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Please allow me to introduce myself at this HAA meeting
I am a sixty five year old man and I have @rse hair, there I have said it.
I am also very bad at DIY and hate doing it, so why do I live half off grid to the extent that my private water supply is often so claggy (even after a five micron filter and ultra violet treatment) that my shower doesn't work and I can't be @rsed to take the front off and sort it out so have a bath instead.
What's that got to do with @rse hair you ask? Well,despite my age I am fastidious in my cleaning and every so often as I work that flannel into the crevice I find a small dried (but now dissolving) lump of poo matted into the @rse hair. This is unpleasant.
I should wipe better you say? How dare you. I am fastidious in that as well. I'm sure these small lumps of poo somehow sneak out later on. Or somebody else plants them there. I even have some of those moist toilet tissues for the messier evacuations, but I only use them in the winter when I can put them in the woodburner - flushing them down the toilet means they end up in the septic tank and then Scottish Water may refuse to empty it, would not please my neighbours.
So my argument is that there can be no intelligent design. What happened? In six day God created the Earth? And then on the seventh he had a rest, went down the pub at lunchtime and saw his team get beaten on Sky so spent the rest of the afternoon getting leathered? And on the eighth day, according to the gospel of Hazel O'Connor, he created punk? And on the ninth day he created @rse hair?
The improvisational answer lies within you full and frank disclosure. You have arse hair, and you have a woodburner. All you need is to fashion a reliable harness and bracing point which will allow you to present on a regular basis, your hairy rear end to the woodburner in a controlled and reliable manner, thus singing off the offending stinking pelt.
Of course, given your self-professed lack of DIY skills this may all turn out badly.
As to intelligent design, I am really not qualified to offer an opinion, if you will pardon my reticence.
Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:43 - Sep 25 by NthQldITFC
The improvisational answer lies within you full and frank disclosure. You have arse hair, and you have a woodburner. All you need is to fashion a reliable harness and bracing point which will allow you to present on a regular basis, your hairy rear end to the woodburner in a controlled and reliable manner, thus singing off the offending stinking pelt.
Of course, given your self-professed lack of DIY skills this may all turn out badly.
As to intelligent design, I am really not qualified to offer an opinion, if you will pardon my reticence.
An alternative I have been pondering is to seek out an @rse barber, there must be such people. After all half the High Street is nail bars these days, where are the @rse barbers? Unfortunately I live too far from Essex to carry out a pragmatic and cost effective search. And I am worried that, in the way that a regular barber suggests spray or gel after the cut, an @rse barber would say 'Would you like anything on it?' and then suggest Vaseline.
Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:43 - Sep 25 by NthQldITFC
The improvisational answer lies within you full and frank disclosure. You have arse hair, and you have a woodburner. All you need is to fashion a reliable harness and bracing point which will allow you to present on a regular basis, your hairy rear end to the woodburner in a controlled and reliable manner, thus singing off the offending stinking pelt.
Of course, given your self-professed lack of DIY skills this may all turn out badly.
As to intelligent design, I am really not qualified to offer an opinion, if you will pardon my reticence.
Oh I have a solution!
presuming there is a Mrs Zombie, Mr Zombie or some kind of gender neutral non-binary partner buy one of these and let them burn the offending arse hair away ...
PS if there is no 'significant other' you could offer a higher bid charity auction and allow the lucky TWTD winning bidder to perform this duty for you
Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:52 - Sep 25 by WeWereZombies
An alternative I have been pondering is to seek out an @rse barber, there must be such people. After all half the High Street is nail bars these days, where are the @rse barbers? Unfortunately I live too far from Essex to carry out a pragmatic and cost effective search. And I am worried that, in the way that a regular barber suggests spray or gel after the cut, an @rse barber would say 'Would you like anything on it?' and then suggest Vaseline.
Here you are Zomby another option, get Stansa from Games of Thrones to wax you off
Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:52 - Sep 25 by Keno
Oh I have a solution!
presuming there is a Mrs Zombie, Mr Zombie or some kind of gender neutral non-binary partner buy one of these and let them burn the offending arse hair away ...
PS if there is no 'significant other' you could offer a higher bid charity auction and allow the lucky TWTD winning bidder to perform this duty for you
Anyone up for that???
There was a Mrs. Zombie but we are long time divorced now. Your suggestion must never reach her.
Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:43 - Sep 25 by NthQldITFC
The improvisational answer lies within you full and frank disclosure. You have arse hair, and you have a woodburner. All you need is to fashion a reliable harness and bracing point which will allow you to present on a regular basis, your hairy rear end to the woodburner in a controlled and reliable manner, thus singing off the offending stinking pelt.
Of course, given your self-professed lack of DIY skills this may all turn out badly.
As to intelligent design, I am really not qualified to offer an opinion, if you will pardon my reticence.
I do not see how song would aid in the removal of the unwanted follicles. Perhaps you mean 'singeing'? I would like to point out for legal reasons that in offering this correction I am not in fact endorsing the proposed remedial action.
*** Puch Maxi N Owners Club, Social Distancing Officer (SoDOff) and Undersecretary for The Verification of Vaccinations And Testing (UTVVAT) 2021 ***
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Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:59 - Sep 25 with 2274 views
Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:55 - Sep 25 by AlanRetentive
I do not see how song would aid in the removal of the unwanted follicles. Perhaps you mean 'singeing'? I would like to point out for legal reasons that in offering this correction I am not in fact endorsing the proposed remedial action.
Although singing as a cure for @rse hair could appeal to New Age oldies, I reckon I could get £50 a crack for that if WOMAD ever gets held again.
Indeed, klingon was the word we used as kids. First heard the term dingleberry from a couple of scouse lads on a drunken holiday night out many years ago.
We have no village green, or a shop.
It's very, very quiet.
I can walk to the pub.
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True, there's a remarkable.... on 14:20 - Sep 25 with 2139 views
Friday Poo Thread Redux - No sympathy for the @rse hair on 10:43 - Sep 25 by NthQldITFC
The improvisational answer lies within you full and frank disclosure. You have arse hair, and you have a woodburner. All you need is to fashion a reliable harness and bracing point which will allow you to present on a regular basis, your hairy rear end to the woodburner in a controlled and reliable manner, thus singing off the offending stinking pelt.
Of course, given your self-professed lack of DIY skills this may all turn out badly.
As to intelligent design, I am really not qualified to offer an opinion, if you will pardon my reticence.
I’d be a little worried that a clagnut could act a bit likea mini compressed wood briquette, slow burning. This glowing ember could cause some nasty damage to his ring.
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