| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 11:45 - Oct 23 with 1288 views | Hugoagogo_Reborn |
I hope 'Tarquin' gets a tutor who is worthy of serving his needs. Lol. |  |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 11:46 - Oct 23 with 1283 views | artsbossbeard |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 11:45 - Oct 23 by Hugoagogo_Reborn |
I hope 'Tarquin' gets a tutor who is worthy of serving his needs. Lol. |
Chuffed to read that they've written off their 5yr old already too. |  |
| Please note: prior to hitting the post button, I've double checked for anything that could be construed as "Anti Semitic" and to the best of my knowledge it isn't. Anything deemed to be of a Xenophobic nature is therefore purely accidental or down to your own misconstruing. | | Poll: | Raining in IP8 - shall I get the washing in? |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 11:48 - Oct 23 with 1275 views | Mullet |
That poor kid |  |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:05 - Oct 23 with 1203 views | Herbivore |
That has to be a wind up. |  |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:19 - Oct 23 with 1145 views | GlasgowBlue |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 11:48 - Oct 23 by Mullet |
That poor kid |
Are you not up for this Mullers? |  |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:35 - Oct 23 with 1087 views | J2BLUE |
Obviously that is ridiculous but just to raise a general point about job adverts this is the kind of frequently seen bullshi1t that pisses me off:
The successful candidate will offer more than the minimum requirements of this position.
So they are not the minimum requirements then? Less irritating when listed on a job like this but for a £25k role at some generic sh1thole in customer service that kind of thing is extremely irritating. [Post edited 23 Oct 12:54]
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:35 - Oct 23 with 1079 views | MrBeckinsale |
They’ve not included football in their list of sports, so I’m out. |  | | |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:38 - Oct 23 with 1051 views | bluelagos |
Knew I should have made more of an effort to speak like a posh tw*t. If only... |  |
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Login to get fewer ads
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:39 - Oct 23 with 1040 views | Herbivore |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:35 - Oct 23 by J2BLUE |
Obviously that is ridiculous but just to raise a general point about job adverts this is the kind of frequently seen bullshi1t that pisses me off:
The successful candidate will offer more than the minimum requirements of this position.
So they are not the minimum requirements then? Less irritating when listed on a job like this but for a £25k role at some generic sh1thole in customer service that kind of thing is extremely irritating. [Post edited 23 Oct 12:54]
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Indeed, or the good old "You will be expected to work the hours required to fulfil the demands of the job". I've come to realise that, unless you are earning 6 figures, climbing the salary ladder doesn't actually increase your hourly pay, you're just expected to work a shed load of overtime for free. | |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:43 - Oct 23 with 1011 views | TractorWood |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 11:46 - Oct 23 by artsbossbeard |
Chuffed to read that they've written off their 5yr old already too. |
I found this point particularly amusing.
I appreciate some people do live in a parallel world but this is uniquely excellent. |  |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:46 - Oct 23 with 989 views | Wallingford_Boy |
Best leave that to us posh Oxfordshire folk.. |  |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:51 - Oct 23 with 992 views | leitrimblue |
Well I wasn't prior to seeing that ad. But feck, 180,000 a year to teach a 1 year old about English culture!
Seems easy enough, quick visit to Haverhills premier fake tan studio and 4th best tattoo parlour, before a liquid lunch in spoons. Easy feck1n money |  | | |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:56 - Oct 23 with 947 views | J2BLUE |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:39 - Oct 23 by Herbivore |
Indeed, or the good old "You will be expected to work the hours required to fulfil the demands of the job". I've come to realise that, unless you are earning 6 figures, climbing the salary ladder doesn't actually increase your hourly pay, you're just expected to work a shed load of overtime for free. |
Agree. I have given up. I have come to realise my employer does not reward loyalty and hard work. It's a game to them to see how much they can get away with for as little pay as possible.
