| Depression 17:27 - Sep 2 with 4108 views | ThisIsMyUsername |
Even by my own naturally depressive standards I am thoroughly unhappy at present and wondered if anyone can give me any practical tips please?
I have been through a lot recently. I lost my Dad in May after a traumatic 9 months, and 5 weeks ago me and my girlfriend broke up.
I've had no appetite for the last month and it takes me about 3-4x as long as usual to eat my meals, which are all smaller portions. A feeling of sickness/nausea/anxiety is present in my stomach about 90% of the time.
I'm currently not doing a lot because since finishing University 2 weeks ago I've at least another 5-6 weeks until I start my first post-grad job (although I'm in late 20s so have worked before).
I am occassionaly doing some of my exercise/activity-related hobbies but even that's a struggle as I'm not eating much.
Socially I am very isolated since moving back to my hometown from where I was for University. I do see people once a week when I go to [sporting activity], but my closest friends live quite far away and I'm not seeing them a lot lately. Also now I'm obviously not spending time with my girlfriend either, and I'm not feeling entirely like getting out there at the moment and meeting someone new.
I did go and see a counsellor recently (someone I've seen before) but there's not really a lot at the moment that they can really help me with as I talk about things on the phone/text with friends every now and again which has the same effect of getting it out of the system I guess.
I have 'thoughts' quite often but for me that's quite normal and nothing I am really alarmed about. I don't want to go to the Docs to get any medication because it's just like sticking a plaster on top and numbs me to the point of feeling nothing (would rather feel at least something).
Is it just a case of 'give it time' and 'keep busy'? If so I am trying to be productive but there's not a lot I either need or want to do at the moment. The last 2 or 3 days I've spent most of my time sitting on the sofa flicking through the TV/laptop for hours on end. I go for a long walk every day as a bare minimum, but that only kills half an hour.
Maybe I could look for some sort of voluntary work or something as a way to keep a bit busier and interact with more people.
Like I say, I have a long history with depression, but at the moment I have actual 'things' which have been stacked on top of that.
Just fairly angry with the world most of the time lately and fancied a rant and a request for advice. Thanks. [Post edited 3 Sep 2021 10:15]
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| Depression on 17:46 - Sep 2 with 3443 views | NthQldITFC |
A gentle walk first thing in the morning through as natural an area as possible. If the weather is OK, find a quiet little nook to sit in for five or ten minutes and read something like 'The Power of Now', by Eckhart Tolle, just a little bit at a time. I know it's a bit of a cliche, but just try to clear your mind as much as possible and watch the bees or some little bit of nature which isn't human going about their simple and stress-free lives. Good luck with getting back to happy soon, fellow Blue. |  |
| # WE ARE STEALING THE FUTURE FROM OUR CHILDREN --- WE MUST CHANGE COURSE # | | Poll: | It's driving me nuts |
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| Depression on 17:48 - Sep 2 with 3428 views | TractorFrog |
Sorry to hear of your depression. Voluntary work to keep busy is a good idea. If there are any charity shops near you they tend to let people in quickly and are friendly, but also keep you busy. |  |
| They'd all laugh at me if they knew what I was trying to do. To create a new strain of super-wine in half-an-hour with a fraction of nature's resources and a FOOL for an assistant. 'Bernard Black, he's mad,' they'd say, 'he's insane, he's dangerous.' Well I'll show them! I'll show them all! | | Poll: | What hurt more? |
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| Depression on 17:52 - Sep 2 with 3397 views | Keno |
Amazingly honest post, well done for speaking up.
I have no magic answer but things that have helped me in the past are having a set routine. Get up same time, have a breakfast (even if just a slice of toast) and then have a walk for 30mins or more.
When you get back have something to, even if it’s just read a newspaper. I found Lego or making things like a wooden model boat helped.
Have a set lunchtime and maybe an afternoon walk or bike ride
Have a set tea (or dinner) time. And even if the meals arent much have something and make cooking it a task
Set targets for yourself and give yourself a treat (Mars bar) and find a box set to work through as your evening task
Good luck
Pm if you never need anyone [Post edited 2 Sep 2021 17:53]
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| Depression on 17:59 - Sep 2 with 3336 views | Darth_Koont |
Agree with what others have said, especially that the best thing you’re doing is talking about it.
