A or B that.....
D. Doggo is getting a new home.

Solved.

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Dog dilemma on 12:07 - May 9 with 2493 viewsFtnfwest

Dog dilemma on 11:42 - May 9 by GlasgowBlue

Yep. That’s about the gist of it.

But maybe some doggy people can advise me whether it’s going to be too much for us or whether it’s something that wont impact on us as much as I think.


We've got a now 4 year old cocker spaniel which is our first dog (we're in our 50's). Mainly because of the pandemic we've only been abroad once in that time in 2019 to Portugal for a week and we had a local lady look after him pretty cheaply. We don't often go abroad anyway and if away in this country take him along anyway. So basically if you're pony trekking in the Dordogne every 5 minutes it's certainly going to be a bit of an expense as others have mentioned but not insurmountable for him if other family members at home to look after him - they need a lot of time walking which is the main commitment i've found but very much a part of the family.
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Dog dilemma on 12:09 - May 9 with 2484 viewsJ2BLUE

Dog dilemma on 12:01 - May 9 by BlueandTruesince82

Tell the daughter it's her dog and she can

A. Look after it like a big girl
B. Work out with the ex how they want looknafter it between them
C. Tell her if she can't to A or B that.....
D. Doggo is getting a new home.

Solved.


Or, you could tell her that when you go on holiday it's her job to look after it.

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Dog dilemma on 12:14 - May 9 with 2473 viewsFixed_It

Firstly, that's pretty bad form from the ex-boyfriend. Especially as he and his family are 'dog people'!
I love my dogs and wouldn't be without them - but they are a big responsibility and do limit you in terms of going away/travel etc.
If you are not really dog people yourselves, that might be a compromise you are not willing to make - especially as you will be looking forward to more freedom as the kids get older and (presumably) retirement is on the horizon.
But at the end of the day, only you can make that decision. If you can find someone willing to.look after him whilst you are away, then you can have the best of both worlds. We look after a friend's Lab when he goes away, and it works well in our situation.

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Dog dilemma on 12:18 - May 9 with 2428 viewsGavTWTD

Dog dilemma on 12:09 - May 9 by J2BLUE

Or, you could tell her that when you go on holiday it's her job to look after it.


This seems the best option to me, and they can't really say no.

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Dog dilemma on 12:22 - May 9 with 2398 viewsEwan_Oozami

Dog dilemma on 11:42 - May 9 by GlasgowBlue

Yep. That’s about the gist of it.

But maybe some doggy people can advise me whether it’s going to be too much for us or whether it’s something that wont impact on us as much as I think.


It will impact on you (as others have said on the thread), but you'll find that once, you start getting out walking the dog, you'll meet plenty of other doggie people locally who'll be able to advise on the best vet, kennel, day-care, etc.

We've had our mad labrador for nearly two years and we've met a whole load of new people with dogs on our walks...

Just don't expect a quite life though, those spaniels are crazy!

EDIT: - oh and find yourself a good dog traineri f you can, that is definitely money well spent, our lab had a few sessions while still young (6-12 months) and they were very beneficial...

[Post edited 9 May 2022 12:24]

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Dog dilemma on 12:24 - May 9 with 2379 viewsitfcjoe

I'm sure the dog would be fine if re-homed - but question is can you do it?

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Dog dilemma on 12:24 - May 9 with 2379 viewsRyorry

Dog dilemma on 12:18 - May 9 by GavTWTD

This seems the best option to me, and they can't really say no.


Might not be a great idea to have someone looking after the dog who doesn't really want to tho?

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Dog dilemma on 12:28 - May 9 with 2356 viewsJ2BLUE

Dog dilemma on 12:24 - May 9 by Ryorry

Might not be a great idea to have someone looking after the dog who doesn't really want to tho?


She wanted the dog. Surely the odd week or two of looking it after it is getting away lightly? Maybe she will love it and not want to give it back.

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Dog dilemma on 12:36 - May 9 with 2322 viewsRyorry

Dog dilemma on 12:28 - May 9 by J2BLUE

She wanted the dog. Surely the odd week or two of looking it after it is getting away lightly? Maybe she will love it and not want to give it back.