No problem. Now I know the score, I can play that game. | |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 13:54 - Oct 23 with 797 views | BasingstokeBlue |
Salary:
£50 per week and all the cheese you can eat
Job type:
Occasional, Fixed Term
Start date:
The day before the re-arranged match at Blackburn Rovers
Apply by:
The November international break
Job overview
A family based in Chantry seeks an exceptional and experienced Tutor to guide their youngest child on his first steps toward becoming an Ipswich Town supporter.
This is a truly unique position working with a one-year-old child. The role should be considered distinct from that of a nanny, and applications from nannies will not be considered as nannies couldn’t tell a football from an avocado. Although formal chant-learning wouldn’t be wholly inappropriate at this stage, the position calls for an Early Years specialist dedicated to dressing the child in scarf, replica shirt, etc. as appropriate. The aim is to foster early tribal awareness through thoughtfully co-ordinated visits to Portman Road and, when appropriate, to away fixtures, too.
The role centres on immersing the child in Ipswich culture, values, and subtleties before any cultural bias (e.g. the wearing of yellow and green) takes hold. It seeks to harness a one-year-old’s innate curiosity and capacity for absorption, ensuring that what is learned is of the highest quality, in particular the words to Come On the Town (a.k.a. Edward Ebenezer Jeremiah Brown). A North Stander or Cobbold Block A inhabitant is best placed to design and implement this intentional, monocultural development plan.
The Student
The child, who is just one, is in an important stage of early development. He comes from a monolingual family and his parents are looking to cultivate a truly Town-knowledgeable child. Having started at age 5 with this child’s older brother, they felt that even this was too late to achieve their goal, since he is already singing budgie songs. At this stage the boy is too young to have developed any cultural bias, which makes it the perfect time to begin exposing him to the wonders of the blue and white. Like any 1-year-old, the child enjoys making unintelligible grunts and sounds that involve imitating speech. He is already curious about his world and experimenting with proto-speech (“Uppa Towen”). He is a typical little boy for his age and has occasionally even uttered/sung “We’ve got super Kieran McKenna.”
Role of the Tutor
Between them, the family can provide all the elements which will comprise the boy’s domestic cultural education, but they are searching for a tutor to provide a comprehensive Ipswich cultural environment. Their ideal Tutor will be someone barely educated, with an extensive knowledge of Town chants, and who speaks with a Suffok accent. They will be Portman Road trained and highly creative with the away days that they plan. This is a long-term role, continuing for several years, and the Tutor should be able to support a range of activities and learning strategies for this period of his life, such as coach-greetings and lager-can-throwing.
There is no expectation that the Tutor speaks any additional accents, but an understanding of the Naaridge accent specifically might be helpful, in order to dissuade the child. While a second accent will be looked upon favourably, it is likely that this will be enough cognitive load for the young boy. Indeed, even budgie children often start speaking later as they have a bewildering array of information to process, such as the NCFC “Honours” list.
At this age, music is often a key part of a child’s education, and the Tutor must be comfortable incorporating contemporary and traditional music into the child’s learning of time-honoured Town terrace chants. The Tutor should have no musical knowledge and be utterly tone-deaf. As the years pass, the child should understand how different chants come about, hopefully developing an interest in learning how to expect Town to batter City at an early age.
In time, the family hope their son will be accepted at a top-flight school such as Chantry Academy. It is important that boy’s education, even at the Early Years stage, starts to prepare him for this kind of life. He should be exposed to a wide range of quintessentially Ipswich experiences to help hone his habits, outlooks, tastes (kebabs, Ruby Murrays) and sporting preferences (football only, Ipswich Till I Die). Living in Ipswich. There is no reason why the boy shouldn’t visit Portman Road and various away venues, and be taught age-inappropriate understanding of fan-baiting, hard-drinking and street-running. The Orwell has just one rowing club, which would be best avoided lest the boy turns into a Nancy. Pony clubs are right out.
Visits to back-streets and alleys could be incorporated into his education, making learning a by-product of a day’s rich activities. Although only one year old, the Tutor can use venues like these as starting points for learning spray-painting and other graffiti activities. The boy should become very comfortable in these sorts of places, setting the foundation for more targeted learning (such as quickie knee-tremblers) as he grows.