To that end, you shouldn’t hesitate to speak to medical professionals either. You may consider you don’t need whatever they’ll suggest like medication – and that may well be true – but these people are trained in dealing with this stuff.
And if you’re worried that it’s not serious enough to be wasting their time with, I’m sure the vast majority of them will welcome the chance to make the biggest difference and give you the right advice/ self-help tips before things potentially got worse. |  |
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| Depression on 18:07 - Sep 2 with 3281 views | Chrisd |
Sounds like you’ve had a bit of tough time of late and a very brave and bold move in sharing your thoughts. I’m no expert and certainly don’t want to preach, but I’m going to make a couple of suggestions and hope they find you well. Getting in to a daily routine is good. I find when I’m feeling low that getting drawn to the sofa isn’t the best idea and allows negative thinking to take over and makes things seem worse than they really are. However, going for a walk, run or cycle blows the cobwebs away, it gives me a more positive outlook and I feel so much better for doing it. I try and do this daily and invariably in the morning to set me up for the rest of the day. Remember to be kind to yourself, its a simple thing, but very important. So think of things you enjoy doing and then reward yourself when you’ve done or achieved something. For me, it’s nipping around to the local cafe and getting a slice of their delicious lemon drizzle cake and a pot of tea. Therapy wise there’s different types, perhaps talking therapy isn’t the most effective for you, so have a look into others for example, EMDR treatment. Finally, try to keep in contact with family and friends whether remotely or otherwise they play an important part in your demeanour so try to keep that communication link going, it stops you isolating yourself away. Even posting on here helps, there’s some good eggs on TWTDs who are prepared to listen and help.
Remember ‘It’s ok, not to be ok,’ but be kind to yourself and remain active in mind and physically that 5-6 weeks before your post grad job starts will soon arrive and that will be a welcome distraction too from recent events. Hang in there, things will change for the better! 👠[Post edited 2 Sep 2021 18:14]
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| Depression on 18:09 - Sep 2 with 3249 views | giant_stow |
Just want to say all the best with beating this mr - feel for you.
For what's its worth, I think you're already doing well by reminding yourself that you've got some serious grief to process, so continue to be fair with yourself.
As others say, anything that gets you out with people has to be a good thing right now. Do more sport if poss? |  |
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| Depression on 18:17 - Sep 2 with 3185 views | ArnoldMoorhen |
I am not a Doctor. This is not medical advice.
Some thoughts of mine as starting points for your consideration, and questions for you to consider:
Have you had Covid? Many of the things you describe fit the pattern of Long Covid.
Is it possible that you are pining for your ex more than you realise?
It is still a relatively short time since your loss of your Dad. To lose a parent at your relatively young age (and in traumatic circumstances, too) will take a while to process.
Having had that traumatic bereavement, and the additional hurt of a relationship break-up, you have had a very, very intense few months. If I'm reading this right, you've also been through the stress and pressure of Finals and maybe completing a Dissertation.
And now you have a lack of a daily timetable, no deadlines, no clock pressure. You've gone from living life at hyperspeed to a complete standstill. Maybe you thrive on intensity? So one *possible* approach might be to do something very intense: a major rollercoaster, a parachute jump, or a bungee jump.
I say possible, because you mention anxiety and the above may be your idea of hell...
So maybe do something achievement based: Couch to 5k if you aren't massively fit with the goal of a Park Run or running a 5k for charity.
Or maybe join a charity climb up a major British mountain?
In terms of doing something worthy, how about looking up Conservation Volunteer groups in your area? That would get you outside and active with a purpose.
Or a bit more selfish: make a "Not a Bucket" List. 10 things you really want to do. The more creative, challenging or contrived the better. And then do them.
You have 6 weeks, that's a decent length of time to do something really worthwhile, or to create the stories that will keep people buying you drinks for years to come.
And then Doctors:
A good Doctor won't force zombie anti-depressants on you.
Most of what you describe is about Anxiety more than Depression. Anxiety medication could include Beta Blockers, which won't have that numbing effect on your brain.
But I also wonder, from what you describe, about the possibility of the beginnings of a stomach ulcer.