From the dog's point of view, it's whether she's prepared to look after it responsibly & properly now that matters, not what she wanted back then (when she was with her fella, who I understand it initiated the idea, so she might well have changed her mind now).

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Dog dilemma on 12:42 - May 9 with 2291 viewsJ2BLUE

Dog dilemma on 12:36 - May 9 by Ryorry

From the dog's point of view, it's whether she's prepared to look after it responsibly & properly now that matters, not what she wanted back then (when she was with her fella, who I understand it initiated the idea, so she might well have changed her mind now).


Of course but she still needs to take some responsibility.

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Dog dilemma on 12:43 - May 9 with 2286 viewsBlueBadger

Dog dilemma on 12:22 - May 9 by Ewan_Oozami

It will impact on you (as others have said on the thread), but you'll find that once, you start getting out walking the dog, you'll meet plenty of other doggie people locally who'll be able to advise on the best vet, kennel, day-care, etc.

We've had our mad labrador for nearly two years and we've met a whole load of new people with dogs on our walks...

Just don't expect a quite life though, those spaniels are crazy!

EDIT: - oh and find yourself a good dog traineri f you can, that is definitely money well spent, our lab had a few sessions while still young (6-12 months) and they were very beneficial...

[Post edited 9 May 2022 12:24]


With working breeds, taking them to something like agility training once or twice a week can make a great deal of difference, even if you have no intention of completing at it.

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Dog dilemma on 12:49 - May 9 with 2258 viewsRyorry

Dog dilemma on 12:42 - May 9 by J2BLUE

Of course but she still needs to take some responsibility.


You can take a horse to water etc.

Only GB will know whether or not this applies, but generally speaking it's not in animals' best interests to have people looking after them who don't really want to.

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Dog dilemma on 12:52 - May 9 with 2247 viewsThe_Flashing_Smile

Dog dilemma on 12:28 - May 9 by J2BLUE

She wanted the dog. Surely the odd week or two of looking it after it is getting away lightly? Maybe she will love it and not want to give it back.


The first mistake was giving in to a teenage couple who wanted a dog but couldn't maintain a flat. A. Because teenage couples are very likely to split up and B. Because the BF had raised a red flag in his ability to maintain things.

Apologies, but not much help to Glassers now! I agree with J2 as the best solution...

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Dog dilemma on 12:58 - May 9 with 2209 viewsblueasfook

Dog dilemma on 12:14 - May 9 by Fixed_It

Firstly, that's pretty bad form from the ex-boyfriend. Especially as he and his family are 'dog people'!
I love my dogs and wouldn't be without them - but they are a big responsibility and do limit you in terms of going away/travel etc.
If you are not really dog people yourselves, that might be a compromise you are not willing to make - especially as you will be looking forward to more freedom as the kids get older and (presumably) retirement is on the horizon.
But at the end of the day, only you can make that decision. If you can find someone willing to.look after him whilst you are away, then you can have the best of both worlds. We look after a friend's Lab when he goes away, and it works well in our situation.


The boyfriend sounds like a bit of a loser doesnt he.

I expect GB is relieved he's an ex.

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Dog dilemma on 12:58 - May 9 with 2207 viewsJ2BLUE

Dog dilemma on 12:49 - May 9 by Ryorry

You can take a horse to water etc.

Only GB will know whether or not this applies, but generally speaking it's not in animals' best interests to have people looking after them who don't really want to.


I understand that, and fully understand your love for dogs. I certainly would not wish them to be looked after by anyone who wouldn't treat them right, but they've also forced a massive commitment on GB so some tough love is appropriate.

As you say, it may not be an issue at all and she may love having it on a temporary basis.

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Dog dilemma on 13:00 - May 9 with 2194 viewschicoazul

So what you’re saying is, your daughter’s newly single right?

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Dog dilemma on 13:07 - May 9 with 2156 viewsBLUEBEAT

train dog to hate wet ex

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