Tutor Background
The successful applicant will be someone very special. A consummate professional with several years of season-ticket ownership, the Tutor will be someone qualified to sing “Hark Now Hear the Ipswich Sing” for at least two hours at a time. He or she will likely have attended the police courses for de-programming from anti-social behaviour. They must be able to combine pedagogical expertise with the lack of sensitivity required for slagging-off opposition fans.
Accommodation and Travel
This role is live-out, and no car is provided. There is a pot-holed driveway at the family home, and as the nearest Ipswich Underground station is a 15-minute walk away, it may be best if the Tutor brings their own tractor. The family will provide a Suffolk Punch and dogcart for excursions.
The successful candidate will offer more than the minimum requirements of this position and must have been raised in an appropriately anti-social background. They will be excellent Town ambassadors and good role models: uneducated and unpolished, with a complete lack of manners and personal values.
The Tutor must be an unfit, unhealthy and a forty-a-day smoker with no love for the outdoors, excepting pub gardens.
Hours and Holidays
While the boy is so young, it is expected that the Tutor will work between the hours of 3pm until the pubs close, generally on Saturdays, with preparative drinking-time in addition. As the boy grows, these hours will expand so that more extensive “bevvy-sessions” can be undertaken. The Tutor should not go too far too fast – the boy is very young and might bring up his Stella Artois too early in the day.
The Tutor will work primarily on matchdays but should be prepared to work occasionally on days before or after matches, if the vicissitudes of away travel dictate. Initially, the role is expected to remain in England, but the Tutor should be prepared for farther travel as and when Ipswich qualify for European competitions.
The Tutor is entitled to six consecutive days off per week.
The Tutor will have a minimum of twenty-four weeks off per annum, coinciding with the Summer transfer window. They must be flexible regarding any changes in schedule made by Sky TV and/or the police and adapt accordingly. The Client will strive to give up to 24 hours’ notice of any planned alterations. |  |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 17:18 - Oct 23 with 622 views | aloanagain |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 13:54 - Oct 23 by BasingstokeBlue |
Salary:
£50 per week and all the cheese you can eat
Job type:
Occasional, Fixed Term
Start date:
The day before the re-arranged match at Blackburn Rovers
Apply by:
The November international break
Job overview
A family based in Chantry seeks an exceptional and experienced Tutor to guide their youngest child on his first steps toward becoming an Ipswich Town supporter.
This is a truly unique position working with a one-year-old child. The role should be considered distinct from that of a nanny, and applications from nannies will not be considered as nannies couldn’t tell a football from an avocado. Although formal chant-learning wouldn’t be wholly inappropriate at this stage, the position calls for an Early Years specialist dedicated to dressing the child in scarf, replica shirt, etc. as appropriate. The aim is to foster early tribal awareness through thoughtfully co-ordinated visits to Portman Road and, when appropriate, to away fixtures, too.
The role centres on immersing the child in Ipswich culture, values, and subtleties before any cultural bias (e.g. the wearing of yellow and green) takes hold. It seeks to harness a one-year-old’s innate curiosity and capacity for absorption, ensuring that what is learned is of the highest quality, in particular the words to Come On the Town (a.k.a. Edward Ebenezer Jeremiah Brown). A North Stander or Cobbold Block A inhabitant is best placed to design and implement this intentional, monocultural development plan.
The Student
The child, who is just one, is in an important stage of early development. He comes from a monolingual family and his parents are looking to cultivate a truly Town-knowledgeable child. Having started at age 5 with this child’s older brother, they felt that even this was too late to achieve their goal, since he is already singing budgie songs. At this stage the boy is too young to have developed any cultural bias, which makes it the perfect time to begin exposing him to the wonders of the blue and white. Like any 1-year-old, the child enjoys making unintelligible grunts and sounds that involve imitating speech. He is already curious about his world and experimenting with proto-speech (“Uppa Towen”). He is a typical little boy for his age and has occasionally even uttered/sung “We’ve got super Kieran McKenna.”