So: do some good, have some fun, be kind to yourself and see a Doctor, please! | | | |
| Depression on 18:34 - Sep 2 with 3120 views | ThisIsMyUsername |
| Depression on 18:17 - Sep 2 by ArnoldMoorhen |
I am not a Doctor. This is not medical advice.
Some thoughts of mine as starting points for your consideration, and questions for you to consider:
Have you had Covid? Many of the things you describe fit the pattern of Long Covid.
Is it possible that you are pining for your ex more than you realise?
It is still a relatively short time since your loss of your Dad. To lose a parent at your relatively young age (and in traumatic circumstances, too) will take a while to process.
Having had that traumatic bereavement, and the additional hurt of a relationship break-up, you have had a very, very intense few months. If I'm reading this right, you've also been through the stress and pressure of Finals and maybe completing a Dissertation.
And now you have a lack of a daily timetable, no deadlines, no clock pressure. You've gone from living life at hyperspeed to a complete standstill. Maybe you thrive on intensity? So one *possible* approach might be to do something very intense: a major rollercoaster, a parachute jump, or a bungee jump.
I say possible, because you mention anxiety and the above may be your idea of hell...
So maybe do something achievement based: Couch to 5k if you aren't massively fit with the goal of a Park Run or running a 5k for charity.
Or maybe join a charity climb up a major British mountain?
In terms of doing something worthy, how about looking up Conservation Volunteer groups in your area? That would get you outside and active with a purpose.
Or a bit more selfish: make a "Not a Bucket" List. 10 things you really want to do. The more creative, challenging or contrived the better. And then do them.
You have 6 weeks, that's a decent length of time to do something really worthwhile, or to create the stories that will keep people buying you drinks for years to come.
And then Doctors:
A good Doctor won't force zombie anti-depressants on you.
Most of what you describe is about Anxiety more than Depression. Anxiety medication could include Beta Blockers, which won't have that numbing effect on your brain.
But I also wonder, from what you describe, about the possibility of the beginnings of a stomach ulcer.
So: do some good, have some fun, be kind to yourself and see a Doctor, please! |
You're very accurate there with what you've suggested is my situation re recent demands and then sudden changes in daily schedule.
It's definitely not Covid-related, however like you said undoubtedly it is to a large extent ex-related. It's interesting - I think in many ways a death is easier to 'get over' than a break-up as its absolutely final and leaves no question about anything changing etc. Although of course both take a long time to process and the death is also still definitely a factor, even if I don't actively think about it every day anymore.
Really appreciate all your suggestions and I'll definitely give it all some thought. The 'do something crazy' idea is for sure one of the reasons I posted earlier again about wanting to move away.
Hadn't considered the suggestion re stomach ulcer, as well as different options re any meds etc. I will get in touch with the GP. My friend who's a GP also said earlier today that it's at least worth a chat just to be safe and explore all avenues. | |
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| Depression on 18:51 - Sep 2 with 3043 views | gainsboroughblue |
Thanks for sharing. Very open and brave of you and as somebody who has very recently lost a parent, I can understand how traumatic things have been, but won't patronise by saying all of that 'I know what you're going through' business as each person differs.
Splitting with a partner is also a massive deal. It's a bereavement in its own right. You miss everything it brings from days out together, chilling out at home, sharing experiences and nurturing one another.
I can only echo what others have said on here. And to be honest, this forum is as good as mental health resource as there is out there. Lots of kind, knowledgeable people when we aren't squabbling.
Be kind to yourself, accept some days are going to better than others but also, try and remind yourself that it isn't a permanent thing. Having a routine is always good, even if it is breaking the day into 'Read/go for walk/eat/watch a film' etc . If you list those things down and tick them off, even if it is what you'd consider a rudimentary thing, you have still achieved something.
There are several resources I can PM you if they are of interest or value. Relating to groups, forums, activities, training, voluntary work etc.
Welcome to PM me anytime. |  |
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| Depression on 18:55 - Sep 2 with 3013 views | The_Flashing_Smile |
I don't really have much more to add to what's been posted, but I like the nature and exercise options. I go for a run round the park every morning and that really sets the day up. Sometimes I'm too knackered to run, but I don't beat myself up, I just walk instead.
