| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent 19:52 - Jun 6 with 4767 views | ACP84 |
My wife has just had her 3rd miscarriage in 5 years.
I'm not angry at her at all so vent is probably not the right word and I don't blame her at all, i know it's not her fault.
The entire family have rallied around her and supported her and it feels like i'm just the afterthought - everyone has asked her how she is feeling which is a ridiculous question.
But that being said, nobody has asked me how i'm feeling or how i am coping with it, it's like a bereavement going from elated and walking on air to come crashing down to the ground again.
Sorry for posting it on here, this is the only football forum where i feel like i'm around friends - i don't post much but i come on here every day for a read and i know what a top bunch of people we have on here.
Again, sorry, i just needed to get it out. X |  | | |  |
| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 19:55 - Jun 6 with 4036 views | wkj |
Whatever you do don't bottle this up. I'm not going to get into details but do actively find a friend or someone to talk to. Thanks for sharing with us and all the best for your family and yourself of course. [Post edited 6 Jun 2019 19:55]
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 19:58 - Jun 6 with 4010 views | footers |
| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 19:55 - Jun 6 by wkj |
Whatever you do don't bottle this up. I'm not going to get into details but do actively find a friend or someone to talk to. Thanks for sharing with us and all the best for your family and yourself of course. [Post edited 6 Jun 2019 19:55]
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Exactly this.
I remember an amazing OP from a poster we all know and respect massively. When he posted about this topic and he and his girlfriend's trials, there was an incredible outpouring of intelligent, sympathetic posts and support given. One of the best things we've seen in recent times.
Thanks for sharing my friend. Hope it's given you a bit of relief and sure you'll find whatever support you need on here. This is what TWTD's all about. |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 20:02 - Jun 6 with 3967 views | itfcjoe |
Awful news, sorry for you and your wife’s loss. We had one on our first pregnancy and it’s incredibly tough - I can’t inagine what you are both going through
I agree with being an afterthought as the bloke, I was ‘lucky’ that a close friend had gone through the same so had someone to talk to openly and honestly
Tommy’s are a good charity, if you feel you are bottling it up have a look to see if there is anyone there you can speak to |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 20:02 - Jun 6 with 3961 views | Coastalblue |
I went through this four times and can completely empathise with how you feel, as someone said above try and find someone to sit and have a chat with over a beer or coffee.
You can feel completely left out of the whole process as I know well, and whilst I wouldn't argue that my then wife had it harder than I did I do remember feeling "Hang on there's two parents involved here"
If you do want to "vent" at any time then you're welcome to do it at me via PM. |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 20:02 - Jun 6 with 3959 views | bahri |
I'm sorry for your news.
Unfortunately, men are just supposed to 'man up, bite their lip and get on with it'.
It is effects us men as much.
Whatever you do don't bottle it up- I know to my cost |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 20:03 - Jun 6 with 3955 views | J2BLUE |
So sorry to hear that mate. |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 20:05 - Jun 6 with 3936 views | giant_ullaa |
So sorry to hear that Mr. Must be incredibly tough to take, especially with the family expecting you to just deal with it like that. Not that you need permission, but vent away and vent hard. |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 20:38 - Jun 6 with 3826 views | homer_123 |
Hey bud...that's sh*t news...wishing you both all the best.
This board is as good a place to share as any. Contrary to some of the more recent posts...I've found this site and its posters utterly understanding, supportive and downright top people.
I'm sure I say for all...if you need to talk...we will be there.
PM fella if you need a chat or someone to yell at. |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 20:45 - Jun 6 with 3783 views | TRUE_BLUE123 |
We are a decent bunch on here (in the most part) so I am sure many people are happy that you have let this out. It is far better than leaving in bottled out.
Haven't been through this myself, however, can only echo the thoughts of others. Find someone who you are comfortable to talk to and just be honest. Things will get better, keep your head up bud. |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 20:47 - Jun 6 with 3774 views | DanTheMan |
Can't really add anything to what other posters have already said, other than I'm extremely sorry. Can't imagine what you're going through.