Role of the Tutor
Between them, the family can provide all the elements which will comprise the boy’s domestic cultural education, but they are searching for a tutor to provide a comprehensive Ipswich cultural environment. Their ideal Tutor will be someone barely educated, with an extensive knowledge of Town chants, and who speaks with a Suffok accent. They will be Portman Road trained and highly creative with the away days that they plan. This is a long-term role, continuing for several years, and the Tutor should be able to support a range of activities and learning strategies for this period of his life, such as coach-greetings and lager-can-throwing.
There is no expectation that the Tutor speaks any additional accents, but an understanding of the Naaridge accent specifically might be helpful, in order to dissuade the child. While a second accent will be looked upon favourably, it is likely that this will be enough cognitive load for the young boy. Indeed, even budgie children often start speaking later as they have a bewildering array of information to process, such as the NCFC “Honours” list.
At this age, music is often a key part of a child’s education, and the Tutor must be comfortable incorporating contemporary and traditional music into the child’s learning of time-honoured Town terrace chants. The Tutor should have no musical knowledge and be utterly tone-deaf. As the years pass, the child should understand how different chants come about, hopefully developing an interest in learning how to expect Town to batter City at an early age.
In time, the family hope their son will be accepted at a top-flight school such as Chantry Academy. It is important that boy’s education, even at the Early Years stage, starts to prepare him for this kind of life. He should be exposed to a wide range of quintessentially Ipswich experiences to help hone his habits, outlooks, tastes (kebabs, Ruby Murrays) and sporting preferences (football only, Ipswich Till I Die). Living in Ipswich. There is no reason why the boy shouldn’t visit Portman Road and various away venues, and be taught age-inappropriate understanding of fan-baiting, hard-drinking and street-running. The Orwell has just one rowing club, which would be best avoided lest the boy turns into a Nancy. Pony clubs are right out.
Visits to back-streets and alleys could be incorporated into his education, making learning a by-product of a day’s rich activities. Although only one year old, the Tutor can use venues like these as starting points for learning spray-painting and other graffiti activities. The boy should become very comfortable in these sorts of places, setting the foundation for more targeted learning (such as quickie knee-tremblers) as he grows.
Tutor Background
The successful applicant will be someone very special. A consummate professional with several years of season-ticket ownership, the Tutor will be someone qualified to sing “Hark Now Hear the Ipswich Sing” for at least two hours at a time. He or she will likely have attended the police courses for de-programming from anti-social behaviour. They must be able to combine pedagogical expertise with the lack of sensitivity required for slagging-off opposition fans.
Accommodation and Travel
This role is live-out, and no car is provided. There is a pot-holed driveway at the family home, and as the nearest Ipswich Underground station is a 15-minute walk away, it may be best if the Tutor brings their own tractor. The family will provide a Suffolk Punch and dogcart for excursions.
The successful candidate will offer more than the minimum requirements of this position and must have been raised in an appropriately anti-social background. They will be excellent Town ambassadors and good role models: uneducated and unpolished, with a complete lack of manners and personal values.
The Tutor must be an unfit, unhealthy and a forty-a-day smoker with no love for the outdoors, excepting pub gardens.
Hours and Holidays
While the boy is so young, it is expected that the Tutor will work between the hours of 3pm until the pubs close, generally on Saturdays, with preparative drinking-time in addition. As the boy grows, these hours will expand so that more extensive “bevvy-sessions” can be undertaken. The Tutor should not go too far too fast – the boy is very young and might bring up his Stella Artois too early in the day.
The Tutor will work primarily on matchdays but should be prepared to work occasionally on days before or after matches, if the vicissitudes of away travel dictate. Initially, the role is expected to remain in England, but the Tutor should be prepared for farther travel as and when Ipswich qualify for European competitions.
The Tutor is entitled to six consecutive days off per week.