You've been through a hell of a lot. Time probably is the best answer, but when you get through it you'll be a million times stronger. Can't comment on the death of a parent yet, but in terms of relationships, although it's hurt incredibly for a while, I've always ended up in a better relationship further down the line, and learnt a lot from each one. Consider it a step towards the true one. A learning curve. If you could speak to your future self I'd put good money on that being what they'd say.
One thing I never realised when I was younger is it's not only your body that changes... your mind does too. You won't always feel like this. And some amazing times are there, waiting for you, in the future. |  |
| Trust the process. Trust Phil. |
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| Depression on 19:10 - Sep 2 with 2948 views | MerseyBlue |
Set yourself a regular getting up time, drink plenty of water, make your bed, take a morning and evening walk, and set yourself a regular bed time. These times don't need to be drastic, just an improvement on what you've been doing - after a week, maybe move the getting up time half an hour earlier and so on. They also don't need to be iron clad, so don't beat yourself up if you sleep longer than you were planning to, just treat the time you do get up the same and kick on with the rest of the steps.
Building that small routine will help and I find the walks help me to think about other things.
Another thing I can reccomend, if you can afford it, is Headspace. I was highly sceptical of any kind of meditation or mindfulness when I first heard about it - it just sounded like nonsense to me. However, I can say with certainty that it has helped me so much. I do it for ten minutes immediately after getting up and finishing a glass of water. The app is very good and you can choose how long the session you want to do is, so even when you've started the new job, you will be able to stick with it.
Another thing that works well for me, when I'm experiencing more anxiety (which for me is normally a precursor for a depressive episode) is centering myself. Again, a concept I was pretty sceptical of, but it has really worked. Figure out some little things that make you feel good, for me it's listening to some music, watering the plants, feeding the birds. If I start to feel myself slipping, I go and sit in my chair by the book case, looking out at the best view from my house, while I listen to a favourite album. I normally set an alarm for about half an hour in case I doze off, and then just sit back and watch the world go by for a bit. Once I feel a little bit better, I tend to find the album on Spotify, plug my headphones in and go and water the plants and feed the birds. Then I'm pretty much good to go, and even if I feel the same a bit later, I at least know I'm trying to do something about it.
I would reccomend you make an appointment with your GP, my experience has been very good on the whole. Although it is likely that they may suggest medication, you can politely decline. I have used medication in the past but if anything it has made things worse. It will be different for everyone but I certainly relate with your comment about the meds being like a plaster.
I also reccomend the book "The 4 Pillar Plan" by Dr Rangan Chatterjee: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0241303559/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_4AN3W28K48SC0MR
It is very simple, flexible and has helped me a lot, and was reccomended to me by a GP.
You mentioned having some "thoughts", but nothing that concerns you. I can really relate with that, not being happy in yourself or with yourself, feeling at that lowest of lows, contemplating these things but knowing that it isn't something you would do. When things get hard my instinct is to want to disappear, which can be difficult to explain, and alarming to hear, but I think it's quite a natural reaction to the kind of trauma you've experienced of late.
Finally, well done for opening up and seeking help. It's bloody hard and I've still not fully got the hang of that, but your honesty is to be admired. I hope the words of those who have replied to you here can help, and also that you know that inboxes are always open if you need to talk.
Wishing you better health soon  |  |
| "Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." | | Poll: | Who will be the winner? |
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| Depression on 19:31 - Sep 2 with 2874 views | ThisIsMyUsername |
Thanks very much to everyone who has left a reply, as well as a couple of PMs or offers to talk if needed. It's crazy how much some kind words from 'strangers' can be a lifter.
Gainsborough, I'm very sorry for your loss.
I usually don't reply to every post on my threads individually when I come on here to ask for advice, but I absolutely read read them all and think about all the information.
Some really good ideas about things like meditation (I used to do this a lot) as well as just being proactive about taking simple steps to getting routines back into more of an order. One of my goals now needs to finally get my arse back to lifting heavy things in a gym after however many months it's been since I got out of that habit again due to restrictions.
Very appreciated. | |
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| Depression on 19:41 - Sep 2 with 2832 views | DebsyAngel |
You have worded it so well, as it's how I feel a lot of the time. I too do not want medication as it would make me worse, I did try a couple of years ago and it made me into a zombie who felt nothing, and was a risk to my eye condition.
