| The Warky League One Report: Peterborough (h) 15:47 - Feb 2 with 1347 views | Warkystache |
"I'll be well 'appy when Callum goes ter Cro-a-sher next week" said Tel, reflectively, the suds clinging to the side of his three-quarter empty pint glass of lager sparkling like crystals in the light from the bar. It was Friday. We'd both had torturous weeks at work, me dealing with the nuances of management to a backdrop of eunuch-willed, emancipated banter between Brummies and Covs, the 0-0 cup draw satisfying neither clans and the build-up to the replay not yet gathering momentum. Tel, driving in a confined space with a bloke who lived on fast food, moaning about the sour smell of wrappers and boxes, his last resort constant pearls of sarcasm which were largely ignored by the youth he transported.
The knowledge that said youth would soon be cavorting on two long bits of plastic down ('opefully) murderous slopes appeased him only slightly. "'E'll prob'ly 'ave a bleedin' ball wivout breaking a fingernail". He added, later, when the third pint was within an inch of consumption "'Oo goes skiin' anyway? Apart from toffs an' frillseekers? Woss 'e wanna waste 'is money on slidin' darn a bit o'snow for?". I started to explain about the apres-ski, the nightlife and the women. He snorted. "'E can't get any 'ere. 'E looks like wot 'e is, a bleedin' student on a budget. 'Ardly James Bond, is it? Carnt imagine the likes o' Daniella Bianchi openin' 'er legs at will for a spotty teenager in a Nike tracksuit".
We didn't bother eating. Tel was off Chinese, having discovered, and greaty enjoyed Trongs the previous weekend. "Nuffin' comes close anymore, specially not rarnd'ere". He's already planning his next visit, next Saturday night with the wife. "She loved it" he said with a fatuous grin. The Indian was full of takeawayers so we settled for a few pints and some brandies and a bowl of chips apiece. We were going to the Thai on the Quay in Harwich after the footy. So it was no great loss.
Callum leaves Tel for two weeks next Friday. His replacement, a bloke called Ray, in his fifties and already on good terms with Tel ('ope 'e stays wiv me, right good bloke Ray is. 'Ard as nails an' good sense o'humour. He used to be a para in Colch'ster). has been readied to start.
Tel has also booked the usual five-star hotel in Marbella for two weeks in May. He and the wife are already going to the US in October for three weeks, to Florida, a trip that Mrs Tel had set her heart on. He moaned that it meant he'd go unpaid for five weeks, but his wages are, in truth. a mere piddle in the Olympic pool of his finances. The fact he paid £10k for both holidays and it barely made a dent in his savings account speaks volumes. He was looking forward to October. Spain was a known quantity so his ambivalence was tempered by the need for heat and a bottle of beer by the pool.
So Britain slipped gently out of the EU, like a leisurely Sunday morning sh*t, to a cacophony of ragged cheers in the pub and a drink "on the 'ouse" from Jamie the landlord, an expansively generous offer to the eight or so of us still there at eleven. He wore the sort of Union Jack hat they wear at crap music festivals. He looked like a cross between John Bull and the cat from Dr Seuss.
Saturday dawned bright and breezy. I awoke with muzzy head and made a start on a few jobs, namely washing and ironing shirts and pants (I didn't iron the pants) for next week, clearing up and hoovering. The Terry's were due at eleven for the drive to Ipswich, Mrs Tel doing the actual driving. I cooked porridge at 8.30am, having read in one of those women's mags at work that are brought in periodically and clutter our staff area that porridge is good for low glycaemic diets. I went to all that trouble and then didn't fancy it when it was ready. I ate it half-heartedly with a bit of honey and then struggled to get the remains down the plughole of the sink.
We got to Ipswich. Tel moaning at the traffic and the amount of police on show ("Bleedin' 'ell are they expectin' Norwich?) and were dropped, after some debate, at Jewson's entrance. The Wolsey was shut so we went to Degeneros and had a bottle of Corona each, the lime in mine browner than the leaves on the road outside. I gave Tel his printed ticket for the game. He was housed in SAR upper. We went to the Wolsey; Tel moaning that Degeneros hurt his ears. It was still shut. We went to Isaacs, Tel moaning that he was dying of thirst. We joined the throng in there, sipping Moretti's, and ordered food. Tel likes Isaacs. He admired the yachts on the quay, making fatuous remarks about learning to drive one so he and the wife "can do the back warters an' that". Captain Birdseye without the beard, or the fish fingers.