The Tutor will have a minimum of twenty-four weeks off per annum, coinciding with the Summer transfer window. They must be flexible regarding any changes in schedule made by Sky TV and/or the police and adapt accordingly. The Client will strive to give up to 24 hours’ notice of any planned alterations. |
Just got it. I'll do anything to get a seat in the family enclosure.  | | | |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 17:28 - Oct 23 with 603 views | Trequartista |
The section under "The Student" {"multilingual", "truly bicultural", "dual culturalism"} seems to bear no relation to the section under "Role of the Tutor" {"comprehensive British", "quintessentially British experiences ",} |  |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 17:38 - Oct 23 with 568 views | Zx1988 |
Baffling.
I'm trying to work out what the background of the child/his parents is, and why it's apparently so bad that they want to prevent him from picking up any aspect of their culture, in favour of moulding him into an 'English gentleman'.
I assume that they're stinking rich, but have discovered that there are certain establishment doors that cannot be opened by wealth alone. | |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 17:42 - Oct 23 with 560 views | Swansea_Blue |
“dedicated to creating a quintessentially English, culturally enriching environment”
20 years later….
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 18:27 - Oct 23 with 496 views | Ryorry |
I reckon 99% of kids would be rebelling against that kind of enforced regime by the time they’re 10.
Hope the poor boy grows up to become leader of the Socialist Workers Party. |  |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 18:43 - Oct 23 with 453 views | tetchris |
Wonder how many people from the job centre will apply? I would for shit$ and giggles | | | |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 20:32 - Oct 23 with 358 views | eireblue |
I wrote in to turn them down, I was disappointed that they had such low expectations for their 1 year old. |  | | |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 20:45 - Oct 23 with 318 views | Ryorry |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 17:38 - Oct 23 by Zx1988 |
Baffling.
I'm trying to work out what the background of the child/his parents is, and why it's apparently so bad that they want to prevent him from picking up any aspect of their culture, in favour of moulding him into an 'English gentleman'.
I assume that they're stinking rich, but have discovered that there are certain establishment doors that cannot be opened by wealth alone. |
On a serious note, it did make me wonder whether they themselves are immigrants from ethnic minority backgrounds (or are second generation), who’d experienced a lot of discrimination and knock-backs in their own ambitions, and are desperate for their kids to unassailably ‘fit in’.
Would be sad if so. | |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 20:46 - Oct 23 with 310 views | Bigalhunter |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 12:35 - Oct 23 by J2BLUE |
Obviously that is ridiculous but just to raise a general point about job adverts this is the kind of frequently seen bullshi1t that pisses me off:
The successful candidate will offer more than the minimum requirements of this position.
So they are not the minimum requirements then? Less irritating when listed on a job like this but for a £25k role at some generic sh1thole in customer service that kind of thing is extremely irritating. [Post edited 23 Oct 12:54]
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I always look at it like this…
Main task is to ensure the fries and burgers don’t burn.
However, you’ll also be expected to ensure there are sufficient buns and polystyrene boxes for said delights to nestle in once they’re cooked.
Oh, and it will be assumed that you have the required initiative to also check the tray pile, napkin dispenser, condiments container and plastic cutlery pot.
The ability to tap the correct buttons on the cash register is also expected, but additional training will be provided.
Feel your pain though. [Post edited 23 Oct 21:32]
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 20:48 - Oct 23 with 301 views | Zx1988 |
| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 20:45 - Oct 23 by Ryorry |
On a serious note, it did make me wonder whether they themselves are immigrants from ethnic minority backgrounds (or are second generation), who’d experienced a lot of discrimination and knock-backs in their own ambitions, and are desperate for their kids to unassailably ‘fit in’.
Would be sad if so. |
Absolutely - whatever the reasoning, the parents clearly see it as being well worth the almost £2m investment over the next ten years.
The saddest thing is that, even if little Tarquin-ji manages to perfect the whole 'English Gentleman' act, there's every chance that his face still won't fit if he's from a BAME background. | |
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| Anyone looking for a teaching job? on 21:00 - Oct 23 with 265 views | jontysnut |
Daughter is a teaching assistant in a tough primary school in inner city Leeds. She had to do parents evening today with her Reception class and had to ask one set of parents if their 4 year old would please stop calling her a fecking slag |  | | |
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