I am so sorry about your Dad and the breakdown of your relationship.
I have been oddly happy in the last month, got heavily into my old goth music (an ironic statement I agree!) but it enthuses me, wakes me up, makes me so happy. I spend a lot of my time in a strange fantasy world where it is 1984, odd as it sounds, as I hate the world and the situation in today's world.
I know that sounds really weird and unreal - but if its making me so happy, where is the problem?
I am not sleeping well - lucky if I get 6 hours uninterrupted - I am physically exhausted but my mind is so alert and awake.
Do what you can to make yourself get through each day, and take each day as it comes. I wish you all the luck in the world and thank you for posting what you feel. I tend to hide it from people lately, but find it hard to talk about or tell people. |  | | |
| Depression on 19:51 - Sep 2 with 2798 views | BlueAlex |
| Depression on 19:31 - Sep 2 by ThisIsMyUsername |
Thanks very much to everyone who has left a reply, as well as a couple of PMs or offers to talk if needed. It's crazy how much some kind words from 'strangers' can be a lifter.
Gainsborough, I'm very sorry for your loss.
I usually don't reply to every post on my threads individually when I come on here to ask for advice, but I absolutely read read them all and think about all the information.
Some really good ideas about things like meditation (I used to do this a lot) as well as just being proactive about taking simple steps to getting routines back into more of an order. One of my goals now needs to finally get my arse back to lifting heavy things in a gym after however many months it's been since I got out of that habit again due to restrictions.
Very appreciated. |
Sorry to hear you're feeling rubbish at the moment.
I'm a clinical psychologist and work daily with people who are depressed so I thought I'd add my bit too, just in case it helps.
Firstly, there's some great advice here (as always when people are experiencing a difficult time).
The advice about some activity is excellent. It's probably the single best thing you can do. Have a goal but take small steps towards it. Trying to do too much, too soon can lead some to feeling they've fallen short of what they 'should' be doing, which ironically can make you feel worse.
Don't rule out medication. It can be a short term solution to help you feel that you can access other support or just get out a bit more. It works for many.
Don't rule out other support based on previous experience. There's loads that can be done. Counsellors can be great but there's quite a bit of variety in skill within the profession. This is because you don't need any training or qualifications to call yourself a counsellor. It's the same with 'therapist' or 'psychologist'. It's only 'clinical psychologist' that's a legally protected title. You might just need to find the professional that matches your level of need.
Finally, and most importantly, this is just a phase. You won't feel like this forever. You can and will improve and feel better quicker than you might think.
Best wishes |  | | |
| Depression on 19:54 - Sep 2 with 2780 views | gainsboroughblue |
| Depression on 19:31 - Sep 2 by ThisIsMyUsername |
Thanks very much to everyone who has left a reply, as well as a couple of PMs or offers to talk if needed. It's crazy how much some kind words from 'strangers' can be a lifter.
Gainsborough, I'm very sorry for your loss.
I usually don't reply to every post on my threads individually when I come on here to ask for advice, but I absolutely read read them all and think about all the information.
Some really good ideas about things like meditation (I used to do this a lot) as well as just being proactive about taking simple steps to getting routines back into more of an order. One of my goals now needs to finally get my arse back to lifting heavy things in a gym after however many months it's been since I got out of that habit again due to restrictions.
Very appreciated. |
One thing I have started doing recently, is going for long walks carrying a rucksack filled with a few weights/full bottles of water etc. Muscles obviously have to work harder with the extra load and I find it sometimes is a good alternative to gym if you don't fancy it or if it is closed. | |
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| Depression on 19:59 - Sep 2 with 2752 views | BlueForYou |
Research & find a good long walk. Somewhere uplifting. It will do you the power of good. |  | | |
| Depression on 21:24 - Sep 2 with 2554 views | Pendejo |
Voluntary Work, I can recommend but can go both ways, can be thoroughly up lifting. But hit it at the wrong point of the peaks and troughs and you can trip into guilt for feeling down when others are worse off can increase the downward spiral. |  |
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| Depression on 21:28 - Sep 2 with 2565 views | Nthsuffolkblue |
Much as there is some good practical advice here, you are unwell (as you have already recognised) and need to make an appointment with your doctor. Don't be afraid to get some counselling either - there are various options. Your doctor will be best placed to discuss what is best, though. |  |
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| Depression on 21:30 - Sep 2 with 2527 views | Nthsuffolkblue |
| Depression on 21:24 - Sep 2 by Pendejo |
Voluntary Work, I can recommend but can go both ways, can be thoroughly up lifting. But hit it at the wrong point of the peaks and troughs and you can trip into guilt for feeling down when others are worse off can increase the downward spiral. |
As far as this goes, I would recommend Suffolk Wildlife Trust - work with nature, do some volunteering, meet others who may be less voluntary in their volunteering - all really good experiences and would fit in well with waiting for your job to start. | |
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| Depression on 02:17 - Sep 3 with 2270 views | Ryorry |
| Depression on 18:34 - Sep 2 by ThisIsMyUsername |
You're very accurate there with what you've suggested is my situation re recent demands and then sudden changes in daily schedule.