Echo what others have said though, if you're feeling the pressure, please seek help. There are some great services out there. |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 20:59 - Jun 6 with 3712 views | gainsboroughblue |
I've seen many a personal vent on here and never have I seen anyone ignored or unsupported. A lot of extremely good people on here.
I'm always available to chat via a pm if you want to chat or let off steam.
As much as I'm sure you are caring for your wife, please ensure you look after yourself too and talk to someone. Nothing riles me more than hearing the words 'man up'. You have emotional needs too. Make sure you seek out people who acknowledge this.
Take care fella. |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 21:16 - Jun 6 with 3663 views | christiand |
Really sorry to read about your news ACP84, it’s important for you to know you are not alone and it’s very natural for you to feel this way. As other posters have said, it’s important you have an outlet to release your angst and frustrations especially during this difficult time for you both, just remember it’s no ones fault. Don’t take it personally, that you feel an after-thought, it’s often the way but it’s certainly not intentional by all concerned. When I went through a miscarriage with my wife, we found SANDS particularly good to speak to, the link below is for their website:
https://www.sands.org.uk/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIiqSzzdPV4gIViZntCh2JsgqTEAAYASAAEgLC
It’s hard to know what to say and there’s no instant game changer, however although you are no doubt feeling extremely emotional, ‘TIME’ does prove a good healer, but you’ll still have your memories - they won’t be forgotten! Just make sure you are there to support each other during this testing journey. | |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 21:26 - Jun 6 with 3623 views | Samuelowen88 |
I know how your feeling. My wife and I are currently going through the same thing. We have been trying for 3 years and have had numerous miscarriages.
Unfortunately it doesn't get easier (sorry). However talking about it, even by posting on a forum helps.
Sometimes it is easier to say these things in front of people you don't really know.
As a bloke as others have said, you are expected to grin and bear it. It isn't good for you though . The hardest thing is to watch the person you love going through that much pain, and you instinct is to protect them by being strong
And although hard it may be, the best thing is to talk it though with your wife there might be more tears in the short term but you will both feel better for getting things off your chest
Life is sh1tty sometimes, and these things are sent to test us. You just have to believe you will get though the tough times
If you ever need to chat please feel free to PM. Happy to pass across a mobile number if you want a text. Talking to people in similar situations helps. No matter how nice / close friends & family are you just can't understand unless you have been in that position
Sorry for the rambling but typing this had been a mini vet for me now. So thank you for posting this
Stay strong, and try to stay positive. X |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 21:37 - Jun 6 with 3584 views | vapour_trail |
Hello mate,
Ive never had to go through this.
I listened to a radio programme this week though talking about this from the dads perspective and i don’t think you’re unusual in how this feels.
Tommy’s as mentioned above is a good shout. I work for a kids charity and we signpost to them we think they offer an excellent service.
Most important is having people you can vent / cry / talk to / escape with.
Good luck mate. |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 23:09 - Jun 6 with 3355 views | ACP84 |
Thanks to you all who have posted and sent me a PM - it really means a lot.
I'm going to look in to SANDS (thanks christiand) hopefully that will be just what we need.
thanks again x | | | |
| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 23:41 - Jun 6 with 3267 views | JamestownPrince |
Im 46, had 2 girlfriends who for onw reason or another have miscarried.
Ive a 17 year old with an ex whos not mine, my parents have nothing to do with him as Im not his real Dad
My Companion whos my username Jamestown Prince whom I got given as a 3 year old greyhound who was an injured mess, I got fit and racing afain, yesterday I lost him, Ive been crying for a week | | | |
| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 23:53 - Jun 6 with 3244 views | StokieBlue |
No need to apologise here. This is the place you should be able to vent. At least it should be.
You vent as much as you need to, the community is here for you.