We left for the game at 2.30. Tel enjoyed the walk. We separated at the SAR and he exchanged a few bits of banter with the orange-jacketted steward on the gate. My last pre-match view of him was giving me a joyous clenched fist salute of victory as I left. I raised my arm in farewell. We'd arranged to meet outside at the final whistle.
We met outside at four-fifteen. Tel rang me after the third. "Carnt stand it no more" he said, sounding like a Cockney Droopy the Dog. He rang Mrs Tel to come and collect us as we stood on the corner of PR and Princes Street. We went to Frankie and Bennies for a drink as we waited, the restaurant crammed with partying kids. We sat at the bar and drank brandy on ice. "Well...." began Tel. Then he relapsed into a sour, gloomy silence.
Mrs Tel arrived. "Wot 'appened? Wos it called off or summink?". "Nah" replied Tel, but he refrained from further comment. I told her the score. Just as I did, Tel's phone pinged. 4-1. "Bleedin four...." he said dispiritedly.
He cheered up at the restaurant. The food was lovely for one thing, and for another, he'd won on the footy bet. He showed me it and I noticed he'd picked Peterborough to win amongst others. My congratulations stuck in my throat a bit.
We got gloriously, deliriously pissed after the meal. We had a bottle of wine each with the food, and then went down The Alma, where we drank another bottle between us and then started on the brandy and, when we fancied a change, the armagnac. We forgot about the football, about Will Norris and his stupid, carelessness, about the schoolkids being cheated out of a penalty at half-time, about leaving the game with half an hour left, about the fact that Peterborough looked by far the better team, by far the better promotion prospect, by far the better bet. It hurt, and it will go on hurting, like many of the rest of you, I suspect. I heard people around me muttering darkly about "me last season ticket if we don't go up" and "five more years of this w*nker" and I suddenly wanted to be away, be far away, from the club.
And it's easy to walk away. But like 'Hotel California', you can check out any time you like. But you can never leave. |  |
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| The Warky League One Report: Peterborough (h) on 16:40 - Feb 2 with 1254 views | Westover |
Great read as always it's certainly cheered me up after yesterday's disappointing result.👠|  | | |
| The Warky League One Report: Peterborough (h) on 16:46 - Feb 2 with 1241 views | Warkystache |
| The Warky League One Report: Peterborough (h) on 16:40 - Feb 2 by Westover |
Great read as always it's certainly cheered me up after yesterday's disappointing result.👠|
Many thanks.
Glad we don't have a home game for a while. You just wonder what the ST sales will be next season if we blow promotion? | |
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| The Warky League One Report: Peterborough (h) on 17:12 - Feb 2 with 1197 views | hype313 |
| The Warky League One Report: Peterborough (h) on 16:46 - Feb 2 by Warkystache |
Many thanks.
Glad we don't have a home game for a while. You just wonder what the ST sales will be next season if we blow promotion? |
It'll be one man and his dog.
Thankfully, both of them will be blind. |  |
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| The Warky League One Report: Peterborough (h) on 17:35 - Feb 2 with 1169 views | Ace_High1 |
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| The Warky League One Report: Peterborough (h) on 18:16 - Feb 2 with 1128 views | cooperd5 |
| The Warky League One Report: Peterborough (h) on 16:46 - Feb 2 by Warkystache |
Many thanks.
Glad we don't have a home game for a while. You just wonder what the ST sales will be next season if we blow promotion? |
Great read these, much better than the match.
I said to my lad I'm glad there's no home game for a while, after Rotherham and this I'm fed up with it. |  | | |
| The Warky League One Report: Peterborough (h) on 18:21 - Feb 2 with 1113 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
Those skool kids so were cheated....!! |  |
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| The Warky League One Report: Peterborough (h) on 20:10 - Feb 2 with 1044 views | Bluespeed225 |
''Gloriously and deliriously'. Marvellous stuff. | | | |
| The Warky League One Report: Peterborough (h) on 23:09 - Feb 2 with 958 views | Sharkey |
Armagnac IS brandy, no? Isn't that like eating cheese and when you fancy a change switching to stilton? |  | | |
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