It's definitely not Covid-related, however like you said undoubtedly it is to a large extent ex-related. It's interesting - I think in many ways a death is easier to 'get over' than a break-up as its absolutely final and leaves no question about anything changing etc. Although of course both take a long time to process and the death is also still definitely a factor, even if I don't actively think about it every day anymore.
Really appreciate all your suggestions and I'll definitely give it all some thought. The 'do something crazy' idea is for sure one of the reasons I posted earlier again about wanting to move away.
Hadn't considered the suggestion re stomach ulcer, as well as different options re any meds etc. I will get in touch with the GP. My friend who's a GP also said earlier today that it's at least worth a chat just to be safe and explore all avenues. |
I'm often around in the wee small hours (like now!) if you ever feel like a chat but there doesn't seem to be anyone around - just PM me.
I think the only possible help option that hasn't yet been mentioned is - dogs! I often find my mood lifted by simply being around mine, and they are great for confiding in of course, not to mention being wonderful companions, good reasons for going on those walks in nature suggested by others, & the fun derived from playing daft games with them without actually feeling silly! If you don't have one of your own, you could offer to walk rellies'/friends'/neighbours? Or volunteer at a local shelter? |  |
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| Depression on 09:09 - Sep 3 with 2072 views | EdwardStone |
Sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time at the moment
One little trick that I use when I feel a bit overwhelmed by things.....always set yourself very achievable targets....and then achieve them. Give yourself a huge pat on the back and tell yourself that you are a winner, you have met your challenge.
Much better than setting yourself a very ambitious target and then failing to achieve it
It sounds like you have a big life change coming in a few weeks, so maybe think of this as a rest period between Uni and the world of work....like half time at the match or a field lying fallow for a season
It is perfectly fine to be really upset about losing people close to you....my dear Dad died a few years ago and I think of him frequently and reflect on the happy times we shared and the fact that I shall never see him again. Allow yourself the time to grieve. I took a lesson from the Jewish Faith and set aside exactly a year from his death to feel upset and mourn his loss. At the end of a year your pain will be less raw, I guarantee
Feel free to pm if that helps |  | | |
| Depression on 09:11 - Sep 3 with 2067 views | chicoazul |
I have no advice to offer but best wishes to you, friend. |  |
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| Depression on 09:36 - Sep 3 with 1980 views | tractorboy1978 |
Apologies, hit the down arrow with my fat fingers!
A very brave post and well done for speaking out. Just wanted to echo the comments of several others - keep yourself occupied with something you enjoy (even if that is simply watching your favourite TV show), keep talking and keep telling yourself things will get better, because they will. It is perfectly human to be grieving the loss of a relative and the loss of a relationship. [Post edited 3 Sep 2021 9:37]
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| Depression on 09:55 - Sep 3 with 1893 views | Pinewoodblue |
| Depression on 09:36 - Sep 3 by tractorboy1978 |
Apologies, hit the down arrow with my fat fingers!
A very brave post and well done for speaking out. Just wanted to echo the comments of several others - keep yourself occupied with something you enjoy (even if that is simply watching your favourite TV show), keep talking and keep telling yourself things will get better, because they will. It is perfectly human to be grieving the loss of a relative and the loss of a relationship. [Post edited 3 Sep 2021 9:37]
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Not just a brave post but a step along the road to recovery. |  |
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