SB |  |
| In the pocket of big farmer. |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 00:08 - Jun 7 with 3218 views | Swansea_Blue |
I image that's normal, not that it helps you of course. The blokes always take the back seat (well, more like in the trailer being towed behind!) when it comes to babies and kids. It's certainly the case when all the good stuff goes on, so I imagine it's no different in the not so good times.
Well done for speaking out. That's a brave step in itself. Sound like you've had some good advice already and I'm sure everyone here is only supportive. Vent away bud, you have feelings too. Best to let them out and share. |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 09:57 - Jun 7 with 2988 views | NewcyBlue |
This is the perfect place to vent.
Yes, you are expected to be her rock. Everyone is concentrating on your wife because it’s a physical loss for her, something she physically felt.
It’s just that they don’t see it from a mans point of view. There was a part of you there too.
Trust me on this, switching off and ignoring your feelings is the worst thing you can do for her, for your relationship, and most importantly you. You really have to believe me on that, as I did that. Excusing it as being her rock. As being positive.
After a third miscarriage they should do testing to make sure there are no genetic reasons for it to be happening. It’s not a nice thing to happen. Make sure it gets done.
Aftercare with these sorts of things is lacking, from our experience of multiple rounds of private IVF anyway.
If you need help and support, ask for it.
Take some time out for the pair of you. Go for a picnic. Go to your favourite restaurant. Go somewhere where people won’t constantly ask if you are alright.
As always my PM is open for you. I had been going through similar and decided a few months away from here were needed to evaluate things. I only came back to offer what words I could.
All the best to you and your wife. |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 10:17 - Jun 7 with 2957 views | SamWhiteUK |
That's horrible. Awful news.
I hope you're ok, and that goes for the pair of you. Make sure you talk about it, as has been said. Must be a horrible thing to go through |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 10:27 - Jun 7 with 2941 views | SouperJim |
I've been through a miscarriage and it was without doubt the worst experience of my life. I can't imagine the pain of going through several.
You've both lost a child, you need to tell your family that. Unfortunately I don't think as a nation we recognise the trauma of miscarriage enough, it's not really spoken about and is just accepted as something that many people go through. Bereavement is exactly the right word - you had a child, now you don't. Don't apologise and don't be afraid to tell people how you are feeling. |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 12:46 - Jun 7 with 2851 views | RedWhiteAndBLUE |
I've been through similar when my wife had an ectopic pregnancy. Quite rightfully my wife received a lot of attention but your right, people forget the man is hurting too. Take care mate, and feel free to PM me if you need to vent further. 👍 |  | | |
| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 16:09 - Jun 7 with 2733 views | Churchman |
| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 19:55 - Jun 6 by wkj |
Whatever you do don't bottle this up. I'm not going to get into details but do actively find a friend or someone to talk to. Thanks for sharing with us and all the best for your family and yourself of course. [Post edited 6 Jun 2019 19:55]
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Agree with this. This forum is actually a good place to share things and is also a good source of advice at times too. All the best to you and your family. |  | | |
| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 18:31 - Jun 7 with 2660 views | textbackup |
Mate I feel your pain, not because we’ve had the same situation but my wife had terrible Post natal depression, you do all you can to support, get a fck loaf of sht, and not a single dr or anyone says ‘you ok tho mate?!’
When all my mates have since had kids I make sure I take them aside to chat with them, such a hard one for the blokes |  |
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| This probably isn't the best place but I need to vent on 18:58 - Jun 7 with 2628 views | hoppy |
So sorry to read this. I’ve only just done so, but you’ve actually picked a very good place to vent. In situations like this TWTD is like no other place I know, and so supportive.
I’ve been there myself, and know the way that the bloke can be forgotten, but it’s a very real loss for both of you.
As others have said there are some really good resources available, but I’d like to add myself to the list of people that you can pm, or call or whatever if it would be of any help to have a chat.
I hope you have some supportive friends you can talk to as well, but we’re here too! Don’t bottle it up, and don’t be on your own with this. |  |
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